Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 63 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT What Was in the Box
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.12.2014
THE GOV
Peter: "I never saw this video before! Just heard about it in detail, and said to cover it up."
Marilyn: "But who are these people in this video?"
Eli: "One of them is Jim Moody, the starry-eyed bruiser DNC Frank gave me to be a heavy."
Peter: "Son of a..."
Marilyn: "You guys need to stop talking, right now. This entire conversation belongs to the gods of Federal prosecution now."
Peter: "I can't believe I was only in office a month before I fucked everything up."
Eli: "I know! That's so long!"
Marilyn: "This is like barely a Vine. All I see is a box. Who knows what's inside? Not us, because of the shortness and blurriness. Also, stop talking."
Eli: "See, but our lawyers uncovered the stuffed box, invalidated them, found out the 30,000 votes inside were for Peter, and then tried to validate them again."
Marilyn: "No prob, let me talk to the lawyer of that."
Eli: "You are not going to love this... It was Will and Alicia."
Marilyn: "Your WIFE? What the fuck goes ON on this show?"
Peter: "But who cares even? Because you can't win with that few votes. We won by eight points! Eight percent of Illinois is like six hundred thousand, if everybody that could vote did vote."
Marilyn: "Seriously fucking stop talking, sir. Eli, my office."
Eli: "Okay, give me one second for no reason in particular."
Marilyn: "I am not doing this ethical Keystone Kops thing with you today, not after you climbed all over my dick last week."
Eli: "I said it was not because of a voter fraud reason!"
Marilyn: "It's not the crime, it's the cover-up. Don't do this to me."
Peter: "I promise we won't cover anything up. We just have to talk about Illinois things in a casual way."
Peter: "Okay, she's gone. Let's talk about covering this up. Why would Moody sell us out?"
Eli: "It's not him. He's a dyed-in-the-wool, Joe Kennedy, Huey Long Democrat. He loves corruption but only for liberal reasons. He's a soldier. He 'gets' it."
Peter: "Maybe somebody at LG? Oh, did I mention that Will Gardner brought me this video on Election Day?"
Eli: "Are you fucking kidding me with this?"
Peter: "No! I refused to look at it! I put my fingers over my eyes and just barely peeked. Then I put my fingers over my mouth and just barely told him to destroy it. It was legal, in Child Court. It was No Backsies and Double-Dogged. Precedents including The People v. My Fingers Were Crossed, The People v. That's No Fair, and The State Of Illinois v. Sucks Is Not A Curse Word."