Episode Report Card Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Merry Mayhem
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.10.2002
Outside, Audrey stumbles across the snow, which gives like a quilt beneath her feet -- which makes sense, since it's the fakest snow ever and actually is a quilt. She staggers all the way over to Pacey's car and unlocks it without falling over completely. She does, however, manage to show her entire ass crack whilst unlocking the door, and that's something I could have lived without, thank you very much. Anyway, she climbs in the car, starts it, reverses it, puts it back into drive, and then slams it right through the Leery's house and into the living room. Whoops!
Inside the house, everyone at the table looks shocked and leaps up to investigate. Pacey's airbag has not gone off, which I think is totally ridiculous. Audrey stumbles out of the car, wiping blood from her mouth. She just sort of looks at them. "Yeah. I kind of think I zagged when I should have zigged," she explains, and then passes out on the sofa. Um. Okay. That was sort of anti-climactic. Between you and me, I was really hoping Audrey would die. Or, at the very least, that the car would explode and we'd get some kind of fireball, destroying the entire Leery household and horribly disfiguring someone. Anyone, really.
After the commercials, Pacey storms out the door and into the yard, Doug in hot pursuit. Where is the ambulance? Where are the police? Where are the Leerys going to stay for the night? Has anyone called Audrey's mother and father? Shouldn't someone come out and make sure that Audrey hasn't taken out a load-bearing wall? Are any of these issues going to be addressed? (Confidential to readers: the answer is "no.") "Pacey, do you have any idea what you're asking me to do here?" Doug asks. Pacey knows. And I know that Pacey is an idiot; he's asking Doug not to arrest Audrey. He's asking Doug to "make it go away." Doug rightly points out that Audrey needs serious help. Pacey yelps that this is the only way he can help her. No, Pacey. You can let her clean up her own messes. If she keeps getting away with shit, she's going to keep trying to get away with shit. This is basically what Doug says. Pacey won't listen, though. He pleads with Doug to pull some strings. "Please, Doug." Doug shakes his head. "You willing to take all the blame for this?" he finally asks, wearily. Pacey is. Why? Audrey's family can pay for it! And Audrey has to learn to take responsibility for her actions! I know Pacey feels guilty for kicking off the downward spiral with the whole I Never Loved Audrey thing, but she's a big girl. I've had my heart broken in the past -- and broken good -- and I certainly didn't react to it by driving a car through a wall. Although that might have been a quicker fix than what I did do, which was fall into a deep depression and spend a lot of time studying and festering and planning a certain someone's death and then eating ice cream. Anyway, Doug can't believe this, and tells Pacey that although he's given himself "quite the makeover," he's still "looking for the quick fix." Pacey looks quite sulky at this, but Doug is right. Doug continues, telling Pacey that now Audrey's going to "live to drink and drive another day and it might not end so happily next time." Pacey heaves a giant sigh. The brothers stare at each other. "If anybody asks, you did this," Doug finally says. "New car, you lost control, you're a moron, people will believe you, trust me," he spits. I don't think he meant that meanly, really; Pacey IS acting like a moron, and I think Doug is just fed up. Pacey mutters that he'll "pay for everything." Doug shakes his head. "Yeah, throw some money at it. That'll fix it," he says, disgusted. I've got to tell you, I'm with Dougie, here. Pacey wonders angrily what Doug wants from him. "Why are you doing this, Pacey?" Doug counters, telling Pacey that when he was a cook, Doug was so proud of him. "There was something, I don't know, honest about it. Almost noble. Guess it didn't suit you, did it?" he asks. Pacey rolls his eyes in response. Okay, now: while I'm with Doug for the most part, there's nothing wrong with being a stockbroker, although there's clearly something going on at Pacey's office. But money isn't inherently evil, and there's nothing shameful about having a high-paying job. I swear to God, this show has the most screwed-up take on money that I have never seen -- Joey refuses to take a student loan, for example, and now Pacey is being vilified for being able to afford a BMW. Which way do they want to have it?
Back at the house, Audrey sleeps on Dawson's bed, her makeup perfect. Jen kneels beside her and asks how she feels. Audrey wonders how she looks in response. Jen offers to call Ma and Pa Liddell, which prompts Audrey to yelp loudly that if Jen does, she'll "kick [Jen's] ass back to New York." Give me a break. I'd be on the phone to Audrey's parents immediately, if I were Gale, no matter what she said. And what does it mean when I sympathize more with the adults on this show than the kids? Jen quietly wonders why Audrey is "so angry." Audrey rolls her eyes. "Okay, Dr. Melfi, is this some sad attempt to impress [Blandy]? Because last time I checked, he's not here," she spits. Jen contends that she's just trying to help. Audrey shrugs. "Pretend I'm just too far gone, which isn't too far from the truth anyway," she advises. Oh, yawn. Audrey's self-pity is terribly dull. "None of you even noticed how far gone I was until tonight," she adds. Behind her back, Jen gives Audrey a truly hilarious disgusted look. "With friends like you, who needs enemas?" Audrey finally finishes. More amusing disgust from Michelle Williams, although this might be at the stupidity of the line rather than Audrey's sad-sack status. Seriously, I ask you: how are we supposed to feel about Audrey? Are we supposed to feel sorry for her? Because I don't. I wish she'd pull an Abby Morgan and fall into the creek. Anyway, finally Jen just gets up and walks out. As the door closes, Audrey opens her eyes sadly.