Episode Report Card Potes: C | 13 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Penny Lame
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 08.18.2013
OH NO and then we're with the newly tucked Jacqueline, who is heading home and noting to her mom that a) her surgery was quite extensive; b) she wishes that she had done her eyes while she was under anesthesia. She will not be happy until she's Kanye's mom, man. Hopefully seeing her own triangles of removed skin-fat will shock her into realizing that she's on a slippery slope. Made entirely of fatty flesh triangles that have come from her own body. Chris and the boys are awaiting her return, and Chris tells us how difficult it's been with her gone, particularly with Nick. Jacqueline returns home and gets a very warm greeting from everyone, but especially Nick. She feels great, since she says she wasn't even sure if he'd realize she was gone. Hopefully he wasn't too attached to her old neck.
And then we're with Kathy and Richie, who are grocery shopping. Richie gets a text from Joe, seeing if he wants to hang out with the guys and go to a cigar bar. Richie assumes that this is code for strip club, because it is his mission to be grody 24-7. They go to the bakery department and Kathy inquires about the cannoli. She tells us that her cannoli empire is growing, and she has been on the Home Shopping Network twice. It is her mission to change the way that people look at cannoli. I typically don't think about cannoli all that much, but then again I do not think I am the target customer here. Kathy continues to make inquiries, but Richie keeps interrupting both her and the girl behind the bakery counter. Kathy calls him on it, and Richie says that he knows the answers, and things will go great if she allows him to interrupt because he knows what to do. Kathy in turn tells us that old fashioned and traditional marriage is NOT GREAT. It's the kind of thing that we can infer through context clues, in this case. Have I mentioned that Kathy is wearing a Carmen Sandiego hat?
And then we're at the cigar bar which is, much to Richie's shock and dismay, actually a cigar bar. He'd rather have a hookah. And a hooker. Chris tells Joe and Rich that Jacqueline looks good, and he wants to have a little welcome home party for her. Joe in turn interviews that Jacqueline is a sexy woman and didn't need any surgery. When it comes to Melissa, Joe tells us, he loves her boobs, and the only thing he'd maybe do is get them a little bit bigger. Well, thanks for sharing. I'd do the same thing to Joe's brain. Joe says that Melissa's birthday is coming up and he wants to do something unique for her. Richie suggests that he give her a break from Tarzan, and then talk turns to how one time Melissa was texting while Joe was banging her. Quoth Richie, "Did you remind her, listen, I'm inside of you?" Joe stabs the bar with a knife and the bartender has to ask if he's serious. Chris suggests an Arizona spa retreat, at which point Joe asks if everyone else will come. There is debate about whether to invite Teresa and Juicy, and everyone seems to agree that it's a good idea and step in moving forward in their relationship.