|
6-11 2006.05.17 |
"I'm A Cover Girl, Mommy!" Jade doesn't win. Isn't that all you really need to know? |
| 4-8 Recap |
Death Becomes Her
The Girl Who Gets Bad News - On the eve of a photo shoot that takes place in a coffin at the bottom of an open grave, Kahlen gets the news that a friend has died. If you want to see raw emotion in a ratty weave, this is the show for you, my friend. |
2005.04.20 2005.04.26 |
B |
Potes |
| 4-7 Recap |
Au Revoir, Bitches!
The Girl Who Pushed Tyra Over the Edge - We might be able to put together a decent synopsis, if only we could hear ourselves think over the sounds of Tyra screaming. |
2005.04.13 2005.04.19 |
A |
Potes |
| 4-6 Recap |
Drunken Angel
The Girl With The Deliciously Tacky Dance - If we've learned one thing this season, it's that you should never, ever sign a contract written up by Tyra's creepy father. In other news, Brittany is a boozehound, and Lluvy is finally put out of her misery. |
2005.04.06 2005.04.11 |
B+ |
Potes |
| 4-5 Recap |
The Flesh Eaters Are Coming! The Flesh Eaters Are Coming!
The Girl Who Is Contagious - Well, Michelle is already crazy, manly, and an outcast from the group. Why not just kill her off with flesh-eating bacteria, already? |
2005.03.30 2005.04.05 |
A- |
Potes |
| Extra |
Die, Motherfucker
Janice Dickinson: Supermodel Out of Control - Until you have uttered these words to your abusive, pedophile father after he's had some sort of attack and you've thrown his heart medicine out the window, we don't want to hear you say one bad thing about Miss Janice Dickinson. |
2005.03.27 2005.03.30 |
A+ |
Potes |
| 4-4 Recap |
Brandy, You're a Fine Girl
The Girl With The Worst Photo In History - But your attitude stinks. So long, and we hope that you actually get to hit Tatiana one of these days. |
2005.03.23 2005.03.27 |
A- |
Potes |
| 4-3 Recap |
Viva Las Vagus
The Girl Who Suddenly Collapsed - Rebecca passes out, which seems like it's going to be a big deal, but then it turns out not to be such a big deal after all. Ditto with Michelle, who admits she's a big ol' queer. Ditto with Sarah, who is eliminated. Okay, so no one actually thought that last one was going to be a big deal in the first place, but it seemed rude not to mention it at all. |
2005.03.16 2005.03.18 |
B+ |
Potes |
| 4-2 Recap |
Send In The Clowns
The Girls Who Hated Their Makeovers - Don't bother, they're here. |
2005.03.09 2005.03.15 |
B |
Potes |
| 4-1 Recap |
Normal Is Boring
The Girl Who Was a Lady Kat. Reow! - Have a baby, an incurable disease, a checkered past, or unusually high levels of testosterone? Then you, too, can be America's Next Top Model! |
2005.03.02 2005.03.08 |
B+ |
Potes |
| Extra |
What The Divas Are Doing Now
What The Divas Are Doing Now - We'll tell you in one sentence what the so-called divas of Season 3 are doing now: scratching their asses and scraping the last remnants out of their one complimentary tube of Cover Girl Wetslicks. That doesn't make for a very interesting special, though, so we have been given this pack of lies instead. |
2005.03.01 2005.03.05 |
C+ |
Potes |
| 3-12 Recap |
Viva La Diva!
The Girl Who Wins It All - In your tall bitches' face! In your tall bitches' face! |
2004.12.15 2004.12.21 |
A |
Potes |
| 3-11 Recap |
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
The Girl Who Didn't Hug Goodbye - Or so Eva and Ann have learned. Luckily for us viewers, what is considerably less hard is watching Ann finally get sent packing. |
2004.12.08 2004.12.14 |
B |
Potes |
| 3-10 Recap |
Tea And No Sympathy
The Girl The Lionesses Are Hunting - Noooooo! The higher powers at ANTM succeed in their bid to remove the last genuinely likable person on the show. And there's lots and lots about tea. |
2004.12.01 2004.12.06 |
B |
Potes |
| Extra |
You Go Back, Jack, Do It Again
The Girl Who Goes Ballistic - There's something vaguely familiar about this episode... Oh yes! Everything. |
2004.11.24 2004.12.01 |
C |
Potes |
| 3-9 Recap |
Turning Japanese
The Girls Meet Taye Diggs - There are no pictures! There are no pictures! There's umeboshi and Campbell's commercials. We want a doctor to look at Tyra and explain why she got rid of Nicole. |
2004.11.17 2004.11.22 |
A- |
Potes |
| 3-8 Recap |
Along Came A Spider
The Girl Who Is Panic Stricken - The itsy, bitsy spider crawled on the model's face. Yaya was an ass with a lack of class and grace. Eva freaked out, but in the end she made it through. So say goodbye, Toccara, BBBW. |
2004.11.10 2004.11.15 |
B+ |
Potes |
| 3-7 Recap |
Don't You Mean, "The Girl Whose Thighs Were Twenty-Nine Inches Around"?
The Girl Who Forgot Her Shoes - Hey everybody, what's worse than being bulimic? That's right: being fat! |
2004.11.03 2004.11.09 |
B+ |
Potes |
| 3-6 Recap |
Smells Like Cupcakes
The Girl Who Mutilated The Precious Brownies - Oh, Kelle. You tried and tried, and still you sucked. But with every episode you became a little blacker and, perhaps not coincidentally, increasingly more lovable. It's too bad that your final moments were overshadowed by someone putting her fingers in someone else's brownies. So long, my little Snoutley Monkeykins, and good luck recovering the precious remnants of your self-esteem. |
2004.10.27 2004.11.02 |
B+ |
Potes |
| 3-5 Recap |
This Episode Was Brought To You By The Letter "F"
The Girl Who Cries When She Looks In The Mirror - We are phinally phree of phoolish Jennipher as phate's phickle phortune phinishes her phor good. |
2004.10.20 2004.10.26 |
A- |
Potes |
| 3-4 Recap |
Sherlock Homely
The Girl Who Sets A Trap - Call out the search dogs. Amanda lost her freakin' crystals. |
2004.10.13 2004.10.18 |
A |
Potes |
| 3-3 Recap |
Shut Up, Amanda
The Girl Everyone Thinks Is A Backstabber - Makeovers! Amanda gets blonde extensions, which enable her inner hag to shine through. Cassie has an eating disorder, or else she doesn't, depending on when you ask her. The girls are made to do a beauty shot sans makeup (an ironic twist for an episode practically coated in Cover Girl), which gives Janice a lot to work with. Tyra lets her biases shine through. Julie gets the axe. And just when you think you've had enough, there's Danilo. |
2004.10.06 2004.10.09 |
B+ |
Potes |
| 3-2 Recap |
If You Wanna Go On And Be Funky...
The Girl Who Is Co-Dependent - ...don't say you look like a monkey. For the love of God, don't. |
2004.09.29 2004.10.05 |
B+ |
Potes |
| 3-1 Recap |
Dancer In The Snark
The Girl With The Secret - Emotional breakthroughs, blindness, beer in the weave. The bar doesn't get any higher than this. |
2004.09.22 2004.09.27 |
A- |
Potes |
| Extra |
And, When You're Least Expecting It, Ryan Seacrest
The Runway Ahead - Yoanna becomes America's Next Top Model and goes on a press spree from third-rated CBS to not-rated On Air, cementing her as a member of the b-list and causing the label "Future Center Square" to settle over her like a fine mist of anthrax. On her first day. Good job, UPN publicity department. |
2004.05.11 2004.05.13 |
B |
Djb |
| 2-10 Recap |
Mercedes Bends
The Girl Who Is America's Next Top Model - But Mercedes also breaks. |
2004.03.23 2004.03.27 |
B+ |
Djb |
| 2-9 Recap |
A Lump In His Haute
The Girl Who Cheated - Sure, Eric seems upset at his whore girlfriend now. But he's young and gay. He'll get it over it somehow. |
2004.03.16 2004.03.18 |
A+ |
Djb |
| Extra |
Postage Unpaid
The Girl Who Is Afraid Of Snakes - Hey! Why did my Tyra Mail get returned? I know I've seen it already. So why am I seeing it again? WHY AM I SEEING IT AGAIN? |
2004.03.09 2004.03.11 |
B- |
Djb |
| 2-8 Recap |
Fellini Meeny Miney Mo
The Girl With The Signature Walk - Chi sarà eliminato questa settimana? Chi più non riterrà le congratulazioni ad essere tranquillo nel funzionamento verso il modello superiore seguente dell'America diventante? Chi ama il traduttore di Alta Vista? Definitivamente Djb! |
2004.03.02 2004.03.06 |
B+ |
Djb |
| 2-7 Recap |
Shake Ya Not-y
The Girl Who Is Dripping With Hypocrisy - Yes, it's an hour-long tutorial on Tyra's new career. But it's still pretty damn entertaining. |
2004.02.24 2004.02.26 |
B+ |
Djb |
| 2-6 Recap |
Camille-y Mouthed
The Girl Whose Lips Swelled Up - Can't act, can't sing, can't dance, can't keep that self-satisfied sneer off her face. Keep her! |
2004.02.18 2004.02.20 |
A |
Djb |