Episode Report Card Potes: C | 13 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Penny Lame
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.18.2013
In the Manzo world, Caroline and Al are getting a dining table in their Hoboken apartment. All of the Manzo progeny have some sort of opinion about the placement of a rug, and Al weighs in to let everyone know that he could give approximately two shits. And then he gets totally annoyed with Caroline and Lauren busts in with, "Daddy hates mom." Things are tense, and Al says he's going to work. Caroline asks him for money for food shopping before he goes, which is so weird. She tells us that when she met Al it was a different era, and he's used to calling the shots. Sometimes they drive each other crazy, she says. Like, I'm guessing, the one day a week when they actually see each other. Lauren tells us that her parents' relationship is way too old school for her, since she likes to make her own decisions and her own money. As you've seen by the high amounts of initiative she showed in opening Cafface. And then Albie finds Rich Wakile's glasses and jokingly asks Caroline if they're having an affair. That small earthquake you felt was me retching.
And then we're out to dinner with Lauren and Vito. She tries to strongarm him into splitting a Greek salad, and he notes that he might want to order his own thing. Vito apparently wants to sit on the couch, watch TV and eat all the time, which makes him a perfect match for me. But Lauren doesn't want to get fat and bored, even though she acknowledges that's a horrible thing to say in regard to the person you're thinking of spending the rest of your life with. Vito mentions the issue of an engagement in a roundabout way, and Lauren notes that while her life before was all about Vito, she now has a business. Vito is her second priority now, and she really could care less if he puts a ring on it. Poor Vito looks crestfallen, and asks if they at least could move in together. She says that his parents wouldn't approve, which he takes as an indicator that she doesn't want to take the next step in their relationship. Vito takes a "que sera sera" stance to cover up the fact that his poor pastrami heart is broken.
Meanwhile, Melissa and Joe go to a hookah bar, and Joe tells her about the plan to take the entire cast to a spa in Arizona for her birthday. She's okay with inviting the Wakiles and Lauritas, but when it comes to mention of inviting Teresa and Juicy she just says, "…Why?" Joe thinks it would be cool, but Melissa doesn't want her birthday to be stressful. Joe, however, thinks that it will enable the family healing to continue. Rosie, Jacqueline and Caroline show up, and Jacqueline shows her roughed-up neck. Caroline tells us that the Jacqueline they first met looks very different now. And I'm guessing the Jacqueline of five years from now will look very different from the Jacqueline we know today. Sunrise, sunset. Teresa and Juicy -- who is wearing a fucking fur coat -- enter. Teresa thinks that Jacqueline looks great, and gives us her endorsement of plastic surgery. When there is no actual fountain of youth to splash around in, just get someone to pull your neck skin back and tie it in a knot. The Wakiles show up too, so the gang is officially all there. They get food and a hookah, and when Melissa chokes on the hookah a gaggle of Joe Gorga penis jokes go around. Can you imagine spending one evening with any of these people?