Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shanghaied!
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.21.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.After Logan turns out to be something of a, ahem, "one-termer" in bed, he gets on a helicopter without FLOTUS to bid farewell to Palmer's remains at the airport. Naturally, Kiefer's in the copilot's seat by the time Logan boards. Kiefer hijacks the chopper and takes Logan to an abandoned factory to try and get a confession out of him. Armed with a suitcase full of electronic equipment delivered by Morris O'Brian, Kiefer makes a big speech and tries to force Logan to incriminate himself on camera. But Logan's able to hold out until the cavalry arrives, and Kiefer's arrested. So Logan's free to proceed to the airport and salute Palmer's casket. But before that happens, FLOTUS meets him there and throws a rather public conniption. Logan drags FLOTUS into an empty hangar and throws an even uglier scene at her in private, in which they hash over Logan's crimes yet again. Logan's careful to make sure that FLOTUS isn't wearing a wire before he gets into it, of course. But what he doesn't know is that the one wearing a wire is Logan himself, courtesy of Kiefer and Morris. So finally, the Attorney General gets to hear a damning recording of Logan. And Logan is arrested in front of everyone, just moments later. I guess his guilt makes it okay that Kiefer kidnapped and threatened to kill the President of the United States of America. Kiefer is free to have a joyous reunion with Audrey, because our government is just that forgiving. Less forgiving: the Chinese government. Still pissed about the death of their Consul last season, they nab Kiefer and put him on a slow boat to...well, you know. And you think it's going to be a long hiatus for us? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
At first I was wondering why we needed two minutes' worth of previouslies when the last episode ended three minutes ago, but now I understand: President Logan needed that entire two minutes to schtup his wife and then get halfway dressed. My, what a fabulous lover he must be. At least when he's in jail, FLOTUS's conjugal visits will be short. He helps zip her into her funereal black dress, but not before stealing a kiss on the back of her neck. And now she's the one who's stiff, as she thanks him as sincerely as she can manage. The First Lady's face is heartbreaking to behold, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to her vagina.
In the Secret Service outbuilding nearby, Kiefer has found a handy flight suit in one of the lockers. Chloe calls his cell phone to let him know that she and Morris are working on getting Kiefer a spot on the helicopter's crew. We can see her PhotoShopping Kiefer's ID picture onto a badge that will presumably get him on the chopper, with Novick's help in verifying pilot codes. He switches over from cell phone to earpiece and tells Chloe he'll call her from the helicopter. Confident, aren't we? Kiefer tosses his cell phone to Aaron -- now rocking a sporty dark shirt/light windbreaker combo -- and tells him to expect a call from Novick. He heads off-screen to change. And back at CTU, Chloe says she has one more job for Morris.
A Secret Service agent runs up to the helicopter parked in the Not Camp David corral and tells the copilot that there's some kind of issue with his "packet," and the boss needs to talk to him on the phone right now. Maybe his packet says that he lacks a certain tendency to hijack aircraft while trying to bring down the President of the United States, and we just can't have that at a time like this.
Kiefer's fake ID and papers are coming over the color fax to Novick right now. He pops them into a scanner, moving as quickly as he can. Heavens, the tension of hurried office tasks. He looks like me at work when I'm facing a tight production deadline. He starts guiltily when FLOTUS appears behind him. Man, she doesn't even have JBF hair. Novick explains that he's sending documents to Kiefer at the Secret Service outbuilding, and she tells him that they're running out of time. And then runs out of the room. Hey, maybe she should see if she can get Logan to go for a two-fer. That might buy them another ten seconds or so. Novick calls Aaron to let him know the papers are coming through. "How are we doing for time?" Aaron wonders. "Hurry," is Novick's only answer. Aaron sees the document appearing on the fax next to him. Nice to see that the most protected man in the world can be gotten to with a couple of third-generation color copies on plain paper.