Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Not-So-Secret Service
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 25 | Aired on 09.13.2006
Kiefer's getting set up for his investigation, as he asks the Deputy Director where Xavier came from in the first place. The Deputy tells him that Xavier's an old snitch of Pete's. With that, Kiefer's off like a prom dress.
Speaking of Pete, he's now at his desk. He finds a manila envelope in his inbox, and slits it open. What he finds inside is a series of pictures of himself macking on the First Lady the night before, shot through a gap in the beach house curtains before he remembered to close them. Oops. "Mayflower Hotel, Friday 10 AM," reads the attached Post-It. Pete stashes the photos and looks around with a hunted expression, wondering which of his coworkers knows he's been in Cincinnati. Just then the elevator dings, heralding the arrival of Kiefer. He comes up to the obviously distressed Pete and asks, "What's wrong?" Pete crumples up the sheet on his desk as he lies, "Nothing." Kiefer wants to find Xavier, but Pete distractedly says Xavier's paranoid about being followed. "He wants a million bucks from us, Dave. I'm sure he'll contact us," Pete manages. Kiefer heads out, leaving instructions for Pete to contact him when he hears from Xavier. Hey, you know what Kiefer needs? A phone.
Meanwhile, the Director is in Montrose's office, asking how many of his people have had lie detector tests. "A little over half," Montrose admits. The Director charges right out of the room, announcing to everyone outside, "I want everyone in this room to have had a polygraph by 5 PM this afternoon, or don't show up for work tomorrow!" And he's out of there. What Pete should do is go in and take it right now, while his readings are still off the charts. Itâll totally screw up the baseline.
Lie detector montage, wherein all of Pete's agent colleagues are asked a series of baseline questions, like "Were you born in Morocco?" and "Have you been in contact with child pornography?" Aziz has to answer yes to that, having been involved in an "investigation." Sure, that's what Pete Townshend said. Meanwhile, Pete's pacing near the elevator, right next to the stern-faced portrait of President Hammer. I know you've been in Cincinnati, POTUS's eyes seem to accuse.
Pete goes to the Residence and shows the photos to the First Lady. He got in to see her that easily? I guess being on her security detail carries certain privileges. Besides the one from earlier, I mean. "Night-vision camera from a boat, stabilized by a gyroscope," he says. "Pretty sophisticated." FLOTUS doesn't seem too relieved to hear that at least they weren't busted by some amateur. He figures that it was someone inside the Service. "A hundred and forty-one years, there's never been a traitor in the Secret Service," Pete taglines. He's sure their voyeur and the traitor wanting to kill POTUS are one and the same. FLOTUS wonders if maybe they're not taking things too literally, and that the exposure of the affair would be death sentence enough for the President. "That's not gonna happen," Pete vows. We're supposed to think that Pete is just trying to protect the First Lady, but he's got to know that if they're looking for somebody in the Secret Service who wants the President dead, they're not going to keep looking after they've found the guy who's fucking the President's wife.
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