Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Let's Give The Boy A Hand
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.24.2004
12:15:25. The dead Villain of the Piece gets carted out of CTU on a gurney, Wild Card looks around shiftily, and Potato Face wonders if anyone's going to try to pin this mess on her besides me. At Division, Palmer's evilest-looking Cabinet member briefs him on the story so far. Dude, don't bother Palmer with this nonsense. He's got a lot of staring into the middle distance to do this afternoon. Anyway, since Saunders is out of the picture, Wild Card is the last order of business before they can put this crisis to bed. Palmer orders the Cabinet guy to "Find him." The entire federal government reverses everything it's been doing for the last twenty-four hours. Seriously, does Palmer really think he needs to tell people this shit? The Cabinet guy just smirks at him as if he knows perfectly well that Palmer was off loitering in a public park an hour ago.
A devastated Brother Palmer walks in, and the Cabinet guy is dismissed. Palmer asks Brother Palmer if Milliken's medicine bottle was retrieved. Brother Palmer confirms it. Palmer chirps, "Well, that's good." Being a successful politician is all about reading people, you know. Brother Palmer, of course, also has bad news -- Lady Mac is dead. Palmer, shocked, asks how it happened. Brother Palmer recaps the last minute or so of last week's episode. He's not as good at it as I am, but he hits the high points: Julia showed up, killed Lady Mac, and then herself. Palmer grabs Brother Palmer by both sides of his head. What a weird gesture. But I think I just figured out why Brother Palmer has his head shaved. This probably happens all the time, and Brother Palmer got tired of having his hair pulled. Palmer demands, "They're both dead?" Brother Palmer confirms it. Palmer slumps into a chair. Brother Palmer points out that at least their political problems are solved now. I think Brother Palmer needs to learn the difference between a silver lining and duct tape. Palmer says, "You're thinking of the politics of this? The mother of my children has just been murdered." Brother Palmer sees that and raises it with the sight of the woman he loved committing suicide. I don't think the chicks are going to be lining up for either one of them at this point. Brother Palmer tries to come up with a story they can spin about Milliken having an affair with Lady Mac, which caused Julia to kill them both, but Palmer doesn't want to hear it. Too little, too late, dude. You should have put an end to this storyline weeks ago. Nobody on this show ever listens to me. Brother Palmer tries to keep talking, but Palmer screams, "No!" That was rather unpresidential of him. Just ask Howard Dean. Palmer tells his brother to leave him alone. Both of their eyes are filled with tears at being brought so low by such a ridiculous plot. After Brother Palmer leaves, Palmer asks his secretary to get the kids on a conference call. Far be it from me to tell him how to handle this situation, but if I were in his place I think I'd find out whether their mom is still bleeding on the floor of her beach house or on the way to the morgue. Seriously, did Brother Palmer call the police after witnessing the murder-suicide, or did he and his hired burglar just skedaddle? So many questions.
12:19:32. Kiefer gives instructions to a uniformed cop and a plainclothes agent on the new plan for identifying Wild Card. Basically, they're going to break up everyone into groups of ten and put an agent in charge of each group. Then they'll search everyone who's still in the station, which is probably going to take a while. I think we can all relax now, don't you? I just hope that next season they tell us how this turns out. Special Agent Charlie Brown wanders over to Kiefer with a couple of Styrofoam cups of joe and hands one to Kiefer. He also hands Kiefer the forgiveness that Kiefer never asked for, over that whole Kiefer-being-ready-to-shoot-him-dead-in-Mexico thing. Special Agent Charlie Brown knows Kiefer was just doing his job. It's good that he's figured out a way to handle what happened. Kiefer says something about staying detached (he'll be giving Special Agent Charlie Brown a hands-on demonstration of that concept later). Which is Special Agent Charlie Brown's opening to announce that he's done with Field Ops after today. Oh, he's so dead. He goes on to say that he doesn't want to be detached from Spawn or Tater Tot. Kiefer asks if he's sure, and the emotional music swells as Special Agent Charlie Brown just gets more and more dead. Special Agent Charlie Brown asks Kiefer what he thinks, and I think it's nice of him to offer Kiefer a hand in his decision. Kiefer says he's the last person to ask, but it's between SACB and Spawn and he'll support whatever they choose. Kiefer then tells him he's a good man. Shout-out? Either way, if Kiefer's going to make comments like that before this is all resolved, he should just save some time and shoot Special Agent Charlie Brown in the face right now. It's 12:21:39.