Episode Report Card Demian: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gypsies, Tramps, and Feebs
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.19.2002
Manor. Piper and the Dolt slouch on the couch in front of the TV. The tinny sound of a woman shrieking in abject agony drifts through the room from the television's speakers. Piper eyes the Dolt's home-birthing video with mounting horror, then finally yelps, "I need an epidural just to watch this." The Dolt mildly suggests they fast-forward to the bit where the doting parents get to meet the new infant. Piper shoots him a filthy look and snatches the remote from his paw to put an end to this earthy-crunchy home-birthing crap once and for all. When the time comes, she insists, the Dolt is to wake her up after it's all over and the "professional medical people" have cleaned the damn kid up. Excellent call, Piper. Raige interrupts the birthing banter to announce the arrival of the latest demon in their lives. According to The Amazing Invisible Darryl, Tereza's murder was "the third in a string of Gypsy killings, and all of them had their eyes gouged out." Phoebe bursts into the parlor from the kitchen to ask the Dolt what he learned about her power regression. Not a whole lot, as you might have guessed given the ever-useless Elders' track record. Whatever Phoebe's going through is linked to her human emotions, not her supernatural abilities. Phoebe grimaces as Raige suggests hitting Tereza's funeral on the off chance Phoebe might receive a premonition of the killer. "Prenatal yoga this morning, and now you wanna crash a stranger's funeral?" Piper snorts derisively. "You really do need friends." Now, that was just uncalled for. Turning Piper into a hormonal shrike isn't going to make me stop hating Phoebe, either, Kern. Watch it.
Funeral montage. The Glamorous Ladies elbow their way into the gathering outside Lydia's decrepit Gulf Stream. Lydia babbles away in Romanian as Ava impassively observes the ritual. Meanwhile, Piper needs a cracker. No, seriously. The morning sickness has returned with a vengeance, and she's tempted to swipe the offering of saltines someone's placed by Tereza's open casket. Atop a pile of bananas and cheese, no less. Raige, who's been conveniently filling her friendless, jobless days with research into Gypsy customs, prudently advises Piper against such action. Evidently, the offerings are meant to accompany the deceased into the afterlife in case God's run out of canapés. Lydia concludes the ceremony with, "May I join the choir invisible of those dead who live again in minds made better by their presence." It's a touching sentiment when you think about it, but whatever. I get the feeling the writers are attempting to atone for last year's unforgivable bastardization of Chinese culture with a near-fetishistic attention to Gypsy detail, and I'm not falling for it. As the mourners head off towards the open bar, Piper and Raige order Phoebe to mingle. After all, she can't have a premonition if she doesn't invade the personal space of several dozen grief-stricken strangers, now can she?