Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Till The Suck Runs Out
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 11 | Aired on 07.08.1999
John picks up Rorg's guns and shoves it into Rolf's chest: "I'm Butch. This is Sundance." (Hell yeah, part two.) Aeryn's mouth is now just hanging open. "You can forget about the fugitives. Sundance, rip out that beacon. I don't want any other idiots seeing it and getting a bright idea. That bounty belongs to me." He stares down Rolf, who attempts to growl menacingly. John is so, so awesome sometimes. Oh man, I forgot: John's wearing a fitted tee the entire episode to like where you can actually read the thoughts of his muscles, and Aeryn is looking ten times hotter than normal in a similar t-shirt but with additional totally sexy overalls and her hair all...well, I mean it's very...this is not the worst episode you ever saw, and the hair is a big part of that. Maybe the main thing. If they'd kept these outfits throughout, you're looking at six or seven seasons, easy. Maybe a national holiday.
Up in the sky, Pilot informs the boys that the flares are still cutting them off from communicating with John and Aeryn. D'Argo's still in a hurry to leave, enough that he continues to threaten to leave them behind. He and Rygel discuss how Zhaan's on the terrace jacking off, and then we cut to her clothes, which are in a pile, and her hand stretched out across them in the light. "We must never leave this place," she groans. Ha! Dude, she is so awesome in this episode. D'Argo heads out to get her, and Rygel warns him not to. "She said something about leaving her clothes behind." D'Argo's just completely out of his depth now. I wonder how much of this is more sex stuff, poor guy. Even the 900-year old Priestess is getting her rocks off, and all D'Argo has is John yanking his tentacles. "Frell with Crichton's precious module, I'm going down to that planet and drag them both back here myself." Rygel says he's glad to be of help.
John and the Vorcarians sit at a campfire; Aeryn's behind John, holding the beacon. He asks the dogs why they even think the fugitives are still around. "The Leviathan ship they stole was sighted in a system not far from here. We think this might be their next stop." And, John wonders delicately, if there are more hunters on the way. "Could be, the wanted beacons were on several planets. Why do you ask?" The sneaky tone in his voice. "Just wondering how many more bounty hunters are out of luck, because these fugitives are mine," says John. He's doing a good job of picking up on all this stuff. Who knew he was a dog whisperer? The Vorcarians growl at this last, and John points a smoldering brand at them. "Knock it off! What do you know about Luxans, or Hynerians, or Delvians?" Nothing. John's version of "hardcore" is a lot like his version of "sexy," and "diplomatic," and also like his version of "trying not to cry," in that they are equally hot and equally quiet. I don't think it's lazy acting, I think it's about going internal, and he manages to do all of these, especially the second one, to the very best of his or anyone else's ability. They stare at each other; Aeryn looks from the beacon back to John. "The beacon is useless," he says harshly. "It doesn't tell you these fugitives won't be taken without a lot of blood spilled." They laugh that they like spilled blood, get it, because they are gross, stupid dog people with stupid dog noses. "Well, I don't. Not my own. How good are you two? I might be willing to cut you in. You help me capture the prisoners and we'll split the bounty 70/30." Rolf gets in John's face again, pointing his gun: "70/40." John promises him 80/40. "Are you in or out?" They back down; cut to the dogs walking alone down the square. "Are we in?" And they laugh: "For now." (To be fair, I also hate the dog people from the future. For some reason, this episode is a total milestone for callbacks; I admit I might be missing something. I submit to you, however, that this is because I fall asleep continually trying to watch this crap.)