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Welcome back, everyone. It's a new, delightfully Original lite-to-free season. Let's dive right in (no offense, Stefan). Are you with me? Okay.
Stefan is still trapped underwater, in a safe. Silas is walking around in his true face. Since that true face is identical to Stefan's, I may continue to call Silas Stylus, because it helps me remember who I'm looking at.
Bonnie is but a ghost. Since Jeremy can see dead people though, she is using him to text her friends as if she's still alive, because yes -- learning that Jeremy and Bonnie have deceived them for months, will surely lessen the pain when her loved ones finally learn of her passing, right? Ugh. Why did death make her stupid? Or okay, stupider.
Tyler has been and continues to be out of town, helping some Appalachian werewolf pack. It's time for the show to fish or cut bait, with Tyler. All these extended absences are leaving his character with the emotional resonance of a waterlogged corpse (no offense, Stefan). Caroline has spent the summer planning the decor of the Whitmore College dorm she'll be sharing with Elena. And yes, I'd scoff at using decor in conjunction with dorm, but this is fantasy TV. The dorm room is nicer and more spacious than any given room in my house.
Damon and Elena have spent the summer shagging, but all good things must come to an end. Witness: Katherine. Now that she's human, I understand that Kiki has lost all her vampiric powers. Where I'm struggling is that is appears said powers include the skill to remove smudged, day-old eye makeup, and the ability to run a comb through her hair. Even when in a setting as flattering as Damon's bubble-filled tub, without her beast within, this beauty looks like a drowned rat (no offense, Stefan).
Stylus is after Katherine. Damon agrees to let her hide out at Mossy Manse. When Stylus finds Kiki in the tub, she at first thinks he's Stefan, but learns the truth soon enough. As she's fleeing the house, Damon and Jeremy return home. Damon orders Jeremy to take off with Katherine, but once they're alone, Stylus informs Damon that he knows where the real Stefan is, and he'll only give that information, in exchange for our once (and hopefully -- future) fair Kiki.
Meanwhile, Matt and Rebekah return from their European debaucheries. Rebekah heads off to New Orleans and her new series, while Matt returns to what promises to be a dangerous and unsatisfying existence, because it's going to play out, in Mystic Falls. Still, he's back to work, and struggling to keep his head above water (no offense, Stefan), until he runs into Nadia, a woman with whom he and Rebekah had a completely time-slot inappropriate evening, which culminated with Nadia stealing the Gilbert Protect-o ring that Matt had been wearing. Nadia claims to have traveled from Prague to the Falls, just to return the ring, but once Matt puts it back on, a man comes up behind him, grabs his Matt's head and incants something in a foreign language, which causes Matt's baby blues to turn totally black, like he's suddenly the demonic part of a Supernatural crossover event.
The episode is not without its casualties. Elena and Caroline's new roommate (who drinks vervain water, and has a picture of herself with Dr. Gilbert) is killed by a vampire. Stylus kills the Mayor, aka Bonnie's Interim Dad, and Jeremy is nearly killed, when Katherine grabs the steering wheel of his car and crashes it into a pole, so she can avoid being returned to Stylus. Damon opens a vein, saves the boy's life, which he certainly owes him.
Just as I'm not big on pilots, I am not crazy about season premieres. "I Know What You Did Last Summer," sets all the pieces in place, but I had a hard time remaining engaged. I think some of that is me, though. I have some nits to pick and will do so in the full recap. True confession: in this recaplet, I'm just trying to tread water (no offense, Stefan).
I'll be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where we are sometimes all wet (no offense, Stefan).
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously, on The Vampire Diaries, Elena and Stefan fell in love, then Elena and Damon fell in love. A resurrecting Silas killed Jeremy. Bonnie harnessed some bad juju to bring him back, then she died, but since Jeremy sees dead people, he can still talk to her. Elena shoved the cure down Katherine's slender throat. Silas revealed his true face and we learned that Stefan is Silas's shadow self -- his doppelgänger. Silas stuffed Stefan in a safe and tossed said safe in the quarry.
Now, on The Vampire Diaries, Bonnie is still misleading her friends about her death. They think she's on an extended vacation with her mother. If either Elena or Caroline stopped to think about anything other than themselves for two seconds they'd realize Bonnie's not just lying, she's lying carelessly. Since when has Abby wanted to do anything with Bonnie that didn't involve either controlling or abandoning her? Fortunately, Elena is too busy having sex with Damon to notice. I don't have to recap the whole Elena voice-over thing, do I? Great. Thanks.
Caroline is channeling all her control freakiness into preparing herself and Elena for college and bullying an absent Tyler into attending with them. Matt and Rebekah have been sending postcards (I miss postcards, I saved a couple of ancient ones my Nana sent me from Canada when I was little) from their European travels, that is, when they're not too busy having threeways with the nubile Nadia (Olga Fonda, no relation to The Fonda family) -- which hey, it's hard to type while I'm clutching my pearls, but this show is on at 8 PM on the East Coast, which means it is on at 7 PM in the midwest. That scene is inappropriate to the time slot. It disappoints me when TVD goes there. This is a show for teenagers -- a show which, when it is firing on all cylinders -- is exciting enough that there's no need for mindless titillation. You don't even need to go there, TVD. When you're trying, you've already got the goods that keep people turning in. Still, it is nice to see Matty flash a carefree grin. Anyhow, Bonnie dictates texts and email to Jeremy, so that he can send them to Elena and continue the fake out. No, it makes no sense that Bonnie has continued the charade that she's living this long. OMG, I just lost track because there was a SPIDER crawling down my arm. Thank goodness I have long sleeves on. Let's move on to a new, spider-free paragraph.
The voice-over correspondence between Elena and Bonnie continues over scenes of Jeremy entering Mossy Manse and finding -- much to his disgust -- that Elena and Damon are making out on the couch. Look kid, I can understand you not wanting to see it, but since your unstable sister burnt your house down, you pretty much have no place else to go, so please remember beggars can't be choosers.
So, where was I? Yes, the voice-overs end with Bonnie asking Elena if she's heard from Stefan. By then, Elena is taking a bath in Damon's enviable tub. She's not unaffected by the question, but when Damon asks her if she's okay she deflects (probably not with a lie, because in all likelihood, she is correct) by saying she feels like something wicked this way comes. Damon agrees: Elena will soon be leaving for college. He'd rather she stay home, champagned up, and in his bed. Let's give him some points for honesty, because this is nearly the last moment of the hour in which he exhibits any. Elena chides Damon for not being a "normal boyfriend" who supports his girl's attempt at a normal college experience. Honey, when you date a vampire (and turn into one yourself) you have to give up the normalcy quest. I'd ask why you're even going to college, but I'm still marveling at the fact that any of you graduated high school. Elena's sick of listening to me, so she lets herself slide completely under water, which morphs into a shot of an unconscious Stefan, still trapped in the safe. As he comes to, we cut the to the title card.
Since Jeremy died last season and his corpse burnt up in the flames of the covet-worthy Gilbert Gables, he has to practice a cover story about how he's alive and back at school. "There were issues at home. Ever since I lost my parents, my aunt, I've been acting out. Drugs. Drinking. I was looking for attention so I lit my house on fire and faked my own death." Elena tells him to stress the drug issues and imply the fire was an accident, "...because there's crazy, and then there's…well, me." Word.
Jeremy floats the idea of not returning to school, but his suggestion falls on deaf ears, because Caroline has just driven up and is waiting outside to whisk Elena away to Whitmore College, which she notes is only a few hours away. When Bonnie, Elena and Damon first visited Whitmore last season it felt like it was a few hours away, but then Bonnie and Shane did so many back-and-forths that it felt much closer. I don't know why I care, but I wish it was closer because certainly, at some point in the season, there are going to be too many convenient trips between Whitmore and Mystic Falls. Even Jeremy knows this is true, because he says he'll see Elena on laundry day. I'm sorry, but if the college is a few hours away, given the price of gas, it would be cheaper to stay on campus and use the coin-op machines. Now, I went to school about a half hour away, and back then gas prices were closer to a buck a gallon, so if my roomie and I had a lot of laundry, it made more sense to spend a fin on gas, go home, do our laundry for free, get a good meal consisting of real food that people eat and then return to school. A few hours changes all that, is what I'm saying.
When Elena hesitates about leaving, at least until Jeremy is settled back at MFHS, Damon tells her, "You're leaving. You're going to college. You're going to drink cheap beer and you're going to protest things you don't care about." He stands behind Jeremy and claps the boy's shoulders. "And I am going to take care of your little brother. Trust me. You have nothing to worry about." Okay Damon, points for playing the requested normal boyfriend, but given your history with Jeremy, your promise ought to convince Elena to remain at Mossy Manse. Apparently, she's taking her amnesia pills because Elena hugs her brother and smooches Damon, tries to address the long-distance relationship thing, lets Damon pretend he's going to forget about her the moment she's out the door, smooches him again for good measure, exchanges I love yous, then takes her leave. Fool. That Damon is putting up a brave front is not lost on Jeremy, but when Damon catches sight of his sympathetic expression, he says, "Yeah. No, we're not doing this. Go to school."
Whitmore College. Exterior. As Elena and Caroline are toting stuff to their dorm, they talk about Stefan. Caroline thinks Elena's bad feeling can be chalked up to guilt and a nagging feeling that she's made a "...horrible but completely reversible mistake," in choosing Damon over Stefan. Give it up, Care Bear. You and Stefan are much better suited for one another, and last season you came damn close to realizing that about a half dozen times. Elena insists she and Stefan left things in a good place, but Caroline says that doesn't mean Stefan hasn't been thinking about Damon and Elena "shacking up" all summer. Liz "She's the Sheriff" Forbes pops into the frame long enough to remind the girls that her mom ears are in hearing range. My daughter interrupts the scene to exclaim, "I forgot there were any living parents left on the show." Then she gets this dreamy look on her face, and I know she's imagining that her father and I have shuffled off this mortal coil. I tell her to stop dreaming and resume watching. Once Liz is out of view, Elena makes Caroline take a moment to realize they're finally in college. Care Bear says, "We actually made it. We're here." Ghost Bonnie stands to Elena and says, "We're all here together." Poor Bonnie, they don't even know enough to miss you.
In their impossibly large and gorgeous dorm room, Elena laughs as she unpacks Caroline's panini press. My oldest son will be going off to college a year from now. Since I don't even have a panini press, he will not be getting one, I tell you what -- not that he'd use it. Liz and Caroline have a touching goodbye, and Liz even takes the time to hug Elena and remind her that Whitmore is the place where Grayson Gilbert fell in love with medicine. I'm just glad Elena had a moment in which an adult who cares about her, cares enough to hug her goodbye and offer her words of encouragement. The girl's life has been so bleak. Caroline warns Liz that she'd better leave, before Caroline makes her stay. My daughter and I look at each other and say, "Yeah. Right." Seconds later, we're vindicated by Caroline's smile once Liz is on the other side of the door.
Elena proposes the roomies drink to something. Caroline breaks out the blood bags and they toast to being functional vampires and this new chapter in their lives. Just before they drink, they hear someone at the door. Caroline manages to hide the blood bags, right before a bespectacled girl (Hayley Kiyoko) enters and introduces herself as Megan, their roommate. Apparently, Caroline and Elena thought the third bed in their cavernous room was just for show. Neither girl should play poker, since they can't even bother to pretend they're not distressed. We cut to...
MFHS. Classroom. Jeremy reads Bonnie her latest incoming text message. "Caroline says, 'Get your ass to Whitmore, Bonnie. We need you'." Oh, so NOW they care that she's not at school with them. Did they think she was going to show up later and be the third roommate? What kind of college is this that incoming frosh don't know their roommates names? Bonnie tells Jeremy to lie in reply and say she's at the Grand Canyon. Jeremy suggests a belated pull-off-the-bandage approach in re news of her passing. "What happens when your dad finds out you've been dead all summer?" Bonnie says, "How many postcards have I sent him?" How exactly did she pull that off? Did Jeremy make day trips to all the places she's pretended to visit? I'm fine with Bonnie being dumb, and Caroline and Elena being so self-absorbed as to not realize something is fishy. I'm not fine with the obvious lack of thought by whoever penned this dialogue. Anyhow Bonnie says she's done enough. Her father clearly isn't missing her. That I can buy, since he couldn't even bother to pop into her life until last year. Jeremy asks, "What about Elena." Bonnie says she just saw her at college. "She seemed genuinely happy. I am not taking that away from her." She puts her ghost hand on Jeremy's arm. "We're lucky, Jer. How many people die and still get to talk to their best friends." Jeremy's gaze travels from Bonnie's hand to her face. "How many...best friends can't feel each other?" Their awkward silence is interrupted by the bell. Jeremy rises. "I should get going. The freak who faked his own death can't also be late for math." True. PRO TIP: He probably also shouldn't be having audible conversations with a ghost none of his classmates can see. We cut to...
Whitmore. Dorm. After a product placement for Megan's tablet we pan to Elena who is talking on the phone to Damon about the roommate situation. In that dim lighting, for a second, I thought Megan was Elena, wearing glasses. In response to the Megan dilemma (which -- is Elena talking about it, right in front of her) Damon suggests compulsion as "the ultimate unwanted roommate repellant." Apparently, Elena wants to avoid the mistakes she made in Mystic Falls, and live compulsion free. I'm sorry, if I had that power, I'd be compelling myself out of every awkward situation. Then I'd feel guilty. Then I'd do it again. After some small talk about Jeremy getting off to school, Elena again broaches the subject of pulling off the long distance relationship. Since when is she the needy one in this relationship? Okay, generally speaking, she is needy as hell, but not in terms of the relationship. Damon's always been the chaser. Not right now though. He cuts her off with an all too abrupt, "Listen, I've gotta uh...go," when he sees a disheveled Katherine Pierce standing in front of his fireplace (not a euphemism).
Mystic Falls. Hey, this is still Mystic Falls, so there's still an Event O' the Week even if it doesn't feature in the action. Rebekah finds Matt at that Mystic Grill concession tent, and mocks him for pouring beer when he could be lazing in a Parisian restaurant. After they make out, Matt reminds Rebekah she's on another show now. Thank you, Pudding Pop. Don't mistake me, I like the Originals. On their own show. Rebekah tempts Matt to come with her, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why he doesn't. Their talk turns to Nadia, and how she stole Rebekah's earrings and the Gilbert Protect-o ring when they were back in Prague. Lie down with dogs; wake up with fleas, Beckster. You're a thousand years old. How do you not know better? Punctuating each of her demands with kisses, Rebekah tells Matt not to call, not to write and not to miss her. She means none of it, of course, but at least she's cheery as she tries to save face. Matt watches her leave with a sated, appreciative look and gets back to work.
The camera pans to Stefan, who of course isn't Stefan at all, but Silas in Stefan's skin, aka Stylus. He finds Liz drowning her sorrow in french fries. Thinking she's talking to Stefan, Liz invites Stylus to join her. He takes a seat, grabs her wrist, takes out a knife and slices into her. Understandably, Liz asks what he's doing. Stylus says he's outing himself as "Not-Stefan." He compels her to not be afraid and not move, then tells her they've met before, when he appeared as Caroline and bashed in Liz's head. Liz says, "Silas," and I'm so grateful, I could kiss the writers. I was so afraid we were going to have to watch our main characters be fooled by Stylus for half a season. I should have had more faith. Quick reveals are TVD's specialty, and one of the reasons I continue to ride it out, even when a story is going places I don't like. I know it will all be over soon enough. Stylus explains that Stefan is his doppelgänger and admits he can read Liz's thoughts and takes umbrage when Liz refers to him as a vampire. "Oh please, Liz. I came first. Vampires are nothing more than a disgusting perversion of me. I'm unkillable, I'm immortal, and I'm psychic and to function, I need human blood." Right. Vampire. Sorry, show. Call Stylus whatever you want. I'm never not going to think of him as anything but the Original Original. I just hope to high heaven that he doesn't turn into a joke, like the Mikaelsons did. When villains are nigh on invincible, the plot has to do all sorts of logic gymnastics, to even appear to matter. Anyhow, after draining enough of Liz's blood into his cup, Stylus ends his rant with, "...but don't ever call me a vampire." Whatever, Vampire. The vampire says, "Cheers," takes a sip of Liz's blood," reads her mind (which is rendered by an unfocused shot of Liz's face) and decides she can't help him find what he's looking for. He compels her to only remember that Stefan stopped by to say hello. Liz smiles. "Call your friends, Stefan. Let 'em know you're okay." Stylus says, "Will do, Sheriff," and walks off. We cut to...
Whitmore. Exterior. Megan is trying to catch up on four season's worth of (edited) shenanigans. "So, your current boyfriend, Damien..." Elena corrects her. "Damon." Megan continues, "...Is your ex's brother?" Elena nods. "Stefan." Megan: "And you and Stefan are friends, but three months ago he left without saying goodbye?" Elena asks Megan, "Do you think I should call him?" Having not told anyone what to do for at least 15 seconds, Caroline butts in. "Absolutely not." Wait, what? Wasn't Caroline just telling Elena that she'd made a horrible but reversible mistake by choosing Damon over Stefan? How do you want her to reverse it, Caroline -- via smoke signals?
Elena doesn't bother to hide her delighted smile when Megan asks Caroline if she has a boyfriend. It's lost on Caroline, though, who is just relieved the conversation has turned to her favorite subject -- herself. She babbles about Tyler who she insists will be arriving on campus any day now. Elena points out that he still has to register, get a dorm room, buy books, etc., but Caroline won't let that burst her beautiful bubble of denial. "Speaking of minding one's own business, let's talk roommate ground rules. Privacy is very important to me." Points to Megan for being so agreeable and friendly, in response to Caroline's snotty demeanor. Witness Caroline's sneer as she adds, "I have low blood sugar. My diet's finicky, so keep your paws off my stuff." Megan proposes splitting up the shelves. Caroline: "And if I suddenly get up to leave or disappear for a while..." Applaud, madly? Hey, I like Caroline. I just don't like Caroline right now. She doesn't care and continues bitching at Megan. "...don't follow me or look for me." Who would? Megan smiles and says, "Okay. Sounds good." Elena chuckles and tries to ease the tension as she adds, "Then we agree on everything." The girls are approached by a good looking guy, Jesse (Kendrick Sampson) who hands them a flyer for a party that evening at Whitmore House. It seems he already only has eyes for Caroline, but that doesn't keep Elena from appreciating the view, which gives me time to hope Persons of Color have longer lifespans at Whitmore than they do back in the Falls. Watching him walk off she puts her arm around Caroline's shoulders and declares her love of college with a big smile. Yes, stop the presses, Elena has smiled several times this episode. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy happy, relatively balanced Elena. Welcome back, girl. I hope you stick around a while. We cut to...
MFHS. Corridor. Jeremy is getting a product placement call from Elena, when a classmate (played by Jesse Haus) intentionally bumps into him. "Look who rose from the dead." The guy slams Jeremy's phone to the floor. Jeremy takes a deep breath, and bends over to pick up his phone. The first guy kicks it out of reach, while another guy (played by stunt double Max Calder) pushes Jeremy on the shoulder. "Nice phone. Does it ever ring?" And that's supposed to sting? It was just ringing. Jeremy follows the script though and shoves Guy #2 into the lockers, the does something else to him (knees him, maybe -- I'm still not your action recapper). Guy #1 joins in the fray, but Jeremy is an inactive Hunter, remember, and tres buff, so he handily bests his ridiculous attackers without breaking a sweat. The surrounding students gasp and otherwise react appropriately. Jeremy picks up his backpack and storms out. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Katherine is swilling Damon's booze and pretending everything is okay, but her messy hair, smudged makeup and chipped nails don't escape him. He says he knows she wants him to turn her. What I can't understand is why he's so willing to do so. Isn't his life exceedingly less complicated with Katherine in mortal form? It doesn't matter, because Katherine is too afraid to turn. Since Elena shoved the cure down her throat, she's not convinced that if she dies that she'll come back. Damon asks why she's there then, but is interrupted by the phone. Katherine picks it up and pretends she's Elena. It's MFHS Principal Webber, who reports Jeremy has been kicked out of school and has taken off. Damon gets ready to go after him and tells Katherine that when he gets back, she'd better be gone. She confesses someone is after her, and since she has enemies everywhere and is currently all too killable, she's looking for a place to hide out. Damon just shakes his head, probably because he knows he's going to do the stupid thing and help her. We cut to the...
Quarry. Okay, so we're to believe Stefan has spent the past few months drowning and then, thanks to his vampirism, coming back to life, just to drown all over again. I'm surprisingly okay with this. It's taken me a long time to appreciate TVD's vampire physiology, but now that I do and it bugs me a lot less than it does in other vampire stories. Vampirism reanimates their dead bodies, which means they breathe, and have heart beats. We see them eat and drink things other than blood and can assume that while they might not need to eat other foods for life, it is probably digested in the same way. I know they have heartbeats because one time, one of the Salvatores said something about caffeine helping their blood circulate. This way, I don't have to think of a warm human having sex with a room temperature vampire. In theory, I'm fine with Stefan drowning. Since he's a vampire, it isn't for him, a permanent condition. This development helps their broken neck naps make more sense too. What I'm not fine with is the air bubbles that flow out of Stefan's nose and mouth every time he drowns. As forum member Miles Prower puts it, "Did he grow gills..." Seriously, Show. I know you want to show him drowning someway, but he's been under water for three months. There shouldn't be any air left in his lungs to expel.
Stefan dreams that he's home, with Damon, standing in front of a sunny window. Dream Damon points out that he's only a figure of Stefan's imagination. Sheeesh. Thanks for your confidence, writers. Anyhow, Dream Damon wants Stefan to turn off his humanity. Doing so won't keep him from drowning or save him from his physical discomfort, but it will turn off his misery, fear and hopelessness. Dream Stefan argues with the dream brother he's conjured up that if he turns off his humanity and then gets rescued, what good will it do anyone if he's a monster, again. Dream Damon is easier to shut up than real Damon, so we cut to the...
Dorm. Caroline, the Snotty Privacy Queen is snooping through all of Megan's stuff. When Elena calls her on it, Caroline says, "Maybe if she didn't take such long showers, I wouldn't have time to go through her stuff." Yes they have a bathroom adjoining their impossible dorm room. Why not? Caroline can't understand why Elena is okay with a third roommate. Elena reminds her they're trying to be functional, which means they need friends. Caroline would prefer more personal space and the ability to store her blood bags in their mini fridge. At that, she takes out a bottle of Megan's protein water, and breaking the very ground rules she so snottily set, takes a big swig of it. It turns out it's laced with vervain, which pleases me on one hand, because Caroline has been intolerable this episode. On the other hand, it pisses me off. In season 1 or 2, the Fellowship of the Falls learned that Katherine regularly dosed herself with small bits of vervain, to build up a tolerance to it. Given how often it burns one of them, I don't understand why they aren't all doing the same on a regular basis. Anyhow, Caroline's mouth sizzles as she chokes on the dosed water. Megan bursts in and asks what's going on. Right now, Megan, it looks like what's going on is a commercial break.
After the break, Caroline says the water went down the wrong pipe. Megan grabs the bottle of water, and is gracious enough not to give Caroline any crap for touching her stuff. When she returns to the bathroom, Caroline is convinced Megan must know they're vampires. Elena tries to reason with her, but Caroline wants to lock up Megan, wait 'til the vervain is out of her system and then compel her to forget about them. Elena nixes this plan. "The best way to convince her we're normal is to act normal -- do normal, human, freshman-y stuff." When Caroline wonders what that is, Elena smiles playfully and bops her shoulders to the white girls dance beat. We cut to....
Whitmore Hall. Jesse spots the girls heading toward the party and introduces himself. Caroline looks through him as if he weren't human (and hey, maybe he's not). Once the girls head off, Elena reminds Caroline of her manners, but Caroline snaps, "I'm with Tyler." Elena wonders if that's true, since he hasn't even called. She hopes her friend's hopes aren't too high, since Tyler has shown little interest in joining them at Whitmore. Stung, Caroline snaps at Elena and asks if she told Damon she's having dreams about Stefan. When Elena doesn't answer, Caroline smiles and says no relationship is perfect. Thankfully, all this bickering is interrupted when Elena and Caroline realize they can't enter Whitmore Hall. Elena whispers, "Someone must own this place. We have to be invited in." And if the show stays true to its mythology, they have to be invited in by the owner or other person entitled to do so. Damn the luck, who happens to pass by the door at the time, but Megan. As the girls stand there awkwardly, wondering how they're going to talk their way out of this one, Jesse comes up from behind them and asks if they're going in. Elena tells him to go ahead, so he does. Megan asks the girls why they're just standing there. Elena says, "We were just...Caroline?" Caroline says they're waiting for a friend. Megan returns to the party. Caroline is more sure than ever that Megan knows they're vampires. We cut to the...
Mystic Grill. Damon berates Jeremy and asks for just one day he doesn't screw up, then reminds the boy he's lucky the guys he fought didn't end up in ICU. Jeremy: "Says the guy who once killed me." Damon: "Yes. In the privacy of your own home." Heh. He informs the Germ that he originally got expelled, but Damon compelled the principal into reducing his punishment to a three day suspension. He then tells Jeremy his sister doesn't need to know about any of this. Damon is about to leave, when he turns to find Stylus (who he thinks is Stefan) behind him. He welcomes his brother home and gives him a hug, but clearly feels uncomfortable.
Back at Whitmore, outside the party, Elena calls Megan and leaves her a voice mail message. "Hey, Megan, it's Elena. I'm just calling to let you know why we left, so call me when you get a chance." Caroline says when Megan leaves the party, they have to grab her. Elena suggests that instead they just lie that Caroline wasn't feeling well. Elena can't believe that out of thousands of freshmen (really, Whitmore doesn't seem like a thousands of frosh sized college) they were randomly paired with the one who knows about vampires. Caroline suggests it wasn't random. While I agreed with Elena at first, I think Caroline's right about it not being random. I'm not sure Megan knows they're vampires, though. I suspect she just knows about vampires. Just then, Elena's phone rings. It's Megan crying that Elena has to come help her. Someone is chasing her. Elena puts the phone on speaker and lies that they can't get inside because the line is too long. All the time, Megan is crying. When she screams for help, Caroline grabs the phone and tells Megan to come outside where they can help her. She does so immediately, in a manner of speaking. Megan's lifeless corpse falls out of or off of the building and to the ground. Her throat bears a vampire bite. Commercial.
Mystic Grill. Damon tells Stylus he gets why he didn't call him back all summer. Stylus says, "You mean because you stole my girlfriend? I'm over it." Raising his glass, he adds, "Cheers," then takes a peek inside Damon's brain and says, "Katherine's living at Chateau Salvatore." Since they're Italian, shouldn't it be Casa di Salvatore (or given the size of it -- Castello di Salvatore)? When Damon asks how he knows, Stylus first admits he read Damon's mind, then adds, "I'm kidding, buddy. Katherine called me first. Remember. It's always been me first." Ouch. When Jeremy ambles up to the bar, Stylus greets him with a pat on the shoulder, and seems disconcerted like possibly he can't read the boy's mind. I didn't pay enough attention to last season's mythology mess, to remember if the hunters were created such that Silas couldn't enter their mind, but I'm guessing that's going on here. I hope that means some interesting storylines for Jeremy, where he ends up taking the lead, simply because he's less vulnerable to Silas. Once Stylus leaves, Jeremy tells Damon that when "Stefan" touched him he felt a chill where his hunter's mark used to be. He felt the same thing when Silas grabbed him right before he killed him. When Damon reminds Jeremy that Bonnie turned Silas into a rock. Bonnie appears and tells Jeremy that when she died the spell she used on Silas must have been broken. I remember that bothered me last season, because her other spell to raise the veil didn't break, but I'm over it now so I'll just continue. Bonnie tells the Germ that Silas must be free. Jeremy insists to Damon that they were just with Silas. Damon says that is impossible. Really, Damon? Jeremy pulls out his hunter credentials, but Damon says there's no way Silas could convince the entire bar that he's Stefan all at once. I say, "Who says he did?" I mean, I do actually understand that Silas is no longer masking himself. This is his true face. Damon doesn't yet know that though, so my point is: how does Damon know how Silas appears to the Grill patrons? The only people he interacted with are Damon and Jeremy. You're acting like the whole bar NORMed him or something, Damon. Sheesh. Jeremy tries to cut through Damon's denial by asking what Stylus wanted. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Katherine is taking a bubble bath in Damon's delightful tub, and shaving her legs with a straight razor, naturally. She smiles when Stylus enters because she too thinks he's Stefan. She's tickled when he flirts with her and not unmoved when he says he prefers her as a human. They're about to kiss when Stylus grabs her by the neck, giving us what might be the first TVD throttle of season 5. When he tells her it's time for a field trip, Kiki grabs her razor and slices Stylus on the cheek. He lets go of her, and for reasons that are entirely unclear to me, just kneels there are she gets her robe and flees the room. When Katherine reaches the first floor, Damon grabs her, shoves her toward Jeremy and says, "Get her out of here. Don't tell me where you're going." When Stylus finally gets down stairs, Damon says, "God, you're slow. I guess vamp speed came with the upgrade." No longer having to pretend he's Stefan, Stylus tells Damon to get out of his way and give him Katherine. Damon says, "First, drop the Stefan look." A merciful cut spares us from having to hear, once again, that this is Silas's real face, and Stefan is his doppelgänger. I guess I should have done the same for you. Mea culpa. I know we've just confirmed that Stylus doesn't have vampire speed, but he should still have young man speed, so I still don't get why he didn't run after Katherine? I am glad he has some limits, but that was a dumb scene.
Whitmore College. Exterior. Elena and Caroline watch as security covers Megan's corpse, and they're freaking out more that Megan was killed by a vampire, than that she was killed at all. When Caroline says they should get out of there, Elena whispers, "Caroline, I left that message on her voice mail." Don't worry, Elena. All you said was, ""Hey, Megan, it's Elena. I'm just calling to let you know why we left, so call me when you get a chance." I'm not a lawyer, but I feel pretty safe in assuring you that message won't land you in prison. Caroline says, "Don't worry. I took her phone." Elena and I both say, "WHAT?" The Contrivance Fairy says, "Patience, please." Just then, Campus Security Chief Diane Freeman (Sabrina Mayfield) introduces herself. They pretend like the give a shit Megan is dead. Diane reports she found a note and that Megan was struggling with depression. "Your roommate took your own life." Caroline scoffs at the bald face lie. "You think this was a suicide?" Diane lies that they're convinced it is. "But we can't seem to find her cellphone, have you seen it." Caroline lies that hasn't. Once they're alone, Elena wonders what's going on. We cut to...
Mossy Manse. Damon: "If I have to hear the word 'doppelgänger' one more time, I think I'm actually going to have to learn how to spell it." Chin up, Damon. It's better than Qetsiyah. Stylus taunts Damon with his mind reading ability and then refreshes us on doppelgänger mythology. "See, when I became truly immortal, nature retaliated by creating a version of me that was killable. It's called a shadow self." Damon says, "Well, whatever you are, your plan didn't work. The cure's gone. Now what do you want with Katherine?" Stylus thinks it will be more fun if he lets that be a surprise, and then tries to get to Damon by making him feel guilty about not realizing Stefan has been missing for three months. Damon asks where his brother is. All Stylus will say is that he's suffering. He proposes a trade: Katherine for Stefan's location.
Jeremy is speeding Katherine out of town when his phone rings. It's Damon. He tells the boy to turn around and bring Katherine back. Despite Katherine's protest, Jeremy listens, so she grabs the wheel and forces the car off the road and into a streetlight, and crashes us right into commercial.
After the break, we're back at Mossy Manse. Stylus compares Damon's thoughts to "a spool of pink taffy. It's very messy, but very fun to watch." This makes me want to be in York Beach, Maine, outside The Goldenrod, watching the taffy being made. Who's with me? Damon tells Stylus the mind reading is creepy. Stylus narrates Damon's thoughts: he's worried; Jeremy should be back; something's wrong; blah blee bloo. We cut to the...
Event O' the Week. Matt Presents the Mayor (Bonnie's Interim Dad) with a beer and says it's on the house. Can 18 year olds serve alcohol? Oh wait, this is a town event in Mystic Falls, where the kids advertise keggers, right in school. Matt asks when Bonnie's coming back. Being the Interim Dad that he is, he asks Matt to say, "Hi," to Bonnie, should he talk to her. My word. Remember when we thought Jenna was a crappy guardian? She was a fricking helicopter parent, to this guy. Just then, Matt spots Nadia. For a moment, she looks like a Charlie's Angels era Kate Jackson, doesn't she? Oddly enough, in her first scene with Matt and Rebekah, I thought for a second that she looked like Kristen Stewart, and Kate and Kristen really don't resemble each other, so now I have no idea what this woman actually looks like.
Matt follows Nadia to an alley. She seems surprised that he remembers her, and now she looks like Elena. For crying out loud, lady, get your own face. Oh good. There it is. After Matt gives Nadia deserving guff for ripping him off, she produces the ring. He's skeptical that she flew all this way just to return something she stole from him, but when she starts to put the ring back in her pocket, he grabs her hand. Nadia slips the ring on his finger in a slow, seductive move, but it's only to distract Matt from the fact that her partner, Gregor (Hans Obma) is sneaking up behind him. Gregor grabs Matt's head and I think he's going to snap his neck, but instead he speaks casts as spell (in a foreign language), that turns Matt's eyes totally black, like he's a demon on Supernatural. When his eyes revert to normal, Matt's collapses. We cut to...
Whitmore College. Dorm. Caroline deletes Elena's message to Megan, which just reminds me of the contrivance I'd been trying to forget. As they approach their room, the girls notice their door is ajar. Megan's tablet is missing, too. Elena takes Megan's phone and looks through the pictures as Caroline regurgitates the Megan plot so far. I'll spare you. The whole point of this scene is coming up, now. While snooping in Megan's phone, Elena finds a picture of Megan, with her dad -- not Megan's dad -- Elena's dad, well, not her bio dad, Uncle Daddy, the father that raised her -- the Chekov's Gun that Liz pulled out when she left the girls at school -- Dr. Grayson Gilbert. Typically, Elena says, "Whatever's going on, it's not just about our roommate. It's about me." Oh girl, aside from not realizing your best friend has been dead for months and your ex has been missing, you were doing pretty well with the self-involvement this episode. Please don't backslide like this again. We cut to the...
Accident Scene. Jeremy has been thrown from the SUV and lies suffering, on the road. He reaches out his hand to Katherine, who is also injured, but at least she's on her feet. She sneers at him and hobbles away. Commercial.
After the break, Bonnie's ghost tries to encourage Jeremy to live. Damon arrives on the scene, opens a vein, tries to feed his blood to the boy and with a sob-choked voice, begs the "little punk" to live. Finally, Jeremy comes to and groans that Katherine is gone. Damon heaves a sigh of relief, hugs Jeremy's head and says, "I don't care."
Back at Whitmore, Caroline listens to a voice mail from Tyler. He's decided to defer school for now and continue helping the werewolf pack he's with. Caroline sobs. I can't muster up the will to care about this. As I said in the recaplet, the show needs to either fish or cut bait with the Tyler character. I enjoy the character, but I don't enjoy having him matter when he's not even going to be on screen. Caroline settles down in her bed and weeps. Elena, who'd been feigning sleep, asks Caroline if she's okay. When Caroline lies that she's fine, Elena says she's sorry. They end with a touching moment where they both confess they're glad they are there together. We cut to...
Stefan. Gurgling out air bubbles and pissing me off. He dreams again that Damon is convincing him to flip the humanity switch. Dream Damon almost has Stefan convinced, when Dream Elena appears and begs Stefan to stay with her. "I know this is torture, but stay with me. Your humanity is the one thing that makes you who you are. Don't let go. Please, Stefan. For me." Stefan nods. We cut to the...
Accident Scene. Damon calls Elena and lies that it took him so long to call because he had car trouble. "Based on your voice mail, it sounds like your day sucked worse than mine. Are you all right? Do you want to come home?" Elena says that she can't do that, especially if all that's happened is somehow connected to her father. Damon lies that's probably for the best. "It'll give me more bonding time with your brother." Elena smiles. "I love you, Damon." He doesn't say the same, but instead bids her goodnight and ends the call. Since Damon didn't tell Elena about Silas, or Katherine, or Stefan, or Jeremy's trouble at school and accident, Jeremy accuses him of lying. I like to think of it as "editing." Damon's with me. He doesn't want Elena dropping everything and coming home to help. He says he'll figure it out. We cut to the...
Event O' the Week. Bonnie's Interim Dad is making an End of Summer (the event's theme) speech. Ghost Bonnie is touched when he remembers her penchant for cotton candy in his remarks. I am aggravated when he brings up those damned postcards she's supposedly sending as she's traveling the world. I would assume Bonnie can no longer do magic that affects people on this side of the veil, otherwise, she would have tried to do something to heal Jeremy. Jeremy certainly isn't traveling the world and sending Bonnie's dad postcards. Gah! Not the point, I know.
Interim Dad is blathering about family, when Stylus walks up and takes the mic. He compels Interim Dad to step back, then announces to the crowd that he has the ability of mind control. Stylus confirms the power had been limited to one person at a time (which is the point of Damon's logic lapse, back at the Grill, and no, I don't mean that as a positive remark), but he spent the summer sucking down an immeasurable amount of blood, and getting stronger and stronger, so now he wants to know if he can compel everyone in the town square. He compels them to be silent and not move, then slits Interim Dad's throat. Only Ghost Bonnie screams. She rushes to her father's side and watches him die. Stylus again approaches the mic. "Now that I have your attention, I need a favor. I need you to find someone. You all know Elena Gilbert. Well, the girl that I'm looking for looks exactly like her." Title card.
This is a pretty strong season 5 premiere. Elena is likable again and I hope Caroline soon will be. I'm intrigued by Matt's story -- as in, maybe he'll actually have one. Who knows, maybe Stylus will turn out to be the little bad, and Matt will be the big bad. I'm not crazy about the fact that Bonnie's death is still a secret. I'm enjoying Paul Wesley playing Silas, particularly because it looks like he's enjoying it so very much. I'll be back with coverage of this week's episode, "True Lies." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where we are sometimes all wet (no offense, Stefan).