Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spawn Behind Bars
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.15.2002
Back inside the Lou Diamond Phillips Kave, everyone is changing into battle gear. Kiefer shows one of the non-military men how to strap on and hold an automatic weapon, and then makes eye contact with him for an extra-sexy long time. Special Guest Agent La Bamba looks like Speed Racer with his big brown eyes and his helmet. He leads everyone outside to greet the chopper. The EuroLeafyTerrorMinions watch as the heliport lights go on and an unusually high amount of "military personnel" come out ready for action. Kiefer kommands everyone to get in front of the lights so they can all be seen klearly. Leafy Suited General whines about the unpredicted backup. "They're expecting us," he says. FATB tells him that they will have the advantage just as soon as the lights go out. The chopper lands. Troop La Bamba runs over to escort the passengers into the base. FATB counts down until darkness but it never happens. The lights stay on. As Muntz would say on The Simpsons, "Ha-Ha!" FATB still wants to attack. Leafy Suited General makes the call to stand down since technically they're "his" LeafyTerrorMinions.
Dennis Hopper is escorted off the plane but we don't know he's Dennis Hopper yet because he's covered from head to toe in some hooded Goretex puffy body suit. But we know it's Dennis Hopper because who the fuck else would it be? We've all seen the previews. LeafySuitedGeneral gives the order to stand down over a TerrorWalkieTalkie. The chopper takes off again. Dennis Hopper...I mean the mystery prisoner whose identity is totally unknown to us...is escorted down into the Lou Diamond Phillips Kave. FATB kicks the ground as if to say, "Curses, foiled again" in Serbian. The time is 7:26:16 PM.
The time is 7:27:12 PM. Klockwise from the top left, KopKennyG waits to kwestion Spawn, Soul Patch keeps driving Bride of Kiefer, and things remain kwiet around the Lou Diamond Phillips Kave. Spawn is escorted into KopKennyG's shabby kwestioning room -- no DWR furniture or anything. KopKennyG tells her to sit down, but Spawn feels compelled instead to tell him that her father is Kiefer. KopKennyG has never heard of Kiefer or of CTU. Spawn writes down the CTU phone number on his note pad. Unfortunately for Spawn, KopKennyG doesn't kare. He just wants information on Dan'sWeaselFacedBrother's intent to distribute ecstasy. She doesn't know anything about Dan'sWeaselFacedBrother's drug dealership. But she does know all about the Palmer assassination -- like the fact that there was an attempt that morning. KopKennyG points out that the Palmer assassination attempt was all over the news all day so Spawn knowing about its existence isn't exactly privileged information. Spawn tells him all about being kidnapped by the same people who want Palmer dead and how her mom is missing, etc. etc. KopKennyG isn't buying it and refers to fabled Hearst Gossip Columnist Skankella Parsons's remark earlier about how "the bitch lies." Spawn protests that Skank is a lying bitch herself and is just jealous of her and Rick. KopKennyG decides to throw her into the klink for a few hours until she stops talking that krazy talk. Spawn insists that KopKennyG should call CTU. He leads her out of the interrogation room.