Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This ain't no safe house
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.18.2002
Back at the Safe House, HandsomeBlackGuard is showing Bride and Spawn photos of various terrorists for identification purposes. Some of them are familiar to the Kieferettes, some of them aren't. A photo of Eli comes up. Spawn says that he was one of the guards. She and Bride flick their eyes around. "Can you tell me anything about him?" asks HandsomeBlackGuard. "No," says Spawn. Meanwhile, across the street, one of the Safe House guards keeping watch from the remote location is checking on his colleagues, but they're dead so they don't answer him. FauxFBIAgent walks through the door and shoots him in the neck with a dart gun…or something. He's down without a fight. Cue the early-twentieth-century avant garde atonal classical music. The time is 3:37:01 PM.
Seth Green, why did you leave Buffy for Greg the Bunny? Was working with Sarah Michelle Gellar such a pain that a Fox show with puppets and Eugene Levy seemed like a sweet career move?
The time is 3:41:26 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Theo drives to make his appointment with Kreepy Karl, Palmer looks pensive, FauxFBIAgent points his gun around some more, and Bride looks at more photos. More atonal piano music plays as Spawn answers more questions about the TerrorKompound. "What about you, Mrs. Bauer?" asks HandsomeBlackGuard. Bride doesn't answer because she's kracking. Spawn kalls for another break. HBG pours himself some koffee while Spawn tries to get Bride to snap out of her fugue state. Hey, at least she doesn't have amnesia…yet. Oops, did I say that out loud? HBG notices that there are no CTU agents around anymore. Uh-oh. He calls out for his back-up guards, but no one answers. Without hesitating, he grabs the Kieferettes, escorts them into the bedroom, and has them lock themselves inside. He hears rustling inside a closet. "Come out with your hands up!" he shouts. FauxFBIAgent comes out and drops his gun. It's too easy. HBG approaches him, and UnattractiveBack-upShooter comes up behind HBG and knifes him in the back…or something. Meanwhile, the Kieferettes have wisely left the "safety" of the bedroom and have booked to the garage, where they get into a car parked there and get the hell out of there. Where'd they get the keys? Oh, who cares? The music gets all Steven Reich-esque with these minimalist Middle Eastern vocals as the Kieferettes drive away from FauxFBIAgent's gunfire. UnattractiveBack-upShooter runs out too, but he gets shot by the not-dead-yet HBG. FauxFBIAgent shoots HBG -- so now he really is dead -- and runs after the KieferetteKar. Finally he gets into a TerrorKar of his own, and it's officially a car chase. Hey, Bride? Sometimes dead weight can slow you down, so you might want to jettison the Awn-spay…just a suggestion.