Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Extra! Extra! This Movie Sucks!
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 08.20.2005
Cut to Brett applying makeup at his locker. Keri pulls the fire alarm, and Brett queens off like they just let him into the Barney's warehouse sale. He does, however, swish back and lock his locker, thwarting Kim there. Later, Kim catches up with Esmeralda. Cut to Esmeralda opening Brett's locker. Kim finds a PDA or something that she thinks might have some good dirt. Esmeralda cautions her that she only has twenty minutes, since that's when tennis practice ends, so Keri goes to keep a lookout. Cut to the courts, where Brett and his minions are watching Teddy practice. They sigh appreciatively when Teddy bends over to pick up a ball, and we get a close-up of his ass. I'll agree that that's the best thing to happen in this movie so far. Mokthar tries to hook Brett's PDA into his computer, but it's password-protected. They unsuccessfully try to figure out what his password is. Teddy practices. Having competed in tennis in the juniors and in college, I am well-qualified to say that he's terrible. Brett swishes that Teddy's looking so "Roddick" today, and I don't really see that, but I suppose they had to work "dick" into this scene in one way or another. At least they spared us any comments about "balls," which is more than I was expecting. Brett says he has to get his camera and record the moment, like, nice try, Brett, but your camel-toe-producing pants are letting me know that you're posing here. Either that, or you've got other problems that I won't go into. Kim comes up with the right groan-worthy password. Brett swishes by Keri, who calls into her walkie-talkie, "The peacock has landed." First mildly clever line, half an hour in. I guess I'm due for two more "tee"s and possible a "hee." Mokthar finds a note that Brett is supposed to call "Sam" and break up. I'm surprised they didn't go with "Pat," but perhaps the writers aren't SNL fans. That would add up. They note the number and give the PDA back to Esmeralda, who badly voices her hope that they get Brett good. Cut to Esmeralda closing the locker as Brett appears. He asks if she wasn't supposed to clean the locker the next day, even though he made a big deal about reminding her to clean it earlier in the cafeteria. Whatever, scene. Kim and Keri duck into a supply closet for no good reason. Kim tells Keri that she called Sam, but that she got a computerized message, like, what gender-confused suspense this movie is, er, engendering! (I'm sorry. Just because this assy movie is doing that in every scene is no excuse for me to stoop to its level.) Kim says she doesn't have a cell phone, so she left Keri's number. It's a good thing she got that exposition out before Keri's phone rang. Imagine the confusion that might have ensued! Keri makes a date to meet Sam at "Frijole's (yes, with an apostrophe, ugh) Restaurant," and asks if that's the one by the outlet center. Kim vigorously nods her head, even though Keri's lived in this town for as many years as Kim has days. Shut up, Kim. Keri excitedly turns to tell Kim the big news...