Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shanghaied!
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.21.2006
Back at the printing-press and president-threatening facility, Kiefer's head wound is being patched up by a member of the SWAT team that arrested him just over twenty minutes ago. "Give me a second," he tells the medic, because Audrey has just gotten out of a CTUmobile that's driven her straight to her honey. She's all sunlit and dewy, and the music is soft and tender, and it's kind of a shame that the effect is ruined by her ill-advised decision to wear a black bra under her white blouse. Apparently no longer under arrest, Kiefer makes a big show of brushing past about twenty milling agents to get to her and make his big speech. It goes like this: "Hey." Audrey heys him right back, and says she's glad he's safe. Kiefer says everything's going to be all right, because even with ten minutes left in the season, it's never too late to jinx yourself. He explains that kidnapping the President was "just" a means to get a confession. She smiles a little and takes his hand. She asks how much longer he needs to stay. Kiefer says not long, because "they can debrief me tomorrow." Audrey asks, "Are you sure?" Kiefer decides, Enough talking! More snogging! and clamps his face onto Audrey's, like he wants her to debrief him right then and there. Their little moment is interrupted by a tall plainclothes agent. He's a gentleman of Asian extraction, as it happens, who in American-accented English tells Kiefer that his daughter's calling him. He explains that they've patched the call through to a land line for some reason, and Kiefer can pick up the call inside. How nice of them to reconnect the phones at this abandoned facility just so Kiefer can hear Spawn without all the annoying cell phone static and dropped audio that has been such a trial for him all season. He thanks the agent, then promises Audrey he'll be right back. He'll regret saying that. "Take as long as you need," Audrey says. "I'm not going anywhere." Which she'll also regret saying. They kiss once more, and Kiefer tells her he loves her before heading inside the building. Oh, now he's done it.
Once inside the door, he quickly spots the wall phone and crosses to it. He picks up the receiver. "Hey, Kim?" he says. But before he even has time to realize that Kim's not on the line, a chloroform-soaked cloth is clapped over his mouth from behind. He struggles with his ski-masked attacker, as well as two more who come into the room to hold him in place. The last thing he sees before he blacks out is a glimpse through the window at Audrey, standing outside and smiling cluelessly. The three men drag Kiefer further into the building -- probably towards another exit -- at 6:49:03. See, Kiefer? Karma's a bitch.