Episode Report Card Jessica: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT High Anxiety
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.13.2001
Vaguely retro, vaguely pornographic music wocka-wockas on the soundtrack as Jen tips-taps down the hallway to Charlie's room in a darling pair of black backless shoes that I'd want if I didn't already own a pair. She presses her ear to the door for a moment, then knocks. Charlie wonders who it is: she tells him that it's "Jen, [his] most willing girl servant." Momentarily, Charlie opens the door an inch and wonders what she's doing there. Jen drapes herself over the doorjamb and purrs that they "had plans to rock [his] world." Charlie stutters that they were planning on rocking his world tomorrow. Jen looks confused for a brief moment. "That's right," she says finally, pushing past him and into his room. She looks around suspiciously, then twitters that she needs a Palm Pilot to "keep track of all of [her] liaisons." Charlie nervously shifts his weight from one foot to another. "Oh well," she sighs and sinks onto the bed. She's here now, she says. "What are your thoughts on getting naked?" Charlie sputters that "now is not the best time." Jen makes an overly dramatic hurt face and presses her hand to her throat. She gets up off the bed, giving the cameraman a protracted boob shot, and sniffles plaintively. "I get it," she says. "You don't want me. Do you know what that's like for a girl, Charlie, to offer oneself [sic] and be rejected? It's horrible!" Charlie doesn't know, but I hear that Joey does. Charlie explains that he has a midterm to study for. Jen sniffs that she understands, and once she gets her sweater out of his tightly closed closet, she'll be going. Charlie flings himself in front of the closet. "What sweater?" he asks. "That one that I left here that one time," Jen clarifies. Charlie makes up some story about how it's at the dry cleaners. "I had it dry cleaned," he says. "I'm really good like that." At this moment, of course, the closet door swings open to reveal Hussy Number Two, the girl in the hallway from last week. "Who are you?" Jen asks, feigning shock. "I'm Charlie's girlfriend, who are you?" she answers. "I'm Charlie's girlfriend!" Jen cries. They both affect stricken expressions and turn to the horrified looking Charlie. We're not even going to go into why Charlie's girlfriend would agree to hide in the closet from the person she would surely regard as "the other woman," because there's no sensible explanation and we know the only reason she did it was because she was in on the plan. As to why this didn't raise Charlie's suspicions, well, he's clearly not working on developing a vaccine for anthrax in between solving complex math problems, proofreading a new translation of the Inferno, and brokering peace in the Middle East.
Fraternity: Drinking. Chugging. Backslapping. I have to admit, Drunk Dawson is almost likeable. And he can really down a pitcher of beer, a talent I find admirable in a man.