Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: B- | 160 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Back To School
By Cindy McLennan | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.03.2013
MFHS. Corridor. Jeremy is getting a product placement call from Elena, when a classmate (played by Jesse Haus) intentionally bumps into him. "Look who rose from the dead." The guy slams Jeremy's phone to the floor. Jeremy takes a deep breath, and bends over to pick up his phone. The first guy kicks it out of reach, while another guy (played by stunt double Max Calder) pushes Jeremy on the shoulder. "Nice phone. Does it ever ring?" And that's supposed to sting? It was just ringing. Jeremy follows the script though and shoves Guy #2 into the lockers, the does something else to him (knees him, maybe -- I'm still not your action recapper). Guy #1 joins in the fray, but Jeremy is an inactive Hunter, remember, and tres buff, so he handily bests his ridiculous attackers without breaking a sweat. The surrounding students gasp and otherwise react appropriately. Jeremy picks up his backpack and storms out. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Katherine is swilling Damon's booze and pretending everything is okay, but her messy hair, smudged makeup and chipped nails don't escape him. He says he knows she wants him to turn her. What I can't understand is why he's so willing to do so. Isn't his life exceedingly less complicated with Katherine in mortal form? It doesn't matter, because Katherine is too afraid to turn. Since Elena shoved the cure down her throat, she's not convinced that if she dies that she'll come back. Damon asks why she's there then, but is interrupted by the phone. Katherine picks it up and pretends she's Elena. It's MFHS Principal Webber, who reports Jeremy has been kicked out of school and has taken off. Damon gets ready to go after him and tells Katherine that when he gets back, she'd better be gone. She confesses someone is after her, and since she has enemies everywhere and is currently all too killable, she's looking for a place to hide out. Damon just shakes his head, probably because he knows he's going to do the stupid thing and help her. We cut to the...
Quarry. Okay, so we're to believe Stefan has spent the past few months drowning and then, thanks to his vampirism, coming back to life, just to drown all over again. I'm surprisingly okay with this. It's taken me a long time to appreciate TVD's vampire physiology, but now that I do and it bugs me a lot less than it does in other vampire stories. Vampirism reanimates their dead bodies, which means they breathe, and have heart beats. We see them eat and drink things other than blood and can assume that while they might not need to eat other foods for life, it is probably digested in the same way. I know they have heartbeats because one time, one of the Salvatores said something about caffeine helping their blood circulate. This way, I don't have to think of a warm human having sex with a room temperature vampire. In theory, I'm fine with Stefan drowning. Since he's a vampire, it isn't for him, a permanent condition. This development helps their broken neck naps make more sense too. What I'm not fine with is the air bubbles that flow out of Stefan's nose and mouth every time he drowns. As forum member Miles Prower puts it, "Did he grow gills..." Seriously, Show. I know you want to show him drowning someway, but he's been under water for three months. There shouldn't be any air left in his lungs to expel.