Enterprise

4-21 2005.05.13

Bye, Bye, Trekkie Baby Tri'Pol dies; Quantum makes another self-indulgent speech.

2-1 Recap	Search For Yesterday Shockwave, Part II - Quantum and Daniels plagiarize Spock and Data's books in "City on the Edge of Forever" and "Time's Arrow" as they make use of local resources, plus a few gadgets conveniently brought from Enterprise, to press The Big Temporal Reset Button In The Sky.	2002.09.18 2002.09.21	B	Keckler
Extra	Where Nomad has gone before Star Trek: The Motion Picture - Appearing now at a TWoP site near your computer: Star Trek: The Missing Plot, fully recycled, re-re-re-rewound, and regurgitated for your reading pleasure! Also: Brand new DVD commentary from Mathra!	2002.08.11 2002.08.11	D-	Keckler
Extra	Subvulcanean Homesick Blues Star Trek: The Original Series: "Amok Time" - Spock gets the urge to herbal.	1967.09.15 2002.08.07	A	Keckler
Extra	Who's the vainest of them all? Star Trek: The Original Series: "Mirror, Mirror" - Kirk and Co. are beamed to another world where Spock doesn't own a Mach 3. Wacky hijinks, mistaken identities, soliloquies, and other Shakespearean space oddities, enter stage left.	1967.10.06 2002.08.01	B-	Keckler
Extra	Keckler's Apologia Star Trek: The Original Series: "Plato's Stepchildren" - Know then thy recapper, presume not Sars to scan. The proper study of Star Trek is Kirk. Kirk is a monster of so frightful mien, / As to be hated needs but to be seen; / Yet seen too oft, familiar with his gut, / We first endure, then hyperventilate, then throw up.	1968.11.22 2002.07.23	B+	Keckler
Extra	Paradise Re-Maimed Star Trek: The Original Series: "The Way to Eden" - And the Sars said, "Ye shall recap that of the original series and ye shall be as a god." And it was good.	1969.02.21 2002.07.10	B+	Keckler
1-26 Recap	Quantum Leap of Faith of the Heart Shockwave, Part I - Another show, another cliffhanger. Quantum has to play Time Bandits with Dead Man Walking Daniels in order to understand some level of engineering and get out of a sticky situation with the mass destruction of a colony. And to keep myself entertained, I pull more Withnail and I references out of my butt that are largely going to go over the heads of my readership.	2002.05.22 2002.05.28	A	Keckler
1-25 Recap	Bad Moon Risan Two Days and Two Nights - When they all downloaded their individual travel guides for shore leave, Mayweather chose The Idiot's Guide to Risa, Quantum got Lonely Planet, Trip and Reed shared Cheap Eats and Sleeps, and Hoshi got off without one. Back on the ship, Phlox got under the covers and made T'Pol read Goodnight, Moon.	2002.05.15 2002.05.19	B+	Keckler
1-24 Recap	Like Sands Through My Beer Glass Desert Crossing - After an offal bad experience with Rocky Mountain oysters, Trip and Quantum decide not to get involved in a land war over a few drip castles, instead going out to work on their tans. But wouldn't you know it, Trip starts trippin', and Quantum has to force-feed him radon-tainted water while ordering him around a lot. T'Pol launches a search party and explains the finer points of the Montana outback to Hoshi.	2002.05.08 2002.05.13	A-	Keckler
1-23 Recap	A Hero Ain't Nothing But A Sandwich Fallen Hero - While providing amnesty for a disgraced Vulcan ambassador, we discover that Quantum's got a whole closetful of Furrowed Brows we haven't seen yet. Linwood from Angel warps in, just as slimy as ever, to show us his new hairdo. Trip frantically slaps band-aids on the engine as they push warp five, and Reed casually mentions that he likes shooting other people. On Brown-Noser Deck, T'Pol spends a lot of the episode apologizing to the Ambassador for the way Hoshi's quarters smell, and Phlox cries.	2002.05.08 2002.05.11	B-	Keckler
1-22 Recap	Mucus of Borg Vox Sola - After offending ANOTHER alien race -- how many does that make? I can't count that high -- Enterprise is infiltrated by a mucus plug that squats in a cargo bay, ensnaring random crewmen in its glutinous strands. Luckily, one of the ensnared is Quantum, who embarks on a diluted water polo allegory, forcing the still-conscious crewmembers into comas, until he manages to bore himself catatonic. In other news, Reed applies for a patent, Phlox gives a dissection lesson, Hoshi and T'Pol make sweet algorithms, and May-Witness-To-The-Execution shows us why he's better off phoning in his lines.	2002.05.01 2002.05.05	B+	Keckler
1-21 Recap	You Can Call Me Al Detained - In a rather predictable and forced storyline, Mayweather and Quantum must confront and overcome their aversion to the Suliban complexion as they find themselves birds of a feather, flocking together a bit. Shadows of "Shadows of P'Jem," anyone? The Dean of Quantum's previous life Leaps in for a guest spot and some latex treatment on his nose.	2002.04.30 2002.05.01	B	Keckler
1-20 Recap	Night of the Living Dread Oasis - To-day is gonna be the day that they're gonna find out what's true / By now Odo should've somehow realized what he's gotta do / Trip doesn't believe that anybody feels the way he does about her now / Backbeat the word was on the street that the blood in their body's out / Quantum's sure he's heard it all before but he still had to use the pout / And all the skies they warp along are winding / And all the stars that lead them there are blinding / There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how / Because maybe, this will be the one that brains me / And after all / Trek's my wonderbawl.	2002.04.03 2002.04.08	C+	Keckler
1-19 Recap	Raiders of the Lost Vault Acquisition - The crew gets knocked out by mysterious aliens with butt-shaped heads, who turn Quantum into their beast of burden and long to make T'Pol their sex slave, while Trip displays the latest line of panties from Victoria's Secret's Men in Space line.	2002.03.27 2002.04.01	B+	Keckler
1-18 Recap	A Private Little Hunt Rogue Planet - Without any real understanding of the situation or players involved, Quantum helps an indigenous alien species he knows bubkes about -- except that it can show up as a pretty lady in a negligee -- to combat another species he knows even less about. What that man doesn't know could fill a black hole. The rest of the cast stands around being conscientious objectors to the Plot Movement, but we do find out that Mathra and Reed both have twenty-eight merit badges and the captain only twenty-six. Nyah!	2002.03.20 2002.03.26	C-	Keckler
1-17 Recap	The Inner Fright Fusion - On their way to yet another astrological wonder of Quantum's childhood, the crew runs across some sitar-playing, caftan-wearing, acid-dropping Vulcans. When Quantum's not preoccupied with sticking his big gin blossom into everyone else's business, he's making Trip do it for him, while T'Pol holes up in her room to perform a mind-altering experiment with Ben Stiller's Vulcan twin.	2002.02.27 2002.03.05	B-	Keckler
1-16 Recap	Strifeboat Shuttlepod One - Trip and Reed perform a field experiment to test the hypothesis that, under the right circumstances, they would use their last breath to bicker.	2002.02.13 2002.02.19	D	Strega
1-15 Recap	Stuck Inside Of Coridan With The P'Jem Blues Again Shadows Of P'Jem - Trip grates. Reed infiltrates. T'Pol rotates. Quantum gyrates. Hoshi prevaricates. Phlox medicates. Mayflower vacates, and Keckler continues to stagnate.	2002.02.06 2002.02.10	C+	Keckler
1-14 Recap	Holier ThanThou Sleeping Dogs - Reed, T'Pol, and Hoshi are stranded on a Klingon ship where Reed plays with a new kind of torpedo, and T'Pol shows Hoshi the Vulcan Way. Back on Enteprise, Quantum studies the Klingon culture and Trip stands around making dumb comments, while Phlox ties a female alien to a bed. Kinky stuff. It gets even kinkier when you bring all the random plot holes into it. Okay, it really doesn't, but I made you look.	2002.01.30 2002.02.05	D	Keckler
1-13 Recap	Doctor's Day Dear Doctor - Pssst! Hey! Yeah, you! C'mere, I gotta tell you something. Okay, you ready? Enterprise didn't suck this week. Shhh! I know, I know! The story line has been done before, and Reed was virtually nonexistent, but still, Quantum's God complex is showing signs of going into remission, and Hoshi trickled a bit more out of minor-character-hood. So anyway, pass it on!	2002.01.23 2002.01.28	B-	Keckler
1-12 Recap	Cannon in D-fense Silent Enemy - What can you get the man in your life who has all the phase pistols, torpedoes, and minor explosions his little heart desires? Resequenced protein, obviously. El Capitan Quantanamo orders Hoshi on a top-secret mission to discover Reed's favorite foodstuffs, while the rest of the crew wastes time fighting Praying Mantis aliens who manage to use the humans' mother tongue against them.	2002.01.16 2002.01.23	B	Keckler
1-11 Recap	Tempus fudges-it Cold Front - In a story arc that rivals the convolutions of my small intestine, the Enterprise crew receives a visitor from the future. Hint: It's not Michael J. Fox. In other news, Porthos proves his worth above diamonds, Reed marries me, and Trip can't stop showing people his warp core. Meanwhile, Phlox finds a bit of religion, and Quantum entertains Heaven's Gate. Turning to the police blotter, the crew is hauled in and charged with breaking several laws of physics. Again.	2001.11.28 2001.12.03	D	Keckler
1-10 Recap	Play Dom Jot, Hu-mon! Fortunate Son - Trailing extensive morals, Enterprise rushes to the rescue of a barge vessel after a Nausicaan attack. Mayflower gets back in touch with his "boomer" roots, while T'Pol plays nice with children. Trip's face-time was fairly short and his lines were blessedly shorter, but it does look like Reed made friends with the bronzing cream this time week. Special cuteness appearance by Porthos the Dog.	2001.11.21 2001.11.26	C	Keckler
1-9 Recap	Nobs And Nonsense Civilization - Dude. T'Power Ranger is just rising in Keckler's estimation after this episode, and that can only be a sign of the Apocalypse. But we'll go with it because it's making Keckler happy. Let's see -- not enough Reed, so that means double Keckler's Earl Grey quotient this week; Hoshi had good hair, but we didn't see it nearly enough even when there was crucial a point when Quantum started hearing Pig Latin; Trip stayed out from underfoot for the most part; and Quantum got a little hot alien love. Well, it wasn't that hot. Like, Keckler still has her stomach contents.	2001.11.14 2001.11.20	C	Keckler
1-8 Recap	Here Comes The Bride, Siliconed, Green, And Snide Breaking The Ice - T'Pol's nuptial hour draws on apace but o! methinks how fast this new show wanes. But soft! What wind through yonder ass breaks? It is the Captain, and Quantum is that name which by any other would still stink at his job. Mayweather and Reed are as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, but shalt not escape calamity. Get thee to a poddery, go! Was there ever a recapper that hath drunk so much Post Road as I today?	2001.11.07 2001.11.13	C	Keckler
1-7 Recap	Scent of a Vulcan The Andorian Incident - I'm attempting to pick up the shattered pieces of my expectations and paste my faith back together, but since I only have this episode to use as a fixative, I don't think I'm getting anywhere fast. It sucked. It was stupid, boring, contrived, trite, and predictable beyond all possibly lousy belief. The Blue Man Group arrives at some Vulcan monk-hole and delivers bruises all around. There's some finagling and a "surprise" ending. Oh, and this episode was brought to you by Degree. I mean really, what was with all the comments about B.O.? I loathed this last hour of television so much, it made me miss Voyager.	2001.10.31 2001.11.07	D	Keckler
1-6 Recap	Friendship 2 1/2 Terra Nova - Once upon a time, there was this colony and it got lost. And there was some radiation. It was bad. Then it got found. And it was good.	2001.10.24 2001.10.30	C	Keckler
1-5 Recap	Cap'n Don't Preach Unexpected - 'Cuz he's not keepin' the alien. Trip's called upon in the line of booty to repair some warp coils on an alien ship where the crew eats the walls, grows grass on the floor, and utilizes other mind-altering devices. Trip returns with a bun in the oven and no clue how it happened. I'd mention the rest of the crew, but TPTB seem to have forgotten their existence. It all just teaches you to keep your fingers in your own pebbles.	2001.10.17 2001.10.23	B+	Keckler
1-4 Recap	Requiem For A Transporter Beam Strange New World - An away team is sent to an uninhabited world, but things get trippy with some psychotropic pollen.	2001.10.10 2001.10.12	B-	Omar G
1-3 Recap	The Worm Turns Fight Or Flight - In space, life can get kinda dull. Especially when there's no need for quality DeCon time. But be careful what you wish for. Our stir-crazy crew stumbles upon an abandoned ship and finds some pretty sketchy experiments going on. Naturally, they must do some meddling and some butting in until they get caught with their hand in the cookie jar by a big, scary looking spaceship that decides Enterprise should be its next science fair project. I don't remember what else happened, because I fell asleep. Read the recap; it should bring you up to warp speed.	2001.10.03 2001.10.09	B-	Keckler

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