Episode Report Card Demian: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gypsies, Tramps, and Feebs
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.19.2002
In the event that anyone out there cares, tonight's Cole- and Darryl-free version of the opening credits includes the familiar shot of Piper freezing the exploding centerpiece from "Ms. Hellfire," Raige redirecting The Shell Of Suck with her orbing telekinesis from the season premiere, and Phish 'n' Tits leaping from the water from the same episode. And you thought you'd never have to see the golden pasties again, didn't you? Muah ha ha ha ha ha.
Manor. Up in the kitchen, the Dolt silently reads the promotional material on the sleeve of a videocassette entitled The Joys Of Home Birthing, and yes, he's moving his lips. Heh. I'm not kidding with that one, either. Piper and Raige pedebitch from the dining room about the prenatal yoga class they attended that morning. Raige thinks Piper should try a different instructor. Piper insists that she had no problems with the guy at the front of the room. No, she wants to slaughter each and every chipper mother-to-be who brandished her sonogram print-out after the session all, "'Look! It's Jasper's first photo! And it's gonna go on the fridge in a little metal frame that says Jasper's First Photo!'" Piper's ponytail bobs violently as she recalls this outrage. Snerk. Piper's Issue Of The Week involves the Dolt refusing his wife proper obstetric care, as he's worried that the percolating infant's mischievous ways will result in wacky, difficult-to-explain hijinks during an examination. Piper's not having it. Her morning sickness shows no signs of abating, and she's concerned that her continuing nausea signifies something ominous. The Dolt blithely notes that every pregnancy is unique; therefore, Piper's ongoing battle with the vomit is not a problem. It's true! He read it in the book that came with his video. Piper clenches. Raige brightly offers to microwave some popcorn for an impromptu videofest, because her Issue Of The Week involves what a "big, dumb, fat, unemployed," and friendless loser she's become since she resigned from THE BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES. You're not fat, Raige, but God knows that scarlet tracksuit you're sporting isn't doing your hips any favors at the moment. And yes, Raige's Issue is even more contrived than Piper's, but it's far less traumatizing than last week's Crusade For The Elusive O, so we'll take it, and we'll like it. Phoebe jiggles into the room to mainline caffeine as she exposits that Cole's "off soul-searching somewhere" this week. "Or off searching for a soul," she absently modifies. Piper spots the remains of Madame T's Sharpie on Phoebe's palm, and wonders what gives. Phoebe reluctantly admits that she visited a fortuneteller the previous evening, then bolts for the front door with no further explanation when the office rings her cell. Piper, Raige, and the Dolt exchange suspicious glances, then barrel out of the kitchen after her.