Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Triumph of the Bill
By Miss Alli | Season 1 | Episode 11 | Aired on 11.27.2001
And then, just like that, the Guidos are on the mat. Boom. Welcome, Team Guido, you are team number three. They hug and jump up and down. Right now, I hate them. I don't really hate them, of course, but right now? I hate them. "We have been telling each other, remember what Winston Churchill said during the darkest days of World War Two," Joe says, preparing to misquote Winston Churchill while appropriating unto himself the suffering of millions. "'Never give up. Fight to the end. Fight till you die. Just go on, we'll die trying.'" He also cries. Uh, Joe? Winston Churchill never said anything particularly like that, according to anything I've been able to find. He has a very famous "never give in" speech, but not a shred of the rest of what Joe said is in it. And does "fight till you die" really sound like Winston Churchill? ["It sounds like Jerry Bruckheimer, is what it sounds like. Heh." -- Sars] It appears (and I'll certainly correct myself next week if I'm wrong) that what Joe meant to say was, "We have been telling each other, remember that Winston Churchill once said something about perseverance."
Frats run up to the mat. "Break us the bad news, Phil," Kevin says. "I'm sorry to tell you, you guys are the last team to arrive," Phil says, and he's unmistakably sad. "That means you guys have been eliminated." I'm not saying Phil doesn't like the Guidos, but who wouldn't be sad breaking this news to Drew and Kevin, for crying out loud? "It was all coming together…and then it's over," Kevin says in frustration. "What're you gonna do? It was a lot of fun." Drew, crouched near the ground, is clearly crying, and would rather not do it for the camera. He wipes his eye. "This has been grueling," Drew voices over. "Physically, mentally, emotionally…we have nothing to feel sorry or ashamed of or nothing to regret. We gave it our all." I'll say. Topping Joe's non-quote, Kevin voices over that he was recently reading about the teachings of Buddha. "'When you speak, just speak, when you feel, just feel, when you see, just see, when you hear just hear,' and then the last one is, 'When you know, just know.' And we can walk away from here knowing that, you know, we did our best and it just didn't work out." These two terrific guys walk away from the camera slowly. "We gotta go get our stuff out of the cab," Drew says sadly. "He's all the way on the other side of China," Kevin offers, in a perfect Frat moment, as he throws an arm around Drew's much higher shoulders. He takes a last swat at Drew's butt, and they're gone.
You know, the teams we're taking into the final three are probably, in one sense, exactly the "right" teams. They've played the most consistently and made the fewest mistakes, and they're even the three teams that picked themselves out all the way back in Songwe Village as the three strongest teams. Indeed, these are probably the teams with the best overall package of skills -- the functioning of the personal relationship, the mental stuff, and the physical power. BUT. I still wanted the Guidos to lose. Because there's no denying that Kevin and Drew have made this show infinitely more pleasant, more palatable, and more human. What could have been another Survivor became, among other things, a pretty reliable comedy, largely because these guys are so damn funny. They've been great to spend time with from New York to Beijing, and even though they're not crossing the finish line, this show could have turned out very differently without them. "Swing, you fat bastard, swing!" "It's…a little tchotchke!" "These are the zebras, chief." "Why did I think it would be an old guy who looked like Ben Franklin?" "Take the elevator to the Coliseum floor!" "I don't see anything but huge, huge, huge spiders!" "He's not happy. Not a happy camel." "Okay, Uncle Junior, I'm ready when you are." "Thank you, wise man." "I feel like Siegfried and Roy." "You're a Big Mac under 260." "Just like Pinky Tuscadero!" What's more, they were excellent players, very capable of pulling something marvelous out of thin air, particularly when it came to befriending the locals and working the airport. They've been great company, and I'm certainly grateful for the nice long run they had.