Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 63 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT What Was in the Box
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.12.2014
Judge: "Because you want to undercut the idea that Ms. Riggs was the manipulated one."Matan: "Yeah. Because we can screw them both if we do it right."
Christine: "Okay, again, they were in there fifteen minutes."
Matan: "Has anyone on an airplane ever gone in the bathroom and not fucked?"
Christine: "Nope, never."
Matan: "Your witness."
Diane: "Ms. Barrett, do you believe in premarital sex?"
Christine: "Um, what?"
Diane: "Ms. Barrett, are you a fan of Duck Dynasty?"
Christine: "If you're asking if I hate gay people, of course I do."
Diane: "And do you hate other women if you think they're prettier than you?"
Christine: "I'm only human!"
Diane: "Okay, can I ask you if you remember Ms. Riggs asking you for a clip or something, because the clasp on her skirt was broken?"
Christine: "Yes, that was before I realized she was a gold-digging lesbian whore. Wait, are you saying they were in there for fifteen minutes fixing a skirt? That makes sense."
Geneva: "Get the other jury in here, now. We need them to be a happy couple, not a mess, if we want a double win."
Matan: "Okay, Your Honor, can we have the other jury back?"
Bailiff: "For fuck's sake."
Judge: "Okay, why?"
Matan, verbatim: "I don't know. Because?"
AFTER
Lady: "It really was just a bout of skirt-fixing!"
Man: "I know that, obviously. Our love is real."
Cary: "Your deal is, six years for each of you. Both plead simple possession, or neither do."
Man: "I understand this because I am a nerd. I will explain it now."
(He does.)
Alicia: "The SA would love to play you off each other, too. So basically, this deal is their version of the highest good, and if you don't do this and they come after you separately, they're betting they can get at least one conviction due to our schizoid defense. They've covered the whole board."
Man: "Unless our love is so real that nothing can break us apart, and we both win."
Everybody: "Um, yeah. About that."
Will: "Consider that they never offered a deal until now, which means they're on the defensive. About at least one of you."
Alicia: "Can we talk to you away from them, Howard?"