Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: B+ | 4 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Dear Feelings Journal...
By Cindy McLennan | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.10.2009
In the men's room, Jeremy's putting Visine in his eyes, when Elena bursts in frightening a redhead who is just exiting a stall. "Pants down, chick." No they weren't, ginger boy, so I don't know what that means, but I do know that Mystic Falls High School is going to have to do a lot of Swine Flu prevention education with these students, because he doesn't even wash his hands. My kids do too wash their hands, even when I'm not around, so shut up. Elena ignores the dirty ginger boy and grabbing Jeremy's face, she inspects his eyes then reams him out for getting high on the first day of school. In one breath she says she's done watching him destroy himself and in the next, she tells him to keep it up all he wants, because she's going to be his buzzkill every time. Duuuuude. She then tries to counsel him to give up the ganja game and be himself, but who cares. This is all just a set-up for Jeremy to storm out a few seconds ahead of Elena, so that she can exit the men's room alone and run smack dab into Stefan, who is enthralling girls left and right (at least Bonnie and Caroline) as he heads towards his fate, i.e. Elena. They do the smack-dab thing and the isn't-that-the-men's-room thing, and the I-can't-get-out-of-my-own-way two-step, before Elena thanks Stefan and takes her leave. Their eyes are the last thing to part. Was that a Meet cute, clunky, or clichéd? You be the judge.
History class: The teacher lectures about Virginia's Civil War history while Stefan and Elena steal glances at, and exchange coy smiles with one another. The slightly cooler Richie Cunningham-type, who is still moping because he's been staring at Elena and Stefan staring at each other, cranes his neck to get a look at the text Bonnie is sending to Elena, which reads: "HAWT-E staring @ U." Okay, I hate text speak, but if you're trying to save keystrokes, wouldn't "HOT-E" be a better choice? No matter. Elena doesn't text back, but her face is all LOLZ.
Exterior -- the streets of Mystic Falls: Elena walks alone to the Mystic Falls Cemetery (established 1792). And it's time for her second DIARY-Ahhh of the episode. She made it through the day. No one noticed she was faking that she was fine. Blah blee bloo blum. The raven (crow, whatever -- Corvus) lands on the headstone in front of her -- the headstone of Grayson Gilbert and Miranda Sommers Gilbert, who passed on May 23, 2009. The carver helpfully included "Loving Parents" at the bottom, for the mouth breathers in the audience. Elena greets it with a, "Hi crow," but she's creeped out. As the crow caws, the fog rolls in (during the middle of a sunny day) and Elena takes off. She looks over her shoulder at the bird, and runs towards the woods (instead of that nice sunny, main-looking street she used to get to the graveyard). A male figure, shrouded in yet more fog, watches her from behind an angel statue. Whether she sees him, or just senses his presence I cannot tell, but it gives her pause. Finally, she moves on. When she breaks out in a run, I tell Scott, "If she doesn't fall, I'll give this episode an "A" and will sit up straight for the rest of the hour." BAM! A statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary statue turns her back to this pitiful scene. Guilt washes over me when I realize that in my fantasy, the BVM avoids taking her son's name in vain only by crying out, "Cheezum crow, she fell!" I whisper a hasty confession and snuggle down into the couch.
Once she's righted herself, Elena nearly falls again when Stefan appears out of thin air (thick fog?) and asks if she's okay. She asks if he was following her, but he says he just saw her fall. She has a hard time buying that he was just hanging out in the cemetery, because yeah, who does that...besides her? When he explains he was "visiting family" Elena relaxes and explains the bird and the fog (with a Hitchcock reference, no less). Realizing she's babbling, she introduces herself and Stefan returns the favor. Elena notes that they have history together, and she thinks she means the school subject, but we're meant to feel it goes so much deeper than that. Mmm I love cheese. Almost as an afterthought, Stefan adds "And English and French." He picks a leaf off her coat which gives Elena an opportunity to notice the unusual and unusually large ring he's wearing, which looks suspiciously like Road-Kill's. He explains it's an unusual and unusually large family ring and acknowledges that it's weird. Elena tries to pretend it's not and they fall silent. Then Stefan's bionic vamp sense of smell kicks in and he asks if she hurt herself in the fall. She pulls up a leg of her jeans to reveal a particularly bloody gash on her shin. When Stefan sees the blood, he turns from her and blanches. His face gets all vein-y (but in a subdued, artful way -- nothing protrudes) and his eyes grow bloodshot. He tells her she should go and take care of "that." After Elena rights her pant leg, she turns to tell him, "It's nothing," but Stefan is gone. COMMERCIAL!
Mossy Manse: Stefan's DIARY-Ahhh. He lost control, today. "Everything came rushing to the surface." Dirty! He can't resist her. Yadda yadda. The camera pans Stefan's desk until it lands on Elena's journal.
Local Hang-Out Which Will Be Known As Arnold's Until We Learn Its Name: Jeremy tries to flirt with Vicki, but she's working (as a waitress) and only has eyes for Tyler. Since he is sitting with that slightly cooler Richie Cunningham-type (whose name is Matt), I pretend Tyler is the Fonz. Aside from being Elena's ex, Matt is Vicki's brother. Once Vicki leaves their table, Matt twigs to the fact that Tyler is hooking up with his sister and calls him a dick. Meanwhile, Jeremy swings and misses again with Vicki, who is glad to get drugs from him, but doesn't want the world to know she "deflowered Elena's kid brother" over the summer. Jeremy makes it clear that it happened more than once, but Vicki chalks that up to the drugs and leaves him hanging. She tells him to back off so he doesn't ruin things with her and Tyler. Jeremy points out that Tyler's a douche who only wants her for her ass. Vicki says, "Oh yeah -- what do you want me for?" Jeremy looks hurt by this, but he doesn't have time to protest before she shoulder bumps her way past him. The camera pans to Caroline who serves as our exposition fairy -- filling Bonnie in on Stefan Salvatore's backstory er...cover story. "He lives with his uncle up at the old Salvatore boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid. Military family -- so they moved around a lot. He's a Gemini and his favorite color is blue." When Bonnie can't believe Caroline learned all that in one day, Caroline brags that she learned it all between classes. "We're planning a June wedding." Shudder.
Gilbert's: Jenna tries to remember she's the adult of the house and reminds Emma that it's a school night, as she sets out to meet Bonnie at Arnold's, which they sadly insist on calling The Grill instead of Arnold's. When Elena opens the door, Stefan is standing there, and claims he was just going to knock. He apologizes for disappearing on her earlier and doesn't argue when Elena figures the blood made him squeamish. He lies way through explaining how he knows where she lives and returns her journal, assuring her he didn't read it. She finds this surprising until Stefan confesses that he's a fellow diarist. Who knew there was a code? Elena indicates that Stefan can come in as she goes to put her journal away, but her words must not form a clear enough invitation, because he stays put on the stoop. When she returns, he wrangles an invitation to join her and we cut to...