Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | 530 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Triumph of the Bill
By Miss Alli | Season 1 | Episode 11 | Aired on 2001.11.28
Previously on Thrilla With-a Phil-a: The sun came up. From Krabi, Thailand, the teams went to Pai Plong Beach, via mountains, water, and a big chicken. Anti-bunching gave us two lead teams -- Danza and Esquire -- and two trailing teams -- Guidos and Frats -- separated by what was eventually a time difference of about eighteen hours. Rob grunted, "Huuh!" but then he hurt his finger. Margarita despaired, "My legs are shaking!" but then she climbed the mountain. The Esquire transportation curse continued, and spread from land to sea. Bill and Joe pondered whether the world has ever known anything as wonderful as they are, Frank and Margarita frolicked in flowered fields while the strains of Some Enchanted Evening swelled in the background, and Drew and Kevin debated who had the more burdensome ass. Tonight? The brawl for it all (tm Kevin).
Credits. Music from the upcoming boxing/needlepoint film, Now THAT'S What I Call Hitting The Canvas!.
Commercials. Go to JC Penney, eat chocolate, and shop. You're too rich and too thin.
This week, the cameramen have mixed their usual vodka tonics with entire boxes of Dexatrim, and they are therefore motivated to jerk even more violently than usual from one scene to another. I had trouble seeing this sequence through the violent seizure it induced, but it goes something like this: beach, sun, boats, sun, trees, truck, trees, sun, statue, water, sun disappearing and reappearing, guy bowing and praying, beach, statue, sun, statue, sun, statue, sun, sun, sun, mountains and beach, beach, boats. I'm not kidding. I'm concerned that the cameramen are high, and if they are, that the editors are their dealers.
Phil tells us that we are at Pai Plong Beach. Damn, that's a fine-looking beach, certainly one of the better pit stop locations. (Between this and The Tiger Cave Temple Of Plush Pillows, we're getting some very nice scenery lately.) Shots of the teams arriving. And now, ladies and gentlemen, settle back with your popcorn and enjoy Phil's famous yellow-and-white-route-markers, clues-in-sealed-envelopes speech, accompanied by the mesmerizing sight of The Soft And Sweetly Loving Hands Of Rule-Related Exposition. I guess last week's failure to provide this crucial information was just a fluke. Van Munster is worried about the latecomers, and the possibility that they're confused. Someone, incidentally, has got to tell me who the Exposition Hands are. Please. It's killing me. Are you the Exposition Hands? Call me. We'll have lunch. I'll just watch adoringly while you salt my food.