Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Two's Company, Three's a Crowd
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.25.2003
Osaka. International Gateway of Breathtaking Architecture and High Technology. Look, I just Googled "Osaka," okay? And that's what I came up with. It's not funny, no. But it is ACCURATE. We're in an Osaka gambling hall of some sorts, complete with girls in glittery dresses slit up to the thigh and men with shiny reflecting sunglasses. We move through the gambling hall, passing many gambling hall patrons, until we come upon Sydney, tricked out in a spiky black wig and feather boa and Marshall, dressed as a very short Texan. Then the camera sort of swoops around them and stops.
And here's where, if there weren't a soundtrack slamming over my speakers, we'd assume a record had been screeched in mid-song because, well, everyone in the place is staring at Marshall and Sydney. Syd looks coolly at everyone. Marshall just goes, "Howdy!" and hopes nobody shoots him. The hall returns to its business, and Marshall tells Syd that if he were any more nervous, he'd need new underpants right about now. Ew. And hee. Syd just "mmms" to him. Like, dude? I'm on this mission, I don't know what in the hell YOU'RE doing. Marshall sneezes and claims he's allergic to his vest. I'd be allergic to that vest too, Marshall. It's bloody awful. Syd moves over as Marshall blathers on about how he's just about to cheat at cards at a casino run by gangsters. Syd futzes with his bolo tie. She's all, we talked about this on the plane, right? "I need to know you can do this," she husks. Marshall shoves a toothpick into the corner of his mouth. "Let's play cards," he says, looking dastardly. Hee.
Marshall's Card-Counting Cornucopia. Apparently, Marshall's really good at counting cards. Because there's an entire SCENE, complete with a SOUNDTRACK, devoted to his card sharking. I'm not joking. I'd recap it, but I'm too busy WAITING FOR THIS EPISODE TO END. Oh, there's lots of good fun to be had from Marshall winning at cards. Especially when there's a weird rap/Kenny Rogers musical montage to enjoy! Look, Marshall wins whack money, okay? And he and Syd get pulled into the back room, just like they wanted. But not before one of the Osaka dudes questions them and Marshall feels compelled to smack Sydney on the ass so hard she makes a face like, "Dude? It's an assignment, okay? Bring it DOWN A NOTCH. And touch my ass again, you'll be pulling back a stump."
It's actually the funniest moment in the episode. The main Osaka dude's all, you feel lucky? And Marshall's all, lucky? I AM lucky, okay? I am lucky I won all this money, and I am even luckier that a woman as hot as this knows how rich I am and therefore shares my bed! And then he hits her ass. THWACK! Syd looks like she wants to smack Marshall from here to Beirut. But she holds it well. It's just a hilarious, really; Marshall, smacking Syd's ass, and Syd, not being able to do a damn thing about it. Hee.