|
17-19 2006.07.11 |
Mainly On The Plain The kids go to Spain. Svet whines a lot. |
| 6-21 Recap |
Summer Bummin'
Did Somebody Say "Gay Head"? - Had me no blast. Did not happen so fast. Jason met a girl, crazy for him. Nothing came of it. Snooze. But you knew that already, didn't you? |
1997.06.21 2001.05.01 |
C+ |
Djb |
| 6-20 Recap |
Payback's A Bitch, And So Is...Well, No One
On A Roll...A Log Roll - Dude. Even Syrus, Montana's formidable opponent, can't make good on some good ol' venom-spewing, as Montana's unemployment becomes the stuff of practical jokery and a resigned we're-almost-out-of-here shrug. People? I still have to recap this crap. |
1997.06.20 2001.01.16 |
C- |
Djb |
| 6-19 Recap |
Stop and Smell Deflower
Wining And Whining - While Sean and Syrus stray and Montana samples the sauvignon, Elka and Walter get ambiguously kinky with paraphernalia ranging from socks to pears to miles and miles of videotape. |
1997.06.19 2001.01.05 |
B |
Djb |
| 6-18 Recap |
Cheese Steak, Hold The Steak
Riding Virgin Air - It's all set-up and no punchline as a few of the members of the house take off for Philadelphia to attend a really important conference on really important things. Really. |
1997.06.18 2000.12.15 |
B- |
Djb |
| 6-17 Recap |
Bummer
Bummer - The Southern Fried Rock of We Get it You're in Texas rages on the soundtrack as The Bumpkins sing, "So when I'm lonely and feeling down/I run back like a child to my little town, now/You can take me out of Texas, baby/But you ain't gonna take the Texas out of me." Original. |
1997.06.17 2000.11.13 |
C |
Djb |
| 6-16 Recap |
Hey Look, More Snow
Hey Look, More Snow - This is boring for people who dig The Yule Log boring. This is boring for people who can't watch TV on a Saturday afternoon because the heart stopping spectacle of golf isn't good for their blood pressure boring. |
1997.06.16 1997.06.16 |
C- |
Djb |
| 6-15 Recap |
I Will Be Your Preacher, Teacher
I Will Be Your Preacher, Teacher - Elka continues from room to architecturally confusing room, cleaning like a madwoman and clearly bearing in mind that essential first commandment of Captain Catholicism's Holy House Visiting Dictum, "Thou Shalt Not Leave Dainty Pier One Throw Pillows on God's Holy Product-Placed Rugs." |
1997.06.15 1997.06.15 |
C+ |
Djb |
| 6-14 Recap |
The Frazzled State Of Montana
The Frazzled State Of Montana - Whore! |
1997.06.14 1997.06.14 |
B |
Djb |
| 6-13 Recap |
La Misma Mierda, Menos Nieve
La Misma Mierda, Menos Nieve - Elka admits as such to Montana: "I guess I just had my mind set on going overseas." Yeah, because it sure would be a shame to be trapped on that landlocked, continental mass called "a tiny island in the middle of a significantly larger ocean" on their one free weekend out of Tundra Central. |
1997.06.13 1997.06.13 |
B- |
Djb |
| 6-12 Recap |
The Obligatory Elka Plot Line
The Obligatory Elka Plot Line - Elka hopes that Walter will come visit her in America, but her sincere sentiment is drowned out by the deafening roar of this episode's viewing audience raising its one collective eyebrow and quietly muttering, "Yeah, that'll happen." |
1997.06.12 1997.06.12 |
C+ |
Djb |
| 6-11 Recap |
Beware: Lingering Shots Of Naked, Bumpy Sean
Beware: Lingering Shots Of Naked, Bumpy Sean - Gen, I can't believe you didn't go with the flow of your roommates' plans and stay home to rub aloe on Sean's oozing sores tonight. Three words describe your participation in that house: selfish, selfish, selfish. |
1997.06.11 1997.06.11 |
C- |
Djb |
| 6-10 Recap |
This Is So Gay
This Is So Gay - The Bible says that God hates gay people. Duh. Everyone knows that. Ask Elka. |
1997.06.10 1997.06.10 |
C |
Djb |
| 6-9 Recap |
The Mother Load
The Mother Load - A bevy of unsupervised schoolchildren detonate firecrackers and engage in rampant recreational drug use (why? Because no one is watching them, is why) while the five remaining members of the house run around and talk about themselves. |
1997.06.09 1997.06.09 |
C |
Djb |
| 6-8 Recap |
Montana Gets A New Mattitude
Montana Gets A New Mattitude - I'm sorry, was that just the sound of Montana commenting negatively on SOMEONE ELSE'S HAIR? Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, meet guy who's only at this party in the first place so he can be on television. |
1997.06.08 1997.06.08 |
C |
Djb |
| 6-7 Recap |
Jason's Relationship Goes Timber
Jason's Relationship Goes Timber - Jason takes this opportunity to rudely non-sequitur, "I can't believe you're a virgin." Shut up, Jason. I can't believe you're not. |
1997.06.07 1997.06.07 |
C- |
Djb |
| 6-6 Recap |
Montana Is Big Sly Country
Montana Is Big Sly Country - Montana tells Kameelah, Elka, and Sean that "a large part of relationships for me is the actual physicality of the person. Like how they smell." HOW THEY SMELL? Oops! Here comes my lunch! And there it goes. Vaj's smell. Romantic to Montana, Ipecac to the remainder of the planet. |
1997.06.06 1997.06.06 |
D- |
Djb |
| 6-5 Recap |
www.please-get-a-life.com
www.please-get-a-life.com - Oh, how I have tried not to hate them all. How resolutely I have failed. How my anger and resentment concerning all things in life has grown and grown as a result. Wow. Looks like Boston's not the only bitter thing around here after all. |
1997.06.05 1997.06.05 |
C- |
Djb |
| 6-4 Recap |
Lost In Boston
Lost In Boston - We learn from Sean's and Jason's confessionals that "the whole house is working together at an after-school program for kids," and that they will be doing so "Monday through Thursday, 1:30 to 6:00." Children? They're having them work with CHILDREN? |
1997.06.04 1997.06.04 |
C- |
Djb |
| 6-3 Recap |
Race Matters (and sexuality is good for a gag or two)
Race Matters (and sexuality is good for a gag or two) - Remind me again why The Real World chose never to chance a cold-weather climate ever, ever again after this season wrapped. It is, after all, so sexy and electrifying to watch seven twentysomethings in bulky college sweatshirts sitting around inside eating high-cholesterol comfort foods for five straight months. |
1997.06.03 1997.06.03 |
B- |
Djb |
| 6-2 Recap |
God Dammit!
God Dammit! - Multiple packs into what seems to be the waning hours of an all-night nicotine binge, the smoke from their cigarettes becomes so dense it actually begins to seep through my television's speakers and form a thick, choking cloud inside of my own room, obscuring my view of the screen and ironically causing me to miss the first four billion commercials for thetruth.com, which for some reason sees fit to advertise during this carcinogenic marathon. |
1997.06.02 1997.06.02 |
B- |
Djb |
| 6-1 Recap |
The Genesis Of Conflict
The Genesis Of Conflict - The "seven strangers" intro ends with the words The Real World shown floating in a bowl of clam chowder perched atop a regal statue of Paul Revere set against a backdrop of the snowy, snowy banks of the Charles River. The privilege of announcing that this is The Real World: Boston has been delegated to Syrus, due to his impassioned and ultimately convincing argument that "a woman's place is in the kitchen, not in the opening credits" he so doubtlessly broached during the arduous audition process. |
1997.06.01 1997.06.01 |
B |
Djb |
| 5-21 Recap |
We Get It. Now Go.
The Packing Episode - Is this the packing episode, you may wonder? Yes. Yes, it is. The Miami kids go home. But not without a lot of packing first! Plus, Leroy the dog gets a boner. |
1996.05.21 2001.08.07 |
B- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-20 Recap |
Flora Makes It Her Business
Flora Makes It Her Business - Who's the bossiest of all? Who thinks she can railroad everyone else into doing whatever she wants to do? Who is the biggest lame-o on The Real World Miami? Her name is Flora. Hate her all over again. |
1996.05.20 2001.07.28 |
B |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-19 Recap |
Poo Island
Poo Island - Quick, what's "hella nasty"? Is it Flora's syphilitic toe, Mike's threesome, or Joe pinching a loaf off a deserted Bahamian island? |
1996.05.19 2001.07.17 |
B- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-18 Recap |
Indecent-wecent Proposal-wosal
Indecent-wecent Proposal-wosal - Who takes carriage rides anymore? Monsters and their boyfriends, that's who. Who pops questions? Tiny lotharios. Who's gonna get it? Drama Queen Dan, and he'd better get ready to defend himself. And who's the biggest bitch in Real World history, giving Russians a bad name? Flora, thy name is Bitchovsky. |
1996.05.18 2001.06.27 |
C+ |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-17 Recap |
Home, It's Where I Want to Be
Home, It's Where I Want to Be - Both Cynthia and Dan are homeward bound in this week's episode. It's sweet. Not threesome sweet, but then, what is, besides threesomes? I know: Johnny, Dan's second on-camera boyfriend! Yay, Johnny! |
1996.05.17 1996.05.17 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-16 Recap |
Threesome!
Threesome! - Flora says she likes sex. Mike says he likes sex "all the way around." Hee. Joe says he likes sex, "openness," and "nakedness." Eww. |
1996.05.16 1996.05.16 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-15 Recap |
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass - Joe chomps on gum, slumps, and rolls his eyes during the harangue: "I need to be in a position to pass you in this class." Hee hee, "position." Maybe, bend over? Sorry. |
1996.05.15 1996.05.15 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-14 Recap |
Joe Quits the Business! Life Goes On As Usual.
Joe Quits the Business! Life Goes On As Usual. - Oh my sweet god, I can't believe this isn't the threesome episode. |
1996.05.14 1996.05.14 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-13 Recap |
Meet Old Heather
Meet Old Heather - Mike's on the phone with Old Heather. Even though we haven't seen her yet, we all know the woman is old. Not just older than Mike -- she's OLD. She's soccer-mom old. She's musty-old-book old. Dirt? The hills? Sliced bread? All not as old as Old Heather. |
1996.05.13 1996.05.13 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |