Episode Report Card Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Merry Mayhem
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.10.2002
Cue the Holly, Jolly Christmas Montage. At Casa Leery, Lily toddles around the living room, holding gifts and swaying perilously close to the fire. Jen and Grams are in a practically empty church, which makes no sense at all because if there's one day in the entire year during which every Christian church is packed to the gills, it's Christmas. Over at the Potter B&B, Alexander runs around the living room as the family decorates their traditional fake tree. Audrey, for her part, spends some quality time staring sadly out the window, thinking about her Spiral and how very, very Downward it is.
The next morning. Casa Potter. Alexander toddles into Joey's room. "Auntie Joey, Auntie Joey, it's Christmas!" he squeals. Aw, Alexander is so cute! Joey sleepily opens her eyes and tries to convince him that it's far too early to open presents. But Alexander isn't buying it. Which makes sense, because he's, you know, four. And when you're four, you want to open gifts immediately or sooner. Enter Bad Dad Mike Potter, carrying a cup of something warm. Possibly booze. Joey groans that Audrey kept her up all night (doing what? Crying? Barfing? Trying to take off her pants? We are never to know). Mr. Potter just gives her a look, so Joey finally peels herself out of bed and puts on a robe. "What does a girl have to do to get some sleep around here?" she grouses. "Well, Merry Christmas to you, too," Mr. Potter retorts. Then he explains that there's "a boy" waiting for her at the front door, and she'd best not keep him waiting. What? What time is it? Why is said boy still outside? Is it not cold in Capeside? Does a polite person not invite a visitor inside? So. Many. Questions!
Anyway, Joey goes to investigate, throwing the Potter Fake Tree a dirty look as she goes. The boy waiting for her, of course, is Oliver. Who has brought her a real live tree. Snowflakes dust Oliver's Marty McFly ensemble as he leans against his car and grins at her. She smiles back. Am I fired if I admit that I really liked that moment?
While Joey and Oliver bond over evergreens, Audrey rummages through the Potter medicine cabinet. Sadly, she doesn't find anything to her liking. She stares at herself in the mirror and takes a swig from her flask. "Nobody likes you," she tells her reflection. "You are a loser. And don't forget it." Check…check…and check! Seriously, are we supposed to feel sorry for Audrey? Because she's been such a pain-in-the-ass-y bitch this season that I'm just waiting for her to drop dead. Finally, she wanders out into the living room, and asks Mr. Potter where "Tony and Maria" are. Okay, first of all: I was under the impression that Alexander wanted to open his stocking. Are they making the kid wait while Joey canoodles with a stranger on the porch? Or is this later? Second, Joey and Oliver are so not Tony and Maria, especially since he's not in a gang and he hasn't killed any of her family members. Well, not yet. Mr. Potter says that the lovebirds are outside. Audrey nods and fingers the new, real tree, which has been nicely decorated and placed by the fire. Oh, okay: I guess Joey and Oliver came inside, set up the new tree, and then went back outside. Why are they outside all the time? Oh, whatever. Mr. Potter asks Audrey what she knows about Oliver. "I don't know. Chip on his shoulder, blow on his collar?" Audrey offers snidely, and sits down. Mr. Potter shrugs that Joey seems to like him, and wonders if they're serious. "Like a heart attack," Audrey says, telling him that Oliver "incorporates the best of Pacey and Dawson, making him, like, the T-1000 of love interests." Mr. Potter lets this sink in. And then Audrey asks him what he can tell her about the joint.