Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pets And Petulance
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.15.2002
Quantum's Quarters. It's nine-fifteen in the morning (I wonder if that's Enterprise or Kreetassan time), and Quantum's having his morning eggs when T'Pol walks in to report Trip's contentment with their new plasma injector. "Did he tell you they gave us two spares out of the kindness of their hearts?" Quantum smirks, and paces over to his Weight Of The World Window to ponder his excessive greatness when it comes to humility. "Evidently, the finesse you exhibited outside the Hall of Diplomacy was appreciated," T'Pol comments. Either that or they were so terrified by his Chia Chest that they want to ensure he doesn't come back to bug them for plasma injectors again. "Since I've been getting so much practice giving apologies, I thought I might give you one," Quantum says, nearly gagging on the last half of his sentence. T'Pol tells him it's not necessary. "Yes, it is," Quantum contradicts her. "I've been under a lot of stress lately, haven't gotten much sleep. My dog --" T'Pol interrupts the information as to whether Porthos is dead or alive by telling him there's no need for him to apologize. "Whatever friction there's been between us -- I'd like to try to minimize it," Quantum says. T'Pol believes that friction happens when people are in such close quarters for extended periods of time. "I guess that's always been true," Quantum agrees, and goes on to say, "Especially when the people are of the opposite sex." Oh, god -- where is he going with this? Didn't he listen when Phlox told him he'd only make it worse if he opened his big furrowing mouth? T'Pol heads him off at the pass and says, "Then it's good that you're my superior officer [and] that we're not in a position to allow ourselves to become attracted to one another...hypothetically. If we were, the friction that you speak of could be much more problematic." And sexually harassing. Quantum furrows The Furrow Of Being Shot Down Before He Even Really Got Up In The Air, and nods. T'Pol mimics his nod, sans furrow, and leaves him to more furrowing and his window.
Corridor. Quantum even furrows when he walks. The man needs to watch tapes of his performances and consider getting a complete furrow-ectomy. I'm serious, people; this is getting out of control. Quantum walks into Sick Bay. "No apologies," Phlox advises him. "I promise," Quantum half-laughs. Phlox understands that things went well with the Kreetassans, and Quantum admits to doubting whether he would have gone down there if it weren't for Phlox's clever psychology. "I owe you one," Quantum stiffs. Phlox shrugs that off and tells him he'll be pleased to know that while he was gone, things went very well with Porthos. "The transplant?" Quantum asks, suddenly concerned.
Wait -- he hasn't found out about Porthos' status, yet he was calmly eating his eggs and nearly propositioning his Science Officer? If he were trying to portray a true animal lover, he would have come running into Sick Bay -- bead-plastered cornrows and all -- as soon as he got back from the planet's surface. And going by the shot of Enterprise sailing through the sky, it looks like she's long been underway, which means he would have had to give that order to May-smack before he gave his egg order to Chef! Although, honestly? It's not like I bought Quantum's "I'm just acting like a completely spoiled brat because I'm concerned for my pet" once during the excursion through his subconscious urges masquerading as an episode. Memo to Bakula, whose "talent" I once enjoyed on a long-ago show: Excessive petulance and peevishness does not add up to concern for your pet. It sure as hell didn't convince this animal lover, and I know for a fact that it didn't convince any other animal lovers out there either. And while I'm up, here's a memo to the freak who signed me up for a virus-infected Bakula Fan Club mailing list: You're a prick and obviously nurse a severely mangled psyche.