Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Amour-ticians
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 06.19.2005
Claire is lying in bed with her eyes closed, but she's not sleeping. Who could sleep with Billy yammering away in the background like he is? He's going on and on about where in Europe they're going to go, pacing around with a towel around his waist, and it's not a few seconds until we see he's on the phone. So he's not completely losing it. Yet. Fade to white.
Rico's at his conference, listening to a dull lecture about waterless embalming and looking bored to tears. Who is this man and what has he done with Rico? He glances around at all the male, dark-suited extras until his attention is aroused by a very long-legged woman in an acid-green suit, straightening her pantyhose a few seats to his right. She looks up and catches him staring, and we see it's his replacement from back when he left Fisher & Sons in Season 1, Illeana Douglas. Rico looks forward again, then glances back to see that she's smiling at him as she pulls her skirt back into place. Something tells me she's not too offended.
Out in the lobby, Illeana approaches him as he's standing next to an open coffin. They read each other's name tags and quickly establish their shared connection to those fucked-up Fishers. Illeana: "I remember your work from the board. You rock! And I'm pretty good myself so I should know." Rico thanks her, smiling up at her like the little elf he is. Illeana says that the Fishers fired her for breaking a glass. "They acted like I murdered somebody. Fucked a body or something." They way she used to talk, I think they probably figured that that last one was just a matter of time. In any case, she doesn't want to offend Rico because she thinks he's awesome. Takes all kinds, I guess. She asks if he's going to some other lecture, and he says he is. She's happy to hear it, since it means they can sit together and she can be his groupie. Rico cackles. "I mean, your wife won't mind, will she?" Illeana asks, even less subtly than it reads. Rico says he's in the middle of a divorce. Illeana says that sucks, and then smiles sunnily at him. She bends down and takes him by the arm to lead him away. "Wow," she says once she gets a handful. Because, I don't know, that suit is made of really nice material? I can't imagine what else it might be.
Brenda's next patient isn't a girl with body image issues; it's a guy with rage issues. He's seriously pissed off about even being there, and he rips up the letter that says he needs to attend counseling or be suspended. As he gets up to leave, Brenda stands up as well. And what happens next is kind of scary, because she's not even blocking his path to the door. In fact, he turns around and comes back so that he can shove her hard against the wall. "Bitch, don't tell me what to do," he roars. Brenda angrily pushes his hands off her shoulders, so he does it again, harder, bouncing her head on the wall. She doesn't try to prevent his exit this time. Too bad for her that he ripped up that letter, or this would probably be enough to get him suspended for sure.