Episode Report Card Jessica: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT High Anxiety
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.13.2001
La Maison de Leery. Dawson spends another good fifteen minutes staring at his furniture before he picks up the phone and calls Joey. After exchanging basic pleasantries, he explains that he's really "had [his] hands full," which is why he hasn't called her lately. Joey, of course, tells him that she understands, and asks him how he's been. Dawson says nothing for a moment. "Fine. I guess. You know," he says. Joey starts making some "I'm here for you" noises, but Dawson interrupts to inform her that he might, in fact, be in Boston that weekend. Joey forces a smile and asks if he needs a place to stay. Dawson brushes her off, telling her that he thinks he's just going to crash with Jen and Jack. Joey looks hurt, but then comments that it's "probably just as well," what with Audrey's mother coming into town and all. The Awkward Guitar Of How Do I Deal With My Fatherless Friend twangs in the background as both Dawson and Joey stare silently at their phones. Dawson clears his throat and tells her that he'll call when he gets into town. Joey plasters a fake smile on her face and chirps her assent. They sign off and stare off into the air.
The Boston Skyline. I wish I was keeping a Skyline Count. We've got to be at, like, thirty. Dawson enters the empty waiting room of his therapist and takes a seat. Then he stares. At the furniture. Some more. And then he gets up and leaves. ["Gee, how Sopranos. Not." -- Sars]
Worthington. "Fine!" Audrey says, stepping on a scale, as Joey enters the room. "Look! Are you happy now? Is it any wonder that I hate myself?" she asks, as her mother shakes her head ruefully. Her mother is wearing leather pants, which is The International Television Signal For Mothers Who Are Trying Too Hard To Hang Onto Their Youth. Mrs. Audrey is played by Brenda Strong, who is best known (to me, anyway) as Sue-Ellen Mishkie, the Bra-Less Wonder/O'Henry Bar Heiress from Seinfeld. Sue-Ellen calls Audrey a "drama queen," and Audrey spits back that she's "Stella Adler herself." The two of them notice Joey watching their little psychodrama, and introductions are made. Sue-Ellen embraces Joey enthusiastically and squeals over her "cute little figure" and asks if she's "ever done any modeling." Behind her mother, Audrey looks around for a weapon of mass destruction. Joey smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear and tells Sue-Ellen that she's no model. Audrey explains the scale, telling Joey that her mother's convinced that she, Audrey, has gained ten pounds. Sue-Ellen waves her hands in the air and smiles. "Five, maybe," she says. Audrey wonders aloud if her mother has any idea how long it's taken Audrey to feel good about her body. Sue-Ellen bats her lashes at Joey and explains that "it's a known fact that college freshmen tend to pack on the 'ell bees.'" Joey stands by her bed, awkwardly. Sue-Ellen turns to her, and asks if, in Joey's opinion, she looks more like Audrey's mother or Audrey's sister. "Be honest," she chirps. Joey hems and haws and finally smiles widely and lies. Audrey flings herself on her bed and wraps herself in the comforter as her mother explains to Joey that she's so young and fabulous-looking because she believes that "your body is your friend, and should be treated as such." Audrey groans. "Shoot me. Shoot me now," she wails. Sue-Ellen ignores her daughter, and asks Joey to join them for dinner. Joey tries to give her regrets, but Audrey leaps off the bed and drags her into the bathroom, allegedly to inspect "a leak," which is, of course, fictional. She turns on the faucet to drown out their conversation and spits that she can't believe Joey said her mother looked like her sister! "What was I supposed to say? Besides, she does look young," Joey offers. "Yeah, thanks to her two best friends: collagen and Botox," Audrey snarks. My two best friends are Nutra-Sweet and caffeine. I wonder what that'll do to my looks over the years, actually. At least I'll be awake. Anyway. Audrey begs Joey to come to dinner with them and save her from her mother's clutches. Joey says she can't; she's waiting for a call from Dunston. "You have a cell phone," Audrey points out. Joey insists that she and Dawson are supposed to go out later. "That's later. I need you now," Audrey pleads. Joey opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. "Joey. Thank you. You're a lifesaver," Audrey tells her.
Elsewhere in Boston, Dawson lets himself into Grams's house, calling out a decidedly non-cheerful "Hello?" Jen comes scampering out of the kitchen, asking what he's doing there. Jen looks awesome, by the way. She's doing sort of a retro forties look, with a flower tucked behind her ear and very red lipstick and a really cute beige and red print skirt and a scooped-neck black top. Michelle Williams must have slipped the wardrobe and makeup people some extra coin this week. She hugs Dawson and tells him that if she knew he was coming, she would have had Grams bake him a cake. Dawson shrugs and smiles wanly and wonders if he can crash there for the weekend. Jen agrees as Jack comes bounding down the stairs. He greets Dawson gleefully, but he and Jen by and large give one another the cold shoulder. While Jack and Dawson clap each other on the back, Jen puts on a darling camel hair coat. I officially covet that entire outfit. Dawson turns and takes her in and wonders where she's off to. "Nowhere," Jen says evasively. "You look pretty smoking for nowhere," Dawson tells her. Jen smiles at him. "I'll take the compliment and subtly defer the question to a later date," she tells him, and heads out into the night. "Yeah, you 'subtly defer the question,' Jen," Jack says sarcastically, as he descends the rest of the stairs and puts on his own coat. He's going to the frat house, he says, and asks if Dawson would like to tag along. Dawson thinks that "sounds great." They head off for a night of beer and back-slapping.