Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From Witch Island
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.16.1999
Hey, I already bought my copy of The Blair Witch Project on DVD, and it's playing on the secondary audio track in my mind. Heather is saying, "Fuck." So am I.
More fakey shit. The kids run around and finally decide to get out of the church, like DUH, but the doors are jammed somehow and they can't open them. They're all yelling and screaming and turn around just in time to see the FAKEST of all possible fake fireballs blowing toward them from the vicinity of the altar. At this point, I can faintly hear the phone ring; it's a very angry Shannen Doherty getting her bitch on at Paul Stupin for blowing the WB's entire week's $15 effects budget on that non-special non-effect (tm owen). Anyway, the kids all duck, and abruptly all the fake fakey shit stops. Note to the producers: The precise reason that The Blair Witch Project was scary is that it didn't have any of the fake fakey shit. P.S.: You suck. Suddenly, the doors are unimpeded, and they bust through them and out into the woods. In a tearful voice, Jen asks if they can just go home now. Joey says that she doesn't care if they have to swim back. Dawson and Pacey run around the church with their flashlights looking for "a logical explanation for all this." Pacey is not so interested, and they all run through the woods to the dock; the boat is there, and they all pile into it. Dawson films their departure.
As the film switches over to CamcorderCam, we pull back to see that we're in a classroom, and Dawson is screening his crapumentary for his History class, and saying that he envisioned a more straightforward documentary on the history of the island, but that he was surprised to find a love story there -- the story of blah blah blah soulcakes. He adds that what happened to them on the island is "certainly open to interpretation," but that "there's no disputing the fact that the island embodies the emotional turmoil of a girl who didn't know what the future held for her and the boy she loved." You can make that cheque payable to Wendy Dalrymple.
Principal Green -- who seems to be teaching this class, for reasons only God knows -- says, "Nice work, Mr. Leery. A tad derivative in the wake of the whole Blair Witch phenomenon, but inspired work nonetheless." Okay, maybe this is a regionalism I'm not aware of. In Massachusetts, does "inspired" mean "lazy and weak," and does "a tad" mean "really fucking"? No? Hm. Then I can't explain that at all. Principal Green starts to say something else, but the only female student of colour at Capeside High interrupts him to point out an image on-screen that looks like two people standing on the dock watching them go. It is very shadowy, but it does look like a woman in a long dress and a man in a big Pilgrim hat. Dawson looks at Joey. Pacey looks at Jen. Another student of colour they've bussed in from another school calls Principal Green out to the hall to deal with "a situation."