Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: B+ | 4 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Dear Feelings Journal...
By Cindy McLennan | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.10.2009
Priestess (headquartered in Salem), even though we're descended from Old Covenanter preachers, and Anabaptists. Bonnie confesses that she wondered if Gram ought to be sent to a home. "But then I started thinking, I predicted Obama, and I predicted Heath Ledger, and I still think Florida will break off and turn into little resort islands." Heh. Elena has drifted off, but Bonnie snaps her back to attention, so Elena apologizes and asks for a prediction about herself. Even though she's driving, Bonnie looks at Elena and says, "I see..." SMACK! Oh Bonnie, eyes front. Eyes front! I was going to wager the smack was caused by a vampire, but it didn't look large enough. Besides, it's daylight, although wait...that didn't seem to bother Stefan. Hmmm. As Bonnie skids to a stop, Elena takes a deep breath and tries to unscrew her facial muscles before they freeze like that. "It's okay, I'm fine." Bonnie explains, "It was like a bird, or something. It came out of nowhere." How do you know, Bonnie? You weren't even looking at the road. I am never letting my kids get into cars with their friends. Once Elena resolves not to be freaked out by cars the rest of her life, Bonnie predicts this is going to be a kick-ass year and Elena will be "beyond happy." As they drive through the intersection, the camera pans to a raven sitting atop an old-style street sign for Laurel Ave. He doesn't want to spoil us, so he doesn't vocalize his nevermore.Mystic Falls High School: We again see Stefan's back as he makes his way through the throng of students who look way too happy to be there. From the side, we can see he's wearing sunglasses. Don't even tell me that's why he hasn't burnt to a crisp. Oh well, at least he doesn't sparkle. Inside, Bonnie and Elena walk the halls as Bonnie complains about the lack of "male real estate," and sneers about some poor girl who is wearing a most unfortunate top. "She looks a hot -- can you still say 'tranny mess'?" No, Bonnie, no you cannot. Oh for Cordelia's "Softer side of Sears." I'm sorry. I'll try not to go to the Buffy well too often, but I'm sentimental, soft and self-indulgent, so I cannot swear off completely. Elena waves to a slightly cooler Richie Cunningham-type, but he only glares (if you can be that mopey while glaring). When she complains to Bonnie that "he" hates her, Bonnie reminds Elena that she dumped him, and he's "too cool to show it, but secretly [he's] listening to Air Supply's greatest hits." Just then, Caroline (Candice Accola) scurries up and makes a big show out of greeting Elena and expressing her concern for her. Then she stops talking to Elena and talks about her -- to Bonnie. Elena's all like, "Standing right exactly here," (sorry) but Caroline's too wrapped up in...well...Caroline, to notice. She hugs Elena and calls her a "poor thing," before skipping off. Elena refrains from making a comment but not from noting to Bonnie that she's all but biting her tongue off while doing so, and we cut to the...
School yard: Jeremy's giving some pills and dosing instructions to Vicki Donovan, played by Kayla Ellwell, who may be tied with young Mr. McQueen and a player-yet-to-be-named as my favorite actor in this episode. Nobody's horrible, but much of the cast looks as comfortable in their roles as you feel in a new pair of dress shoes after a summer of bare-footing and flip-flopping. They're greeted by resident greaser-without-the-grease-and-leather, Tyler Stratton (Michael Trevino). He gloms onto Vicki in a way that screams, "I piss on this fire hydrant, because it is MY TERRITORY!" and she is...thrilled by this. Oh, Vicki! Jeremy, meanwhile, is smoking a cigarette or a joint. Right in the open. So, drugs are legal at this school? After Tyler woofs about finding Vicki among the crack-heads, he yips about Jeremy's black, Pete Wentz-ian nail polish. Jeremy smirks. "Pete Wentz, huh? How old-school, TRL of you. Carson Daly fan?" Nice. Tyler doesn't think so though, and makes various hold-me-back motions and grunts, so Vicki obliges and holds him back as she cautions him to be nice, pointing out, "That's Elena's little brother." Tyler knows who Jeremy is, but can "still kick his ass." Jeremy winces, not at the threat, but at the sight of Tyler and Vicki swapping spit.
Back inside school, Bonnie tells Elena to check out Stefan, who is in the school office, but Elena says, "All I see is back." I know, girl. I'm starting to think he doesn't have a face. I'm half pleased/half disappointed when Bonnie doesn't make the expected, "Baby's got back" quip. That song's before her time, but it's never really gone away, so you can see my conundrum, I'm sure. Wait. Is Stefan sporting Jordache jeans? It's been so long, I can't tell. I pause to get a better look...at the jeans, people. The jeans. Then Buffy whispers in my ear: "Live in the now, okay? He looks like DeBarge." Cough. Don't pay her any mind. He doesn't look like DeBarge, at all. He's wearing a leather jacket with a hoodie underneath. I'm just wondering about those jeans.
Inside the office, the secretary tells Stefan he is missing immunization records and some transcripts. The camera zooms in so we get a good shot of his profile and I can confirm he's got at least half a face. He's still wearing the shades, so I won't testify he has eyes, but I'm guessing he does, because of his crows' feet and forehead lines. There's been some squinting and furrowing so...wait a gosh darned second. Crows' feet? Isn't he supposed to pass for a high school student? Ooh, the shades are coming off. We have an eye! Stefan goes all these aren't the droids you're looking for as he advises the secretary to please look again. He nods at her. "I'm sure everything you need is there." Under his thrall, the secretary agrees, while out in the corridor, Bonnie's still going on about being psychic. Elena laughs at her, but her smile fades as she sees Jeremy head to the men's room. She takes off after him as Bonnie waits with us to see if Stefan has a whole face. Unaware she's in a CW drama and so any and all faces must be beautiful by law, Bonnie wastes her mojo willing Stefan to be hot.