Episode Report Card Omar G: C- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Follow Me. Zor-Else!
By Omar G | Season 7 | Episode 8 | Aired on November 14, 2007
The crystal begins to glow white-hot. Everything goes to a flash, and Clark is at the Fortress. Jarnelle is like, "I was...uh...just reading a magazine! What are you doing here? Wait, don't move. Let me put my pants back on." While he's got Clark's attention, Jarnelle tells him that the crystal was made by Zor-El (using SCIENCE!). Jarnelle pronounced it, "Zoral." Like Moral Orel. He says the dildo has no place in this Fortress. It's dirty. "My mother needs my help!" Clark screams. My son, you don't have to yell. The Fortress has surround sound. Jarnelle says that it's a little late to help Clark's mother. She's kinda dead, along with the rest of Krypton. But we can try to patch her in on a three-way call. Hold on a sec...do I hit "flash" and then the pound sign? Let me go fetch the phone service instructions. Or better yet, let me call you back in a few hours.
Clark tells Jarnelle, in his own house, that he's wrong and that they need to help Lara. (Sigh...) My son, the idiot. Jarnelle says that everything Zor-El did was motivated by power and greed. Clark holds up the blue dildo like it's a knife and he wants to stab somebody. Lara's voice tells Clark that she's running out of time and that he needs to hurry. Jarnelle tells Clark not to let human emotions cloud his judgment. Wow, do you know Clark at all? Of course he's going to screw things up. Learn reverse-psychology, Dad. Defiantly, Clark says, "I won't turn my back on my mother!" He does a hilarious spin move in the wrong direction and shoves the blue dildo into the Ice Dildo Rack of Destiny. Everything goes dark. The rack glows brightly. Clark turns. All of the stadium lights in the Fortress start to illuminate. We hired a guy to set this up after we saw The Temptations in concert. It really livens up the place. There's also a TV that rolls out of the big ice cabinet in the back. And we bought a mini-fridge to keep beer in the living room during football games. A blue ray of energy shoots from the ice rack, through Clark's chest, and toward a nearby empty area. The rope of energy pools together and forms Lara's body. Lots of white flashing lights. "Jor-El?" Lara, wearing a white gown, asks. Er...awkward! Clark says he's Kal-El. Lara can't believe it. "My son!" she says. "My beautiful boy!" Clark looks childlike and humbled. It's awfully cute. "You're a man," she says. A natural man. A full-grown man. All kinds of man up in here. Literally a few times. She hugs Clark. He's in heaven. The camera goes wide and pans down to reveal a sneaky actor hanging out among the ice walls. I bet he's going to do some acting for us.