Episode Report Card Jessica: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT High Anxiety
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.13.2001
Pacey's Seaworthy Vessel. Hmmm -- that sounded dirty and I really don't know why. Anyway, Jen's perched in a corner, moaning about Charlie and His Lying, Cheating Ways. "She's his sister? How could I be so stupid?" she wails. Pacey offers that he thought the First Hussy actually was Charlie's sister. Jen makes a face and agrees that she probably was. But the other Hussy? Not unless she and Charlie "have some Flowers in the Attic thing going on." Hey! I made that joke! Last week! In the recaplet! "Which, at this point, I wouldn't put past him," Jen continues. "Men are such dogs." Generally, though, they aren't dogs to the point where they think it's okay to screw their sisters. Just a news brief from the real world. Pacey good-naturedly concurs that men are, in fact, pigs. "I mean it," Jen says. "Why don't they just come up to you, sniff your butt and pee on you, because they're going to do it anyway, metaphorically speaking?" That actually happened to me once. Just kidding. Mid-rant, Jen finds a necklace with a long silver chain and a charm hidden between the sofa cushions, and hands it to Pacey, who takes one look at it and pockets it, dismissing it as "a long story." Jen sighs deeply, and complains that she's "become a cliché," because there's nothing "more trite" than blaming a failed relationship on "the wayward nature of men." You said it, Jen, not me. Pacey makes more sympathetic faces, but wonders aloud if this isn't Jack's area of expertise. I guess Pacey's areas of expertise are, like, potato peeling, and charming bon mots and all things nautical. Jen dismisses Jack; she hasn't seen him for weeks, she says. He's too "busy guzzling beer with his Neander-creep frat brothers." Pacey shrugs this off, and tells Jen that she has two choices. She can get angry -- which, he points out, she's already done -- or -- and let's say it all together, kids -- she can get even. Jen looks thoughtful. I bet a million dollars that this is going to involve forced nudity in a public place.
Casa Leery. Dawson walks around the empty house and looks at the furniture. Seriously, that's all that happens here. He looks at a chair. He looks at the wall. He looks at a table. If I wanted to watch people stare at the furniture, I'd set up a closed-circuit television and watch myself.
The soundtrack cheerfully twangs us over to Liberty Hell/Civilization/Chef Danny's House Of Hussies. The staff is getting ready to open for dinner -- filling the salt cellars, folding the napkins, yada. Pacey strolls up to the soup station and helps himself to a big bowl. Then he goes over to a table and sits down and waits for Chef Danny to bring him his paycheck. Oh yeah, in between the ladling and the sitting, he does have a conversation with K-Lo (tm the forums), who -- oh, who cares? I simply can't bring myself to give a damn about anything this character says or does. Suffice it to say, she complains, he flirts, I read a magazine. Post-flirting, Pacey ambles over to a table and sits down with his bisque. Chef Danny slides into the seat next to him and hands him his paycheck. In return, Pacey hands Chef Danny the necklace that Jen found on the boat. Danny slides the bauble into his pocket, saying that his wife must have left it behind the other night. And speaking of the other night, could he possibly persuade Pacey to loan him the boat again? That very evening? Pacey smiles, but turns him down; he's having a party, he says. K-Lo overhears this, and shouts to the rest of the staff that there's a massive kegger at the Witter Boat that evening. Everyone cheers. Pacey slurps his soup.