Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This ain't no safe house
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.18.2002
The Safe House. Federal Agents dressed as contractors and landscapers touch base over their super-secret radio system. They report back to HandsomeBlackGuard, who checks out their location through the windows of the safe house. The phone rings. HandsomeBlackGuard gets it. It's Kiefer for Bride. Atonal piano music starts playing. Bride, who is still in her catatonic state in the bedroom, takes the call. Kiefer wants to know if everything is really really okay. He sensed that Bride had something important to tell him. Again Bride insists that everything is fine. "We'll talk when this is all over, okay?" she says, stroking her government-issue bed linens in a scary obsessive manner.
Back at the Palmer suite, Palmer enters just as Secret Service Guy is unveiling photos of the back-up shooters to Palmer's staff on a laptop. When he gets to a photo of TakeOnKief, Faux-licity gasps and runs out of the room like she's going to barf. LadyMac watches her exit, because she's never seen a white girl run so fast in all her life. Palmer follows Faux-licity, lays a paternal hand on her shoulder, and asks her what's wrong.
Meanwhile, it's Spawn's turn to be kwestioned by Nina and her kamera. She klaims that she doesn't know where Rick is, and Nina is telling her how inkonvenient it is for her to pretend not to know where Rick is. "He helped us eskape!" says Spawn oh-so-subtly. "When people are taken hostage," says Nina, clasping her fingers together deliciously and savoring a memory of being taken hostage earlier that day, "it's not uncommon for them to feel a certain bond with their kidnappers." Kim whines that Rick wasn't her kidnapper…and that she doesn't even know where he is anyway. Bride enters because she's ready to resume being kwestioned again. Kim takes a break and leaves the room. Before Nina turns on the camera, Bride tries to smooth over their last conversation by reiterating that Kiefer and Bride were separated when Kiefer did Nina and that she really shouldn't hold it against Nina. Yeah, ladies, there's no reason a man should kome between you. Don't let the Kiefer kome between a sister! Nina turns on the camera and asks about Rick, konfiding in Bride that she believes Spawn is holding back to protect Rick. Bride doesn't take too kindly to Nina's insinuation that Spawn would lie, so there's more tension. Well, that was a short ceasefire.
Faux-licity sits in the Palmer Suite with a pillow held protectively on her lap while Palmer kalls Kiefer and tells him about a staff member of his who recognized the back-up shooter from one of the pictures. "They're in kontact," says Palmer. "In what kontext?" asks Kiefer. "Intimate," answers Palmer. He quickly adds that Faux-licity wants to help in any way she can. Kiefer asks Palmer to send her over to CTU for kwestioning. Oh, and Kiefer tells Palmer about the supposed death of HBWG. The time is 3:11:25 PM.