Episode Report Card Potes: C | 13 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Penny Lame
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.18.2013
Meanwhile, Teresa is getting ready for her big product launch, which entails her screaming, "Milania! Cut it out!" Milania yells something about someone being a little scaredy cat, and then does one of the funniest and most disturbing things I've ever seen, which is come sliding down the bannister on her fake boobs. Yes, Milania has put on some sort of push-up bra. She runs around with her newfound boobs, apparently quite mad that she's not able to come to the Milania Hair Care launch. And then that hag Kim D. shows up. Gia gives her death glares, which is in line with Gia having turned into a sensible child.
We cut to Melissa getting her nails done with a few friends and telling them all about the drama with Jan. I think we've maybe met these friends before, but unless they are truly hag-like a la Kim D., I have a hard time telling them apart. In any case, Jan's rumor apparently had to do with Melissa having sex with an ex in a parking lot of a place called Sushi Lounge. Melissa asks if she looks like a parking lot kind of girl. Does she really want an answer to that? Jan and Melissa were in each others' weddings, but now hate each other, as seems to happen a lot in New Jersey.
We cut back to Teresa getting her makeup done and noting that if she were Melissa, she'd want to know why bitches be spreading rumors. If someone was saying things about Teresa that were untrue, says Teresa, she'd address it. Makeup lady breaks in with, "Unless you have something to hide," and Kim D.'s snake tongue flicks across her lips with glee. Back at the nail salon, Melissa notes that Teresa is her sister in law and she will forgive her, and adds that maybe tonight if they truly band together they can get some answers and take out all of the negative folks who are causing problems for them. If any of this involves Kim D. self-destructing into a pile of dust, I'm all for it.
Meanwhile, Kathy is making lemon mascarpone cream with which to fill her cannolis. Richie wants to cart her down to the test kitchen, since every time he comes in the house lately it smells like a damn bakery. How is this a problem? Kathy tells Richie that the test kitchen was a great idea, but she wasn't sold on it. She's taking Caroline's advice to stand up for herself, and gives Rich a hard time for signing a lease on the place without consulting her. Though she appreciates his efforts, she didn't like being in the test kitchen and doesn't want to go back. Rich looks sheepish, and tells us that if Kathy wants to take over the cannoli industry on her own, she can knock herself out and leave him out of it. And then he tells her to put more sugar in her cannoli filling. Great job being hands-off.