Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Amour-ticians
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 06.19.2005
Brenda and Jackie are outside again, but they're not eating this time. Probably because they're not walking. Brenda tells Jackie about getting bounced off the wall, and Jackie victim-blames, "You have to be more careful with these kids when you don't know their pathology." Brenda confesses that it scared the shit out of her. Jackie sympathizes. But you know what's even worse? Brenda is expected for dinner at Ruth's tonight. Jackie invites Brenda home to dinner with her family instead. Brenda gratefully accepts.
Claire's still at the camera store and back on her cell, but this time she's talking to the family lawyer and not phone-canoodling with him at all. She's trying to get some money released. "I need a new camera," she complains, leaving out the part about its being an expensive toy. The lawyer explains that she can't access the funds when she's not enrolled in college. Claire reacts to that as well as you'd expect, and the lawyer says that the Late Nate put the money into trust to pay for Claire's education, "not [to] support [her] lifestyle outside of the class." "How am I supposed to move to Europe and fucking ripen when you won't give me my money?" The lawyer says that Claire doesn't inherit free and clear until she's twenty-five, and that he and Ruth agreed that this is in Claire's best interest. "You don't even know me!" Claire screams, and hangs up, leaving the store with one last dirty look at the clerk. The clerk looks like he'll recover.
Back at the funeral director's conference in Irvine, Illeana is just finishing regaling Rico with a story that ends thusly: "And he's waving his dick at me, and I told him, 'Nothing's gonna happen till you wax your back. And your ass. And oh, yeah, get out of my hot tub, you old geezer.' Was that wrong?" Rico laughs and emphatically states that it wasn't. Illeana's tired of being subtle, and tells Rico he's goddamn hot. Rico returns the compliment, which is her cue to realize that she's too drunk to drive home to Fullerton. Which is a no-brainer, since we've already established that she's drunk enough to find Rico hot. Rico gathers his courage and invites Illeana back to his room. She thinks that's a great idea, since she wants to order room service. At which point Rico, embarrassed, has to admit that he's not staying at the hotel where the conference is being held; he's at the Irvine Center Quality Inn on the next block. Illeana says that's okay, and that they'll find something. "Let's get out of here," she says, and they do. Rico lives in L.A. and he's staying at a hotel in Irvine? Kiefer could make that drive in ten minutes, dude.