Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Escape From Witch Island
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.16.1999
Wing Chun: Hey, Glark! Pacey just said "über" [the name of the company that co-runs Mighty Big TV]! Do you think that's a shout-out?
Glark: No.
Wing Chun: Shit.
Dawson films the cemetery. Joey walks through it and observes that, despite the fact that thirteen witches were allegedly sent to Witch Island, there are only twelve graves. Wendy, standing by, says that nobody ever notices that, and that the missing girl is Mary Waldeck. Her body was never found, and while nobody knows what happened to her, there are two schools of thought: one holds that she really was a witch and still haunts the island, while the other possible explanation is that Mary's lover came and took her away. Blah blah Mary was an orphan blah blah Bennett family took her in blah blah she fell in love with the Bennett's son William blah blah found in bed together blah blah blah Bennetts decided she was witchcakes.
Joey makes "how awful" noises and Wendy says that this girl was no older than Joey, put on trial, and sent to the Island on charges she didn't even understand, much less commit, thus separating her from the love of her life. Wendy adds that she thinks that's what makes the Island "a charged place," because anyone who's ever been in love with someone he or she couldn't have can feel the sadness in the air. The whole time Wendy says this, Dawson keeps the camera on Joey, who is looking mopey. Finally, she speaks up to ask Dawson if he's taking all this down. He plays dumb and she elaborates: "Soulmates torn apart by circumstances beyond their control, doomed to wonder what might have been? There's your movie." Oh, Mary, mother of God. "Soulmates"? Here we fucking go. Again. Dawson asks where the fire happened. Wendy says it was at the church, through the woods. He asks her to take them there, and she refuses, saying that she never, ever goes into the woods, and that if they're smart, they won't either. She adds that if they're bent on going, there are maps in the gift shop.
Also in the gift shop are Pacey and Jen, who is improbably stirring something in an improbable giant cauldron among a roomful of improbably lit white candles. She reads her love spell and stirs whatever is, improbably, in the pot, finally scooping up a cupful of it and drinking it. She hands it to Pacey, who bridles, then goes along. Wendy busts in and angrily asks what they're doing. Jen glibly replies that they're just a couple of kids messing around with black magic, and Wendy snatches the book away from Jen, telling them they shouldn't play with things they don't understand. Hey, Wendy, if you're going to get all bent out of shape about it, maybe you shouldn't sell teen-targeted magic books in your store, hmmm? She hands Joey a map and reminds them that they shouldn't get lost, because the woods are very dark, very dangerous, and that there is an "excellent" chance that they'll never be seen or heard from again. Oh, Wendy! Do you promise? That would be excellent.