Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Extra! Extra! This Movie Sucks!
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 08.20.2005
Later, Kim spunkily tells her mother what happened. Peg wants to go down and complain, but Kim isn't having it. Peg asks if there's anyone who didn't abuse her. Kim considers that... ...and the next day at school, finds Mokthar and tags along with him to the school paper office, which is populated by geeks and large stacks of newspapers. Kim doesn't look impressed, although I'm not sure what she was expecting, given that Mokthar told her it's a big hangout of his. Kim's about to go when Keri Lynn Pratt pops up from behind a stack in a corner and squeaks a hello. Kim, I know I don't know what your abilities are, so I don't know if you can tip some newspapers over onto Keri and then use your super-speed to make a clean getaway. But if that's within your powers, I think it's the indicated play here. It's not to be, however, as Keri introduces herself as "Cornelia," and Mokthar tells her that Kim is interested in joining the school paper. Keri squeaks something that I think means that she's excited about having Kim on the staff. I'd find out her exact words, but my dog's taking a nap in the other room at the moment, and I really don't want to disturb him. Kim waves goodbye to Mokthar as Keri sweeps her out of the room. Elsewhere, she tells Kim that she wants to "blanket" their school with "the good name of the Hillsider." This cues their "ironic" happening upon a student lying asleep, blocking the stairway, covered with a "blanket" of a few copies of the paper. It's also the cue for me to start "blanketing" my liver with beer. Kim suggests that they devote some space to the social inequalities plaguing the school. Keri speculates that maybe someday they'll be the ones sitting at a "Reserved" table in the cafeteria. She's got that look in her eyes that pageant mothers have when they talk about how special their daughters' talent routines are, so don't be surprised if she turns out to be a little CRAZY. She hands Kim a pad and hustles off. Cut to Kim and Keri handing out a new edition of the Hillsider, presumably some number of days later. Kim updates Keri on some crappy stories she checked out the previous day. Outside, they see Mokthar wearing a rainbow-colored sun hat, and Keri chuckles as she says the quarterback of the football team "borrowed his turban and used it as a rat tail." I find it hard to believe that Keri would be so flip about this incident. That's not because I think moral outrage on Mokthar's behalf is in character for her -- it's just that I don't see her having any sense of humor about the word "tail" (SPOILER!). Kim only seems mildly outraged herself, which is a little surprising even though Mokthar is an enormous loser, but we don't have time to think about that, as Kim sees Teddy staring at her. They exchange moony looks (well, at least Kim does) until Keri warns her to steer clear of Teddy: "Word is he's been through the entire female student body quicker than a Tijuana burrito." I think that metaphor would be lost on a large percentage of the female student body, if the skeletal figures of most of the popular girls we've seen are any indication. Keri then wets her pants as she points out the school president, "Mike Davis," who's got Bitchony and Bitchory fawning all over him. Because if there's any surefire way to gain social standing in high school, it's to go into student government. Keri sends Violet over for a sound bite, but Mike completely blows her off, saying he didn't even know the school had a paper. And that's the least credible thing that's happened in this movie so far, which you won't need a banner headline to realize is saying a lot. One of the swishy gay boys takes a copy of the paper, vomits into it, and hands it back to Kim with a horribly overacted comment. He goes back to the gay table, and the leader of the egregiously dressed pack runways by him and makes a stupid comment about the absorbency of the paper, like, if you're going to make a Bounty joke, exhume Nancy Walker and have it done right. Keri and Kim march into the school, and Keri sticks out her chin and says she's going to make the paper a success if it kills her. Well, I kind of hope that both parts of that statement come true, and what's more, if she'd get on with it, it's be much appreciated. Kim consoles Keri, saying she shouldn't let the jerks get to her, like she was so chill about being covered in cafeteria food the day before. The two of them share a dreadfully sweet moment until Keri gets paged to the principal's office. Keri enthusiastically speculates that he wants to give them a hand with the paper, and it's nice to know that her Panglossian attitude was only briefly affected by the use of her blood, sweat, and tears as a bulimia aid. They rush off...