Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From Witch Island
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.16.1999
Hey, I already have my copy of The Spy Who Shagged Me on DVD, and it's playing on the secondary audio track in my mind. Dr. Evil is telling an obnoxious teenager to "zip it." So am I.
Oh God, a promo for this week's Felicity. Sally Kirkland, your career has signed the DNR order. Why can't you let it die with dignity?
The boat slowly pulls up to the Witch Island dock. Waiting there is a woman who introduces herself as "Wendy Dalrymple of the Capeside Historical Society" and who is played by the girl who was the daughter of a developer who wanted to tear down The Peach Pit in the second season of 90210, and who made Carter examine a rash she had...uh...south of the border (and I don't mean down Mexico way) in the pilot of ER. Her name is Liz Vassey; basically, she's the poor man's non-dead Rebecca Schaeffer. She says she's there to answer any questions they may have about Witch Island, "which, I'm ashamed to say, represents a particularly dark period of our nation's history." For no particular reason, Joey mutters, "Oh, good God." Pacey asks if there's a snack bar, and she says that there are refreshments in the gift shop, "along with a lovely selection of witch-themed souvenirs." Jen says, "Ooh, I like souvenirs," which made me giggle because that's my favourite thing about national parks and historic sites, too. ["Mine three. I kept looking in the background for Witch Island snowglobes." -- Sars]
Dawson's camera pans across the water and onto Wendy, who asks, "Making a little movie, are we?" Heh. Joey rolls her eyes and explains (unnecessarily, in my view) that he's ripping off The Blair Witch Project, and Wendy chirps, "Seen it!" She tells them to follow her (Pacey and Jen having already repaired to the gift shop) to the cemetery, which she says goes over well with the filmmaker types, because it's got a lot of atmosphere. Dawson reminds her that "The Blair Witch was fake, whereas my documentary is real." Yeah -- real weak. Joey rolls her eyes some more. I join her.
In the gift shop, Jen picks up a book entitled Charms, Spells, and Formulas, and reads to Pacey: "Has that wicked crush got you down? Do you stare at him for hours without getting so much as a glance in return? Do you ever call and hang up? Rifle through his garbage? Has the thought of disfiguring his girlfriend ever crossed your mind? Stalk no more, ladies; this handy-dandy incantation will turn the object of all your sugary affections into a lovesick puppy dog." Pacey tells her to "dream on," and she asks, "You don't think it'll work?" He says that he doesn't believe in "spells." She puts on a pointed black witch's hat and says she's going to try it on him, since he's not attracted to her at all. "Not in the least," he agrees, perhaps too quickly because she says, "Ouch." He says that he didn't mean it like that: "You are certainly quite the little über-vixen, and I am nothing if not fond of you, but you're just not my type." She replies, "Right back atcha, man." He sounds disappointed by this, and protests that he's "brooding and comely." She says that she's sure he scores "way high on some girl's cute-o-meter," but not hers. He says that he's "a better catch than Ty the bible beater or that skirt-chasing Neanderthal Chris Wolfe" (word). She says, "This coming from a guy whose past two relationships have ended with the girl either leaving town to avoid prosecution, or cool out in crazy camp for the summer." That was pretty harsh, and Pacey duly says, "Ouch."