Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | 126 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Bavarian Creamed
By M. Giant | Season 20 | Episode 5 | Aired on 2012.03.18
There's some spectacular mountain scenery, and the last train carrying the five remaining teams arrives in Ehrwald in full daylight. After the mad scramble for the cars waiting outside, Bopper reminds Mark that they still have a Speed Bump ahead. Ralph marvels at the scenery to Vanessa. In the cousins' car, Stacy says their strategy today is to try to stay with the pack, because otherwise they tend to get lost. "I can just about navigate myself to the mall," Kerri says from the backseat. Yes, we get it, Kerri, you're the useless one.
Other Rachel and Dave are the first team to find the beard-styling venue, where the hirsute Teutonic dudes are all waiting in a line. The musical local color at this location is being supplied by a woman playing some kind of zither, which is an instrument one doesn't often see outside of A-to-Z books. Other Rachel and Dave introduce themselves to the beard champion, and then pick out a guy with a longer white beard to work on. Once their choice is made, they open the photo they're going to have to use as a guide, which shows the same guy sporting wide, horizontal moustaches like the whiskers of some exotic moron from another world. They guide him to a chair and Other Rachel gets to work. "You want a Mohawk as well?" Dave asks. They give him a gelled-up faux-hawk anyway without waiting for an answer. Fortunately he's got a jolly reputation to uphold, so he just sits there smiling happily through his beard. But I guess anyone who's allowed himself to be repeatedly photographed looking like the Lord Mayor of Emerald City can't be too particular.
Joey "Fitness" and Danny "Aaaay" themselves on into the beard-bar and pick the guy with the longest beard, thinking that'll be easiest to work with. But then they get a load of the photo they're supposed to make him look like, which shows the beard divided into fat curls in front, the mustache into wagon wheels flanking his cheeks with the tops almost level with his eyes, and the rest of the beard splayed out into two long, horizontal spikes that extend a good two feet out on either side. Good luck with that, guys. And good luck getting on an elevator looking like that, Hans. Danny says it feels a little weird to be messing with another man's beard, but it's for a million dollars. Joey "Fitness" says that with all the hair gel they use on a regular basis, they should do just fine at this task. "Kind of like what I do at home," Danny agrees. Meanwhile, the other beardies waiting patiently for racers to do them up are already downing beers. Can it even be nine-thirty in the morning at this point? Dude, Bavaria rules!