Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Who's a Bad Mama Jamma?
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2002
But, no, it's time to move on to the Willage Show. Vaughn's alive, Syd's bullet wound has disappeared, but Will? He's not faring so well. In some random warehouse designed for moments such as these, Spy Daddy's prepping Will's arm for an injection. Before we begin, ew. Oh, and, ew. Seems the only way SD-6 will let Will live is if he's completely discredited and the only way to completely discredit Will is to shoot him up with massive doses of heroin and pretend that he's been chasing the dragon for awhile.
Huh? What? Excuse me? Heroin? SD-6 kills their agents for looking at each other the wrong way, but they're gonna let the Willage Idiot survive as long as he's hooked on H? I beg your pardon? Will's pretty much with me on this and wants to know if there's any other way to get out of this situation. "Yes," says Spy Daddy calmly. "I can think of a number of other ways. But they all involve your burial." "Is that your idea of a joke?" asks Hamburger Will, his face seeming to swell even larger than before. "You're morbid, Jack." Yes, yes he is, Hamburger Will. Now pump your fist…
Spy Daddy preps the needle as he tells Will that he'll be taken to a drug house in South Central where, an hour later, there will be a raid and Will must face the press himself, or the little ride down the heroin highway will have been for naught. In other words, go public or die. "I'm scared," says Will softly. "I know," says Spy Daddy. And then he makes like Mother Superior and junks Will up with a private blend of China White. (Don't laugh, these are all real slang terms associated with heroin. Don't believe me? Do a Google search, people. It's WRONG what you can find on the Internet.)
Paging Steven Soderbergh! Paging Steven Soderbergh! Someone named J.J. Abrams has stolen scenes from your award-winning film Traffic! Please report to the front desk!
Somewhere in South Central, Keith, the Angry Black Sex Cop from Six Feet Under and his fellow officers break into some not-so-random drug house, busting up the party and nabbing a completely horrible-looking Will Tippin. Shortly thereafter, we're hanging with Francie in some waiting room, and Will's escorted down the hall. His bruises and cuts look better, which I guess means that this whole thing didn't just happen yesterday. But who knows? I'm still under the impression that we're in the present-past-tense-future-perfect, so I'm at a total loss over here.
Francie's crying and looks disappointedly at Will. "Heroin?" she whines. Will tells her he'll explain everything. Except, of course, for the part where he was kidnapped and Syd and Spy Daddy rescued him and that whole "SD-6" situation. Will faces the press and announces that he's had a problem with heroin for three years and that it's had an effect on his sense of reality. Which means that the whole "SD-6" report was bogus and Mexican Mud-fueled.