Episode Report Card Jessica: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT High Anxiety
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.13.2001
Nora and Jen walk away from the dorm together, chortling. Nora is so glad Jen "talked [her] into that." They chuckle over Charlie and his awkward attempt to wrangle them into a threesome. Jen muses that he's going to be very upset when he discovers that his "autographed copy of Pinkerton" is missing. She holds up said CD, and tosses it into a nearby trashcan! Um, hello? Sell that on eBay! Or send it to me. Christ. Nora chuckles, and reveals that she pocketed his art history notes. "His midterm is Wednesday," she says, tearing them up and throwing them after the Weezer CD. When did they have time to steal all this stuff? It's not like they were doing it while Charlie had his eyes closed; that was all door opening and shoving. Jen pulls Charlie's favorite shirt out of her coat and waves it in Nora's face. "He loves that shirt," Nora says. "And when I get home, I'm going to clean my toilet with it," Jen grins. Blah blah men are pigs blah blah too good to be true blah blah come to the party with me blah blah I'm too depressed blah blah blah blah unrealistic hug. Cheating bastards: bringing women together everywhere. Sigh. I'm glad Jen is getting a plot and all, but does it have to be so predictable? Come on: naked humiliation of cheating man? Been there, done that. Not personally. Well, not on a regular basis.
Ain't no party like a Pacey Witter Dock Party. Everyone mills around the True Love II, wrapped in coats and trying not to lose any of their extremities to hypothermia. Pacey hands Audrey a bottled water, and she grins and tells him that his boat "kicks serious ass." Pacey thanks her and comments that he hopes to own one just like it one day. "In the meantime, it must be quite the chick magnet," Audrey tells him. "You know, I resent that," Pacey says. "Can't a man just love all things nautical?" Audrey cracks up, and wonders if "this latter-day Hemingway thing" is really working for him. Here's hoping it isn't, as Hemingway ended up shooting himself in the head. ["And could they please stop with the Hemingway references on this show? Feh." -- Sars]
Joey strolls over to her roommate and former red-hot lover, wondering idly, "What's up?" Pacey grins and tells her that Audrey is hitting on him. Audrey squeals that she is not! Pacey squeals that she is! "I just call 'em like I see 'em, lady," he tells her. Audrey makes a mock-angry face and tells Pacey he better watch it. "I might have to put a hole in your boat later or something," she says, walking off. Pacey chuckles as she goes. "I have no words," he says. Joey grins. She has no words, either. I wish that was really true. It would make my life so much easier. Pacey wonders if Joey's spoken to Dawson. She says she hasn't, and that he was supposed to call her when he got to town. Pacey frowns and tells her that he called Dawson about the party and never heard back from him. Joey makes her worried face, but Pacey looks up just in time to see Dawson make his entrance, flanked by the Frat Rats. "Hey, speak of the devil," Pacey drawls as Dawson scampers over to him and hugs him. "Hey, guess what? I'm in Boston," he slurs. Pacey grins indulgently as Dawson introduces him to the Frat Rats as "[his] oldest friend." Hey, that got a teeny little "aw" out of me and my heart of stone. Audrey skips up to Dawson, and they embrace. Pacey grabs Jack's arm, and hugs him. It's a real hug-athon. But, see, Pacey isn't just spreading the love; he wants to talk to Jack. "You got him drunk?" he asks. Jack's all, he had a few drinks. "I thought the object was to make him feel better sober," Pacey tells him. "I thought the object was to make him feel better, period," Jack sasses. They turn and watch Dawson yukking it up with Audrey. "I'd say he's feeling better," Jack points out. "I'd say he's hardly feeling anything," Pacey muses. "Hey, whatever works," Jack says. Pacey shrugs.
Across the dock, Dawson is telling Audrey how he misses her and he never gets to see her, and did he mention that he misses her, when Joey ambles up to him. Dawson grins sheepishly at her. "I was supposed to call!" he cries. She smiles, and agrees that he was. Audrey slips off, leaving them to chat, as Dawson takes out his cell phone. "I'm going to rectify this. Have no fear, Dawson is here," Dawson says, dialing her number. "Calling you right now. Come on Joey, pick up. Joey, hey, it's Dawson! I'm at a party on Pacey's boat! I wish you were here! You're not here! It sucks that you're not here! I was supposed to call you! And I'm so sorry I didn't call you. I meant to and I was really going to, but you know what? I couldn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't call you. Does that make any sense? Am I making any sense, or am just rambling on like a drunken idiot on your machine? That's what I'm doing. But that's okay. Because you left me a drunken message. And if you hadn't, I probably would have gone back to LA. Actually, I bet, I would probably still be there now, and maybe my dad would still be alive, so thank you Joey, I appreciate it. Okay! Call me! Goodbye." He hangs up and grins. Joey looks stunned and hurt and shocked and, you know, horrified. A frat rat grabs Dawson's arm and pulls him away. Hang on a second: Did Dawson just accuse Joey of KILLING HIS DAD? Because that is awesome. It also makes no sense, because she was calling to tell him that she didn't want to have anything to do -- oh, I get it. If Joey hadn't decided she didn't want him, Dawson wouldn't have decided that he was all in love with her again, and he wouldn't have quit school and therefore he wouldn't have gone home to tell his parents that he was dropping out of USC because Joey might not be pining for him anymore and that just won't do, and then the Flash wouldn't have had a powerful craving for vanilla, and he'd still be alive today, rubbing Fast-Tan on his pecs and main-lining Jolt.