Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spawn Behind Bars
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.15.2002
Hey it's Jason Alexander telling all these skateboarders about the KFC Blazin' Buffalo Twister. Funny, whenever a middle-aged man is trying to hang out with a bunch of underage skateboys, fast food recommendations are usually the last things that come up. Okay, what the frig actually happens in this new Adrian Lynne film? As far as I can tell, Diane Lane is married to Richard Gere and there's some younger hot guy who cleans their pool or something. She sleeps with the pool boy...or maybe Richard Gere sleeps with the pool boy and someone dies. Can't anyone have sex in an Adrian Lynne movie without ruining their lives? I love this new Infiniti ad that has a parody of those old-time car shows.
The time is 7:16:13 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn's behind bars, Kiefer's sleeping on a kot, Palmer is praying or something, and Bride and Dr. Phil are still en route to CTU. Kiefer wakes up suddenly. He's got to barf. He crawls over to the stainless steel toilet/sink combo that is featured in finer prison complexes and retches into it. Wow, this toilet/sink combo even has a cunning little compartment for a roll of toilet paper. If Philippe Stark ever does prisons, I'm sure he'd dream up some really cool version of this. While Kiefer gulps down water from the sink part of the toilet/sink combo, the door buzzes open, and who should walk in but special guest star Lou Diamond Phillips. Remember Lou? Star of La Bamba and now-canceled Wolf Lake? Kiefer's ko-star in Young Guns? Ex-husband of Melissa Etheridge's ex-girlfriend? If this were a sitcom filmed in front of a live studio audience there'd be all this applause...like when Bebe Neuwirth as Lilith shows up on Frasier. Lou is in charge of this facility, which turns out to be an underground prison run by the defense department. Kiefer tries to introduce himself and explain that he's a CTU agent, but Lou cuts him off because he already knows who Kiefer is. He checked his wallet while he was sleeping. The handsome ones always go through your wallet while you're sleeping, don't they? Kiefer tries to explain to Special Guest Agent La Bamba that the people who are behind the Palmer assassination -- the Drazen family -- paid someone to have the power shut down for this facility at 7:20 PM that evening. Special Guest Agent La Bamba -- swayed by the sexy sweaty desperate dulcet velvety Sutherland jailhouse whisper -- acknowledges that some super-important prisoner will be arriving by chopper at that time, but his identity is klassified...and no amount of Sutherland velvet will open that vault because not even he has been told the mystery prisoner's identity.