Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spawn Behind Bars
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.15.2002
Special Guest Agent La Bamba does tell Kiefer that the mystery prisoner is moved every few weeks on a random schedule and wants to know why the Drazens would be interested in the 7:20 arrival. Kiefer kan't say until he knows who the prisoner is. "They might want to kill him," says Kiefer, washing his hands. "They might want to set him free." Kiefer warns SGALB that they only have five minutes until 7:20 and urges him to call for backup. SGALB is unsure whether or not to take Kiefer seriously. Kiefer rolls out a velvety assurance that if Kiefer is wrong, Kiefer will take the heat. And as we all know, Kiefer is a man of his word. SGALB makes a call on his cell phone asking some high-ranking person to get back to him. Apparently there aren't many weapon-trained people on staff. Kiefer suggests that they get the civilian technicians and custodians stationed there to act like military personnel and give the Drazens the impression that the prison is more secure than it actually is. SGALB gets on that. Lou Diamond Phillips's character's real name is Mark DeSalvo, by the way. Not that I'll be calling him that or anything.
Meanwhile the screen splits to reveal two guys with guns, dressed in leafy suits, bumbling through the woods outside like they're in an episode of Hogan's Heroes. They enter a makeshift structure that looks like Mary Ann and Ginger's cabin on Gilligan's Island. Seriously, this new European terror squad blows in every way now that the two cute members of this family have been killed or taken prisoner and there's no cool furniture. Not even the tech-y looking laptops that they pull out can make them look like hot scary movie terrorists. One of the leafy-suited guys who seems to be some sort of General or Lieutenant asks ForeignAccentedTerrorBoss if they have verification from LittleTerrorBrother about whether or not the power is really going off at 7:20. FATB is still acting totally clueless about his brother, saying he'd "call" if anything went wrong. Uh, if something goes wrong, how is he supposed to call? Don't highly trained spies usually have careful rules about how to proceed if an agent is missing? I mean I'd imagine that if a field agent doesn't check in, it would be prudent to assume the worst and investigate. Leafy Suited General expresses his misgivings about the latest plan, especially since Kiefer seems ready for them. FATB ignores the whiny Leafy Suited General and gives the go-ahead to his men to proceed. All of these EuroLeafyTerrorMinions run several yards across the field and take cover in the grass with their automatic weapons drawn. I just keep waiting for them to sing "Oh-ee-oh" like the Winged Monkeys in The Wizard of Oz.