Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Two's Company, Three's a Crowd
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.25.2003
He tells her that they already made the exchange. Syd's all, the Covenant already picked up the weapons? Soymoan's all, don't you mean the BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS? And yeah, they did. And I've got the stacks of white paper to prove it. He saunters over to her and licks his chops all, oy! Dis is 'orrible, 'enry 'iggins! Oive goh a floight latah dis moanin', an' oive nivvah wanted to leave a place less! And if you can't understand what he just said there, then you haven't read enough Irvine Welsh.
Syd's pouts something about the exchange not being until tomorrow. Soymoan just tells her they moved up the schedule. Sigh. Pretty. So pretty. And you know I ain't talkin' 'bout Syd. She pouts some more about when she's going to see him again. "I have so many questions," she simpers. "'Bout whuh?" Soymoan asks. "About everything," Syd says, managing to put a seductive spin on it. Soymoan just brushes her off with a modified "I'll call you." Then he bails. Hee. Even rocket-hot girly spies get blown off on occasion.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the California desert that's standing in for Spain, a CIA vehicle pulls up alongside the ravine where Vaughn's treating the plants to a little AB positive. Agent Sean is the one to locate him, and he runs over, screaming for the medic. There's blood all over Vaughn's face. Um. I'm no doctor, but didn't Syd stab him sort of in the side? Like, it looked like his liver or kidneys or something. I mean, unless she hit an artery, I'm finding the blood-covered face bit a tad over the top. At any rate, Weiss gets on the horn and informs someone out there that Vaughn's in bad shape.
And now is the time on -- hey, wait a minute. Where's the Alias dance music? Oh, dammit. It's not on for some reason. That's just…I think I'm going to cry.
Hospital Room of So-Not-Dying Hot Dudes. Oh. Oh, no. Please tell me we're not getting a Grieving Wife Montage. Jesus. We're getting a Grieving Wife Montage. Complete with speed-warp movements and Sobbing Strings of Annoying Anvils. I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret here: Vaughn doesn't die. Oh, and he still loves Syd. And Syd still loves him. And Killjoy's actually a fembot. Yeah. Nostradamus? He's got nothing on me, baby.
Syd exits the elevator. She walks over to Vaughn's room, but before she can make it there, Killjoy comes around the corner. I actually thought she was going to run into Syd's arms there for a minute. Weird. Instead, Syd just asks how Vaughn's doing, and Killjoy answers that she doesn't know. In a nutshell, he's critical but stable and he's not awake. Apparently, as Killjoy explains, Vaughn lost oxygen when his lung collapsed, and they don't know yet if he suffered brain damage or not. Oh, this is so stupid. He's not gonna die and he's not gonna have brain damage, okay? I love the writers, yo, but really? This little glitch is SO not necessary. Just have him be out for the count, okay? A bit of a coma here, some cardiac arrest there, and then bring him around in time for, say, his wedding to Syd.