Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spawn Behind Bars
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.15.2002
The time is 7:54:07 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn is led back to her cell by KopKennyG, the LeafyTerrorCrew continues to plot ahead with their dastardly plan, and Nina does some work at her desk. The inmates down at the precinct get a load of the new girl on cell block 24 as Spawn is led in handcuffs to her cell. They've never seen such a high-priced piece of Grade A chicken in their entire time served. Blonde, busty, and too stupid to live -- this one's gonna cause a lot of fighting down in the yard. Spawn joins her new cellmates. Okay, remember that Pat Benetar video, Love is a Battlefield, where Pat runs away from home and finds a second family of social misfits in a whorehouse where she works? Together, with their spunky Mad Max-esque hairstyles, their ghetto-sassy attitudes, their newfound sisterhood and, of course, a shimmering display of jazz hands, they face down their abusive dancing pimp and moonwalk their way to a better life. Well, it's as if the police rounded up these friends of Pat Benetar, put them in a prison cell, and left them there for months where they became hardened postmodern jailbirds. A Hispanic chick chews her gum really hard at Spawn. Another Asian girl with a mohawk walks by and shows off her radical hairstyle. Some of them play with their hair obsessively or rock back and forth like Clea DuVall in Girl Interrupted. It's going to be a long night. Even KopKennyG is a little koncerned. Spawn walks meekly over to an empty spot on a concrete bench and sits down. But Spawn is young. Heartache to heartache she stands. No promises no demands. Whoa-ah- oa-ah-oa-ah- oa-ah-oa!
Back at the Lou Diamond Phillips Kave, Special Guest Agent La Bamba wants to know why Drazen would have been targeted by the government yet been held onto secretly as well. Kiefer supposes that Drazen's been feeding intelligence to the US Government and that Operation Nightfall was a charade to make the world think he was dead. "That mission was set up to fail from the start," muses Kiefer. "I lost every man I went in there with." Special Guest Agent La Bamba's cell phone rings. The Department of Defense just gave their okay to have Kiefer interrogate the mystery prisoner. "Five minutes," says SGALB.
Kiefer walks over to the super-gritty cell door that was painted a mixture of slate and salmon using a Martha Stewart-recommended dry brush technique and opens it. Here's Dennis! And what a nice prison uniform he's got on. It looks like an ecru rayon shirt from Barneys. Seriously, together with that studied bowl haircut, he looks like an accessories editor for German Vogue. The inside of Dennis Hopper's cell is also done in dry brush, but it's a mixture of slate and pewter. Kiefer introduces himself and expresses his surprise over Drazen's being alive: "Nobody could have survived that explosion." He explains that his intelligence gave him bad information and they hadn't meant to kill Drazen's wife and daughter. He asks Drazen to call off the hit on his family through the Whatever Technology he's been using to communicate with his sons. "Your fight is with me," says Kiefer, his voice a velvety buzz saw. "Leave my family out of it." Dennis klaims that he has no way of kontacting his sons. Kiefer tries to persuade Dennis that his sons will die if they try to attack again due to the fact that there's backup coming. "Zen you hef nothing to vorry about," says Dennis. "Kall it off!" says Kiefer going krazy and climbing onto the interrogation table.
Special Guest Agent La Bamba enters just before things get out of hand. He's received permission to move TerrorDaddy. Kiefer and Dennis lock eyes for a long time. TerrorDaddy doesn't flinch for even a second. Kiefer gets up and puts his face super close to SGALB and asks him if there's a way to get him out through a secret entrance. SGALB has one in mind. I'm sure SGALB has lots of "secret entrances" for Kiefer if you know what I mean. They start to evacuate Dennis.