Episode Report Card Potes: C | 13 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Penny Lame
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.18.2013
And then we're at the Milania hair care launch. Jan shows up with hag of all hags Kim D., and then Penny greets Juicy, who has little idea who she is. Melissa and Joe come in, and Jan snarks, "The princess has arrived." While the Giudices and Gorgas give some quality hugs to one another, the Witches of Beastwick stand around and gab about how fake the family reunion is, and how many skeletons Melissa has in her closet. Penny and Jan insist to one another that they'd never want to break up someone's marriage, but in this case Melissa was two-timing her husband so it's fine.
Kim D. hugs Teresa, then calls Melissa over. She hopes that they can put their past quarrels aside, and just be in the same room and have a good time together. Melissa is suspicious, as you should be. And then, because none of these bitches can act, Jan goes up to the group and congratulates Teresa before asking Melissa, "Did you want to say something?" So, Jan just confronted Melissa about Melissa confronting her. Like a circle in a circle, like a wheel within a wheel. Jan then goes on about how Melissa had relations with her ex, and used Jan as an alibi. Melissa quite rightly points out that, though Teresa said she'd have Melissa's back, she's just standing around with a dumb look on her face. Way to be helpful to the family.
Jan then alludes to Melissa's dark past that she's trying to hide, and a gaggle of skeletons under her bed. Melissa tells Jan that what she's doing is disgusting. Teresa continues to watch and tells us that Jan and Melissa need to hash it out, and if her name comes up then she'll interject or flip a table or whatever it is that she does. Melissa ends by telling Jan that she loved her, to which Jan says that Melissa just loves herself. She adds that Melissa should get an Academy Award before tossing off a, "Thank you Jesus!" Melissa is disgusted with Jan, and wonders why she'd be such an ass and say such stupid things. Joe is hurt that Jan turned, and says that she's a puppet for…someone nefarious. Teresa wonders if Melissa can forget about it, which is a different tune than she had when she first called Melissa on the phone about the launch. Teresa then reiterates that she had noting to do with the In Touch article, and Kim D. underscores that. And then freaking Penny comes over and says to Teresa, "I love your hairline." Do you think Teresa had her hairline threaded to make it bigger? Why isn't that the real story of the night?