Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT When Worlds Collide
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 02.13.2005
At the hospital, TerrorTeen answers his cell phone and says he's still waiting for NonTerrorUncle to come through with the drugs already. TerrorMom explains to him as soothingly as she can that the situation has changed. During her spiel, we get a minor bullshit scare when NonTerrorUncle interrupts (angrily) to tell him it'll be just a few more minutes. "You won't be arrested or even named in any of this," she tells her confused kid. He still doesn't get it. "I'm going to help them stop your father," she finally spells out. TerrorTeen asks what will happen to her. She dodges the question, saying that she wants him to go with the agents that are coming to get him. "Are they making you say this?" TerrorTeen asks, "cannily." In order to calm TerrorTeen's suspicions, TerrorMom offers to come with the agents when they pick him up. Kiefer nods. TerrorTeen says he'll meet her outside. Kiefer cuts in and says he'd rather TerrorTeen go to the hospital's emergency room because he wants the kid where it's crowded. TerrorTeen agrees, and they hang up. Kiefer, Soul Patch, and TerrorMom stand up to head to the hospital, but not for the normal reason that three people go to the hospital when one of them has been shot.
TerrorTeen is torn between just walking out of the pharmacy's waiting area or telling his NonTerrorUncle he's leaving. As always, he makes the wrong decision. When NonTerrorUncle hears that TerrorTeen plans to take off, he angrily runs to catch up with him and grabs him by the arm. NonTerrorUncle blows his "cover," saying he talked to TerrorDad and gave his word that he wouldn't let TerrorTeen leave. "My father is a terrorist," TerrorTeen yells. "Stop talking crazy," NonTerrorUncle hisses, but TerrorTeen won't be stopped. "He's behind the kidnapping this morning and the reactors melting down. We're all involved, my mother and me. We've killed people." All this at top volume in a public area. Way to convince the guy you're not on drugs there, TerrorTeen. Although, in TerrorTeen's defense, he doesn't know what TerrorDad told NonTerrorUncle. Next time I start a sentence with the words "In TerrorTeen's defense," feel free to skip ahead. "Your father will be furious when he hears this," NonTerrorUncle says. TerrorTeen finally realizes that TerrorDad is on his way to the hospital right now. He pushes his uncle away and dashes off down the hall, NonTerrorUncle in hot (as in "angry") pursuit.
Soul Patch, TerrorMom, and Kiefer are leaving the hotel with Soul Patch at the wheel. That SUV has crazy-good pickup. It's 3:49:44.
TerrorTeen is running through the labyrinthine halls of the hospital, totally lost, until he comes face to face with TerrorDad, who's just standing there with has hands behind his back. Well, how very lucky for TerrorDad. NonTerrorUncle appears behind TerrorTeen and tells his brother-in-law sheepishly, "I tried to stop him." TerrorDad nods understandingly, then whips out his silenced handgun and plugs NonTerrorUncle twice in the chest. This is how TerrorDad cleans up a mess? By shooting pharmacists in hospitals? What does he do when he wants to make a mess? Oh, that's right, he tries to melt down 104 nuclear reactors. Carry on, TerrorDad. He grabs TerrorTeen and drags him into a stairwell. Why he doesn't kill him outright is beyond me. Maybe he's really just a big softie. ["Or he wants to get TerrorMom's location out of him first." -- Sars] He hauls his son down a flight or two and pushes him against the wall, then releases him. TerrorTeen just stands there. "You broke my heart, TerrorTeen," TerrorDad says sadly, and TerrorTeen wonders, like the rest of us, whether TerrorDad has changed his mind about killing him. But then the gun muzzle is up against TerrorTeen's forehead. When TerrorTeen tries and fails to grab the gun by bugging out his eyeballs really far, he cries, "If you kill me, Mother will tell them everything!" TerrorDad demands, "Tell who?" TerrorTeen explains how she's with the police, "and if you kill me she will ruin everything you're doing." Looks like all TerrorDad's been doing lately is trying to kill TerrorTeen, so that's not really true. TerrorDad agrees with me, screaming, "Liar!" His face looks like a skull with eyeballs right now. TerrorTeen says, "If you don't believe me, look outside. They're coming to pick me up." It's 3:50:56.