Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pets And Petulance
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.15.2002
Quantum shouts that there's no sexual attraction. "She's coming back down!" Phlox squawks as Hoshi walks into Sick Bay. "Watch out! Don't let her in the corridor!" Phlox yells. Channeling Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and a few other soprano-pitched Disney heroines, Hoshi puts her hand out for Pyro to land on and coos, "Hey, are you all right?" She shields Pyro with her body and glares at the two panting men: "What are they trying to do to you?" Phlox relieves Hoshi of Pyro and puts the bat back in her cage. Hoshi tells Quantum that the Kreetassans called and left an indignant message for him. "It's the middle of the night!" Quantum grunts. Yeah, but you're up anyway, so what's the big? Hoshi informs him of the Kreetassan suggestion that Enterprise calibrate their clocks to match that of their capital city. "It's not a requirement, sir, it's just a courtesy," Hoshi tells him, parroting President J.F. Kreetassan. Quantum thanks her, in a way that implies not only that she's excused but that he's pretty much going to ignore everything she told him. Before she leaves, Hoshi The Tender-Hearted asks how Porthos is. "I'll let you know," Quantum tells her, and gives Phlox a nasty look. "In a couple of hours." Is it just me, or does Quantum really need a time-out until he adjusts his attitude with a crowbar enema? After finding out that there's no more news on Porthos, and after Phlox's assurance that he'll stay with the pooch, Quantum heads off to bed. "Unless you'd like to continue our discussion regarding Sub-Commander T'Pol," Phlox innocently suggests. Quantum pulls the curtain closed on Phlox's face.
And now we descend, once again, into the depths of The Totally Pointless And Wholly Inappropriate. Quantum dreams that he's at Porthos's funeral. It's raining, the whole crew is there, and Phlox, as the minister, is intoning the eulogy. And now we take a left onto The Path Of The Deeply Disturbed -- as Quantum turns a pathetic face to T'Pol and she moves closer to him, offering the shelter of her umbrella and slipping her hand into his, Phlox's eulogy turns from Porthos to sexual attraction. I'm really starting to wonder what exactly it is that turns some of the writers of this show on. Dead dog = erotic dreams. Well, that's just so appetizing that I wish I could take it home and reheat it with the episode that touted T'Pol's mind-rape as a sexy encounter in the episode trailers. The Blue Lights Of Totally Gratuitous Nekkidity blaze again as Quantum's subconscious reconstructs the first scene of the episode. However, this time, it's he and T'Pol who have contracted a pathogen and must stay in Sick Bay for further mutual rubdown. After Porthos and Hoshi leave, Quantum dips his hands in some more decon gel and turns to face a suddenly nekkid T'Pol. I suppose that's the best way to rid yourself of a pesky pathogen. I find it singular that in both of Quantum's dreams, it's T'Pol who's initiating First Contact. T'Pol and Quantum's skin look like someone in makeup had way too much fun with Benefit Cosmetics glitter powder. T'Pol steps into Quantum's embrace, and I start to worry about all the cuts he's going to get from her edges. Seriously, Jolene? It's called eating -- you might want to try it sometime. Through the comm system, Phlox repeats the same stuff he was saying in Sick Bay about Quantum's alleged attraction to his Science Officer. Can someone tell me what the deal is with this soundtrack sounding like a Cary Grant-Grace Kelly light romantic comedy? As T'Pol kisses Quantum, Quantum mercifully wakes up. I wonder how many other people shot out their televisions tonight.