Episode Report Card Demian: C | 241 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Chris Of The Spider Woman
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 18 | Aired on 2004.04.18
Not!warts Not-So-Great Hall. Head In A Bag, who's actually Head On A Nerdy And Tedious Character Actor now, approaches the de-robed Dolt with a large book, identifying The Spider Woman's last victim as "Rathmere," a prominent wizard who disappeared in 1904. The entry further notes that "all that remains as evidence of his existence are his wand and his legacy of magic." The Dolt confirms that the wand is in Not!warts "collection," and turns to fetch it, only to find his way blocked by a disapproving Gideon, and God, I hate this subplot, too. Gideon dismisses Head On A Nerdy And Tedious Character Actor so he can bitch at the Dolt regarding his dereliction of duty, or whatever. The Dolt impatiently brushes past Gideon, and boring! Long story short, Gideon reminds the Dolt that he endangers the other ever-useless Elders every time he visits the Manor, the Dolt tells Gideon to cram it because he's got to save his son, Gideon thinks he's talking about the Psycho, the Dolt admits that he's actually referring to Chris, Gideon looks malicious and evil, the Dolt's too stupid to notice that Gideon is malicious and evil, and the two part ways when Dolt obstinately orbs back to the Manor. Head On A Nerdy And Tedious Character Actor returns, and the two connive and conspire to "sacrifice" the Psycho as planned, regardless of any possible intervention by Big Gay Chris.
Manor. The camera swings past "Untitled in Fiberglass No. 3 (Piper Halliwell)" to land on Phoebe mixing the Spider Woman antidote in the dining room. Raige, having returned from the club, offers her assistance, but Phoebe's pretty much done. The Dolt orbs in with Rathmere's wand and some scrying utensils, and the Manor Morons discuss possible future reasons for Big Gay Chris's Dolt-directed animosity as a CGI spider emerges from a brass heating vent in the floor. When this first aired, I mistakenly thought it was The Spider Woman Spider and was thus a little confused by what followed, but on second viewing, this spider's smaller and greyer and clearly coming from the basement, so it must be Chris. We get a blurry arachnid POV of Phoebe's feet as Spider-Chris scuttles on over to the dining room. Phoebe's Fucking Backup Band kicks in, and she shrieks, "My God, [Dolt], can't you think of anything but yourself?" Raige and the Dolt blink at her as Spider-Chris warily backs away from his empathic aunt. "That was kind of weird," Phoebe admits before the Fucking Backup Band swings back in and she shouts, "You totally bailed on us!" "What the hell?" Raige snorts as Phoebe realizes she's "channeling Chris's anger." "He's in the basement," the Dolt reminds her. "Can you empath from so far away?" "Empath" is not a verb. Shut up, Dolt. Phoebe supposes her powers are expanding. "Or he's closer than we think," Raige offers. Guess which of the two is right?